Comment from pome lover

Excellent

this is very good.
You hold the reader's interest while explaining Ron's reasoning about the break-up, and his hope that if they meet face to face he can talk to her and explain.
Your descriptions are particularly good in the first paragraph, however, if I may make a suggestion, I would change a cool breeze"came" off the water to a cool breeze blew off the water. (action verb) Otherwise it's a great paragraph.
I'm sure your friend is pleased with the way you're telling her story. good job.
Katharine - pome lover

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi Katharine; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I DID make the change you suggested, and it does read stronger.

I'm glad you are enjoying the story,

~patty~

reply by pome lover on 23-Jul-2017

good. happy writing!

Comment from Marvin Calloway

Exceptional

Wow! This is another good chapter. The appearance of Veronica was a surprise. This adds much complication to the relationship. I'm looking forward to the next chapter(s).
Marv

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Hi there Bill; thank you so much for continuing to follow the story. Your shining sixth star brought a smile to my face.

I just posted the next chapter - I think you will like it too,

~patty~

Comment from Thal1959

Excellent

I was engaged in this, Patty, as much as I could because I generally don't care for romance or soap-opera kind of stories. But the way it is written allowed me to keep interested in it from start to finish. Makes me glad I am a happy bachelor! (Of course, I couldn't help but notice the icon for your rank as an author - a cougar... you old minx, you! lol)

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Wow - never thought of myself as a cougar - though my hubby is eighteen months younger than me! LOL.

Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I'm glad you found the writing stimulating enough to hold you in spite of your lack of interest in the romance genre,

~patty~

reply by Thal1959 on 23-Jul-2017

It's always my pleasure, Patty.

Comment from R.A.Partin

Excellent

I liked the setup of setting at the beginning of this section of the book. Your character goes through a lot of development in just a few paragraphs. It paints a picture about how this romance developed and how the woman he is pining over is different than any other relationship that he's had, which makes sense that he would want to go after her and apologize for whatever he did. Good work.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,

~patty~

Comment from Jake P.

Excellent

I really like your descriptive scenes.
The 2 Paragraph: " Their relationship was far different than anything he'd ever experienced. For most of the six months they were together, there wasn't any sex. Jenny made it very clear that she wouldn't sleep with him until there was love. She didn't sleep around, and she wouldn't start with him."---Can you put this in dialog between them? I think it might add interest to the story.

"The truth was Ron didn't have a clue about making up with someone. He didn't want to ask any of his friends."---I think talking with a close friend might show his emotional state better.
You write beautifully, but I think more dialog in this scene whether in the present or in his remembering old conversations would add life to it.

Good job. Keep writing.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for your thoughtful suggestions. I will go back and rework the chapter to include a bit more dialogue. His memories could be punched up a bit,

~patty~

Comment from Vicki Easterly

Excellent

Love the teaser at the beginning, or should I say the end. You made me feel and care about these characters. You've captured the age-old angst of love and misunderstanding in a beautiful way. Descriptions were very visual. Excellent job!

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I invite you to read the previous chapters and continue to follow along - the next chapter will be posted on Sunday, the 23rd,

~patty~

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

"I've could hear" should be "I could hear".

Love is something that must be fought for. It is hard to remain in love when only one person feels that way, and any misunderstandings that arise, causing the parties to separate, need to at least be attempted to be talked out. Does not always work, but one has to try.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

Hi Brett;
thank you for reading and reviewing. I think you will enjoy the rest of the story - it takes some twists and turns until the end;

~patty~

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

When Thigs don't go well it is Time to seperate. Being a player is a reason many break up and go their seperate way.it is a shame it had to happen to her

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

Hi there; I think the twists and turns of the next chapters will surprise you.

~patty~

reply by country ranch writer on 22-Jul-2017

Yes I have been following along

Comment from Janilou

Excellent

I love your description at the beginning. This in particular: The sun was continuing its daily descent, and though the sunset hadn't started yet, the wispy clouds on the horizon hinted at its beauty.
I didn't find anything to suggest in the way of corrections. I look forward to reading more.
Jan

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

Hi Jan; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your praise and encouraging words. The next chapter should be posted tomorrow (Sunday.)

~patty~

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

Another very well written story, my friend. Your writing has improved so very much since your returned, my friend. Aren't you glad you came back~Debbie

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

Hi Debbie; yes, I am glad I came back and so happy that I'm writing on a daily basis again. It does a lot for me, and I enjoy the stories I'm creating,

~patty~