Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

thank you for sharing your entry in the tyburn poetry contest. You've chosen some good descriptive words, but your last two lines are simply strung together instead of making real sense.

Perhaps a bit of massaging to make them more poetic?

I will re-read and review when you've made some changes,

~patty~

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017

Please do review, Patty. Those lines are perfect, as is (as are). The first one explains what happened at the party. (Can you remember those days?) The last line tells of what happened in the months after the party, and ends happily.

I was very surprised by your comments and your harsh grading that I hope you'll reconsider.

reply by Mustang Patty on 20-Jul-2017

I went and upgraded the review to a five star. I can understand if you wish to stand by your piece. It still feels stilted and off to me - but then poetry is very subjective.

reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017

Thanks, Patty. I don't know if you ever wrote one of these Tyburns, which, although they may not look it, are tricky to compose. For example, the first four lines must each have one syllable and the same rhyme, and those words must also appear in the last two lines, beginning with the fifth syllable and ending with the eighth syllable of each of the two lines.

Five of the entries currently in this contest break the form's rules, and the committee probably will delay the voting until the writers revise their poems.

So, often those last two lines look pretty clunky, and far from poetic.

Gotta go now. Bye.

reply by Mustang Patty on 20-Jul-2017

I hear you. I have tried to compose a tyburn and found it beyond my talents. Probably why I'm so hard on judging them - I know the rules only too well.

Comment from lalajovanoski

Excellent

Hello my dear friend, I very much enjoyed reading this beautifully written poem. I think that this is a great entry for this writing prompt. I love the way that this blows. Great alliteration. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you. With love, Lola

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017