Pearl & The Unoriginal Biker
A modern fairy tale.15 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi (*<*)
= Well, this is cute.
= The guy comes back in a month with a Jetson car to rescue her.
= Remember the cartoon TV show, 'The Jetsons'?
= They lived in the space age--no roads--traveled in the air with jet-streamed cars. Cool
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Hi (*<*)
= Well, this is cute.
= The guy comes back in a month with a Jetson car to rescue her.
= Remember the cartoon TV show, 'The Jetsons'?
= They lived in the space age--no roads--traveled in the air with jet-streamed cars. Cool
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Funny ending. Very original...
Thanks for reading and for suggesting an ending.
Comment from MJ McIntire
I think this is a nice modernized version of Rapunzel. I just finished reading the final piece, but, needed to read the beginning.
I did find one little word that, to me, does not fit with a motorcycle and that is booming. A motorcycle, I think, is more of a rumbling.
I also like all the reading she has done while in the tower and even though she has someone offering to help, she wants to stay independent.
I also like how you included Rapunzel as her aunt.
MJ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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I think this is a nice modernized version of Rapunzel. I just finished reading the final piece, but, needed to read the beginning.
I did find one little word that, to me, does not fit with a motorcycle and that is booming. A motorcycle, I think, is more of a rumbling.
I also like all the reading she has done while in the tower and even though she has someone offering to help, she wants to stay independent.
I also like how you included Rapunzel as her aunt.
MJ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day again, Maria.
Told you I'd be back.
"Pearl was a beautiful girl. Her eyes were hazel brown" (Eyes in the picture are blue.)
'Oh, that's my aunt. My name is Pearl.' (lol. Well played.)
I just he "d" off "Donald" in the next chapter... "Donal" I wasn't sure when I read it... until now.
I would have finished the story with a tribe of ancient warriors rescuing her and she becomes a tribal princess.
Great job.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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G'day again, Maria.
Told you I'd be back.
"Pearl was a beautiful girl. Her eyes were hazel brown" (Eyes in the picture are blue.)
'Oh, that's my aunt. My name is Pearl.' (lol. Well played.)
I just he "d" off "Donald" in the next chapter... "Donal" I wasn't sure when I read it... until now.
I would have finished the story with a tribe of ancient warriors rescuing her and she becomes a tribal princess.
Great job.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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I couldn't find a picture with the right eye color... sorry.
I've already corrected the typo (Donald).
Thanks for reading and suggesting an ending.
Comment from Mabaker
Pearl sat brooding. She had gone through disappointment, anger and now brooding had set its cap at her. That really set her off. Where the hell was Donald? So much for taking a message to her family. So, she sat, and brooded and swore to herself, then added few tears of self-pity and at last anger slipped in and after that; brooding. Oh, Bugger brooding. After all, what could she expect from a man named Donold! Exactly what she'd dreaded, nothing. So once again she reverted to brooding. It wouldn't get her too far, she understood that. Not as far as acceptance, or fame, but it was an emotion, it should get a mention at least. With a shrug, Pearl flicked her fingers and brooding shot out the window, she watched it bounce down the wall, crash through the lilac tree and skid to an inelegant halt beside the letter box. Pearl watched for it to get up, but it just lay there its shoulders heaving. "What's wrong with you?" Pearl called down. To Be Continued by the Auther.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Pearl sat brooding. She had gone through disappointment, anger and now brooding had set its cap at her. That really set her off. Where the hell was Donald? So much for taking a message to her family. So, she sat, and brooded and swore to herself, then added few tears of self-pity and at last anger slipped in and after that; brooding. Oh, Bugger brooding. After all, what could she expect from a man named Donold! Exactly what she'd dreaded, nothing. So once again she reverted to brooding. It wouldn't get her too far, she understood that. Not as far as acceptance, or fame, but it was an emotion, it should get a mention at least. With a shrug, Pearl flicked her fingers and brooding shot out the window, she watched it bounce down the wall, crash through the lilac tree and skid to an inelegant halt beside the letter box. Pearl watched for it to get up, but it just lay there its shoulders heaving. "What's wrong with you?" Pearl called down. To Be Continued by the Auther.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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This is great, Anna. I love the line: After all, what could she expect from a man named Donald!
Thanks for reading and suggesting an ending. I will post mine later. As soon as I have enough dollars to promote it.
Thanks for the six stars as well.
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Hi Maria, yes unfourtanly there always has to be th $ sign I've been there. Come back to me though as I value our friendship. Sincerely, Anne
Comment from DR DIP
Donald was a member of a bikey syndicate called the Hell's angels he sold cocaine to raise funds for a chain of hair salons his bikey gang were running they also had a laundromat where they would launder all the black money. Pearl's parents had turned into coke addicts and Donald was their supplier.
After a month Donald came back to the tower with an extension ladder and some scaffold. Pearl really had the shits he had taken so long to come back.
Donald explained to Pearl that her mom was working as a hooker in town and Dad was an SP bookie
Pearl thought WTF? whats the point of leaving the tower for THAT life so she told Donald to take his ladder and scaffold and go home.
the end
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Donald was a member of a bikey syndicate called the Hell's angels he sold cocaine to raise funds for a chain of hair salons his bikey gang were running they also had a laundromat where they would launder all the black money. Pearl's parents had turned into coke addicts and Donald was their supplier.
After a month Donald came back to the tower with an extension ladder and some scaffold. Pearl really had the shits he had taken so long to come back.
Donald explained to Pearl that her mom was working as a hooker in town and Dad was an SP bookie
Pearl thought WTF? whats the point of leaving the tower for THAT life so she told Donald to take his ladder and scaffold and go home.
the end
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Very funny, Mark. You should write prose from time to time! Thanks for reading.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Hey there Maria, I was really enjoying your spin on this story and yet I had a really good laugh out loud. You can be so funny sometimes. I like that so much in an Arthur. This is an excellent story. Oh but now you want us to come up with an ending.
Hmmmmmmm...I would say that he finally returned after another week with her father only. Her mother passed away from the heartbreak of her disappearance.
The young man took his time to tell the father because he forgot that day he left the tree and went on about his business. He suddenly remembered his promise during that second week. As soon as the father was informed, he came running.
Okay, that's the best I could do, I'm sorry. I'm at work now on my overnight shift and I am too sleepy to continue with this story. I hope this is sufficient.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Hey there Maria, I was really enjoying your spin on this story and yet I had a really good laugh out loud. You can be so funny sometimes. I like that so much in an Arthur. This is an excellent story. Oh but now you want us to come up with an ending.
Hmmmmmmm...I would say that he finally returned after another week with her father only. Her mother passed away from the heartbreak of her disappearance.
The young man took his time to tell the father because he forgot that day he left the tree and went on about his business. He suddenly remembered his promise during that second week. As soon as the father was informed, he came running.
Okay, that's the best I could do, I'm sorry. I'm at work now on my overnight shift and I am too sleepy to continue with this story. I hope this is sufficient.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Don't worry. You have read the story and that's more than enough .
Do you always work at night?
Thanks for reading.
Comment from MelB
A great twist to the Rapinsel story. I'm sure you'll get some great ideas. Maybe, he shows back up with her parents, and then rescues her. Her parents ride the bike in, and he brings the crane.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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A great twist to the Rapinsel story. I'm sure you'll get some great ideas. Maybe, he shows back up with her parents, and then rescues her. Her parents ride the bike in, and he brings the crane.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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My ending is not as happy as yours...
Thanks for reading, Melissa.
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Uh oh! Sorry, that was supposed to say Rapunzel. I was on my phone and the spellcheck changes so many things to what I don't want!
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Don't worry. I knew what you meant.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello MarĂa JosĂ© GarcĂa
A modern Fairy Tale how clever that you have a cute male biker who want to rescue the princess.
Maybe drop off by a helicopter a long thick braid of hair like her Aunt Rapunzel for her lover to climb .
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Hello MarĂa JosĂ© GarcĂa
A modern Fairy Tale how clever that you have a cute male biker who want to rescue the princess.
Maybe drop off by a helicopter a long thick braid of hair like her Aunt Rapunzel for her lover to climb .
Gert
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Thanks for reading and for your suggestion, Gert. My ending is not that happy...
Comment from misscookie
Your the first persons story I have readied in months.
I going through some terrible storms in my life and it really put a hurting on my body mind and writing ability.
So forgive me for not telling you how to end your story.
I can't even get my started again.
Yet I did enjoy reading yours so far, thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Your the first persons story I have readied in months.
I going through some terrible storms in my life and it really put a hurting on my body mind and writing ability.
So forgive me for not telling you how to end your story.
I can't even get my started again.
Yet I did enjoy reading yours so far, thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Don't worry, Cookie. You've read it and that's enough.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. I hope things get better soon.
Thanks for reading.
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Thank you very much for those heartfelt words, they meant a lot to me.
God bless you
Cookie
Comment from Ricky1024
"The Conclusion"
"Once for a Shining Hour...
"Heaven Touched Earth...
"Hope was Born Anew...
"And Peace Reigned in the World."
...
"It has been now a month since her new "Prince Donald," had promised to rescue her but...
"Bang, Bang, Bang!"
"Pearl opens the door and it is...
"The Black Crow," followed by "The Bad and Evil Witch Elvira!"
"Tee, Hee, Hee!"
"What do we have here Raven?"
"Squawk, Squawk!"
...
"Yes, I see...
"She's still way to skinny!"
Complains Elvira.
"Have you been bringing her the "Soured Milk and Moldy Bread, Raven?"
"Squawk, Squawk, Squawk.'
Replies Raven.
'Or eating it yourself?"
...
"Well Supreme Ruler Elvira," I have noticed that...
"Shut your mouth Pearl, and open wide!"
"You will eat all this "Foul Food" and more!"
{The Witch and Black Bird leave}
"SLAM!"
...
'Oh, me, oh, my...
"Why does she worry about my weight?"
"I have been trapped in this "Old and Secluded Tower" now, for over five years??"
{Tears start to pour out}
...
"Two more weeks pass without as much as a peep!"
"Pearl is deep asleep, dreaming of her Prince when...
"Bang, Bang, Bang!"
"Startled, Pearl opens the door from the inside...
{Outside is locked}
"And, again the Black Bird and Elvira the Evil Witch!"
...
'Oh Dearie...
"How nice and plump you suddenly are?"
"I guess the extra feedings worked for you?'
"Yes Elvira, I went from a "Size One to a Ten!"
"Good, Good, Good...
"As You should and now...
"A Little Reward!"
"Just follow me to the Kitchen cause something will be cooking?"
"Okay."
...
"They go down a long and dark corridor and come to a Greasy Room!"
'It's The Witches Kitchen and the oven is on KILL!"
"Okay honey now isn't it a little hot in here?"
Asks Elvira.
'Well, maybe to get a little "Comfy" you should change into some more...
"Appropriate Desire?"
'Yes, Elvira.
...
"As Pearl is undressing...
"Something interesting is going on outside "The Hidden Tower?"
"Okay Dearie, nice...
"I'm cold and naked Elvira."
"I thought you were getting me another, beautiful dress?"
"I'll give you a "Beautiful DRESS!"
...
"Elvira slams open the massive, oven, door and tries to push Pearl in when...
"Slam!"
"Crack!"
"BAM!"
"Its "Prince Donald with an axe!"
"As Pearl's parents watch in horror at what is going on...
"Donald instead...
"SHOVES THE EVIL WITCH IN!"
...
"Black and sooty smoke rises out and Pearl and Ronald, quickly leave with...
"Pearls parents."
"They climb in the helicopter and as Pearl looks back...
"She sees "The Black Bird, "Raven" squawking with delight...
"Because, he is finally free!"
"And they lived...
"Happily, Ever, After!"
The End.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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"The Conclusion"
"Once for a Shining Hour...
"Heaven Touched Earth...
"Hope was Born Anew...
"And Peace Reigned in the World."
...
"It has been now a month since her new "Prince Donald," had promised to rescue her but...
"Bang, Bang, Bang!"
"Pearl opens the door and it is...
"The Black Crow," followed by "The Bad and Evil Witch Elvira!"
"Tee, Hee, Hee!"
"What do we have here Raven?"
"Squawk, Squawk!"
...
"Yes, I see...
"She's still way to skinny!"
Complains Elvira.
"Have you been bringing her the "Soured Milk and Moldy Bread, Raven?"
"Squawk, Squawk, Squawk.'
Replies Raven.
'Or eating it yourself?"
...
"Well Supreme Ruler Elvira," I have noticed that...
"Shut your mouth Pearl, and open wide!"
"You will eat all this "Foul Food" and more!"
{The Witch and Black Bird leave}
"SLAM!"
...
'Oh, me, oh, my...
"Why does she worry about my weight?"
"I have been trapped in this "Old and Secluded Tower" now, for over five years??"
{Tears start to pour out}
...
"Two more weeks pass without as much as a peep!"
"Pearl is deep asleep, dreaming of her Prince when...
"Bang, Bang, Bang!"
"Startled, Pearl opens the door from the inside...
{Outside is locked}
"And, again the Black Bird and Elvira the Evil Witch!"
...
'Oh Dearie...
"How nice and plump you suddenly are?"
"I guess the extra feedings worked for you?'
"Yes Elvira, I went from a "Size One to a Ten!"
"Good, Good, Good...
"As You should and now...
"A Little Reward!"
"Just follow me to the Kitchen cause something will be cooking?"
"Okay."
...
"They go down a long and dark corridor and come to a Greasy Room!"
'It's The Witches Kitchen and the oven is on KILL!"
"Okay honey now isn't it a little hot in here?"
Asks Elvira.
'Well, maybe to get a little "Comfy" you should change into some more...
"Appropriate Desire?"
'Yes, Elvira.
...
"As Pearl is undressing...
"Something interesting is going on outside "The Hidden Tower?"
"Okay Dearie, nice...
"I'm cold and naked Elvira."
"I thought you were getting me another, beautiful dress?"
"I'll give you a "Beautiful DRESS!"
...
"Elvira slams open the massive, oven, door and tries to push Pearl in when...
"Slam!"
"Crack!"
"BAM!"
"Its "Prince Donald with an axe!"
"As Pearl's parents watch in horror at what is going on...
"Donald instead...
"SHOVES THE EVIL WITCH IN!"
...
"Black and sooty smoke rises out and Pearl and Ronald, quickly leave with...
"Pearls parents."
"They climb in the helicopter and as Pearl looks back...
"She sees "The Black Bird, "Raven" squawking with delight...
"Because, he is finally free!"
"And they lived...
"Happily, Ever, After!"
The End.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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This is so much fun. I like it better than my own ending. It's a bit like Hansel & Gretel meets Rapunzel.
Thanks for reading.
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Your a Pearl!
Ricky...
