Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Bonded Mates"A Novel of the Breedline Series
7 total reviews
Comment from ngage
Another exciting chapter for the Breedline, Shana.
So now that Eve knows Sebastian"s twin is alive & his intentions for her son, will she run back to the Breedline for help? You left a great cliffhanger.
Looking forward to finding out more about Casey and Lila. I like the characters. Great job!
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Another exciting chapter for the Breedline, Shana.
So now that Eve knows Sebastian"s twin is alive & his intentions for her son, will she run back to the Breedline for help? You left a great cliffhanger.
Looking forward to finding out more about Casey and Lila. I like the characters. Great job!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Thank you, ngage! :)
You are my inspiration each week my loyal friend. I look forward in reading what you have to say about my new post. You're awesome!
Shana :)
Comment from Natali Holden
I never read any of the other chapters in your book, but the "previously" was written so that I wasn't confused even though I picked it up in the middle. Reading this chapter made me want to check out some of your other stuff. You have such talent as a writer. I didn't see anything I would change. Amazing work!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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I never read any of the other chapters in your book, but the "previously" was written so that I wasn't confused even though I picked it up in the middle. Reading this chapter made me want to check out some of your other stuff. You have such talent as a writer. I didn't see anything I would change. Amazing work!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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WOW!!! Thank you Natali :)
This is so inspiring. Your very kind to me. I do appreciate this so much. I do try to always add what has happened in my story previously so everyone will know what's going on. I hoped that would help. :) Thank you for supporting me and for the encouraging words. They do make a difference.
Shana :)
BTW... there is a very special character in my story, and her name is Natalie. :)
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I'm glad to have inspired you, it means a lot to me knowing my words have inspired others. :) That is so awesome that you have a character named Natalie!
Natali ;)
Comment from apky
Fantastic writing as always, Shana. I was captivated. I have a couple of suggestions below for you, which you can reject - it's your work and your style, not mine.
It was (as) if her skin had never seen a scalpel.
"Tell her(,) brother."
When the kitchen door shut behind her, Lila was surprised when she looked across the room.
Suggestion: When the kitchen door shut behind her, and she looked across the room, Lila was surprised. (this way, you lay more emphasis on the "surprised" and make the reader want to know what it could be that surprised her.)
>>When Casey stood in front of her<< when did Casey get up again and why, to now find himself in front of Lila? The last bit the reader had was >>Sitting back down, he sought an explanation, recalling what he'd learned from the other bonded males in the Covenant.<< The reader may need to know why he got off his chair, not in details, but for smoothness of story, so that the reader doesn't have a chance to go: Huh, when did he get up again?
Fondly,
Aki
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Fantastic writing as always, Shana. I was captivated. I have a couple of suggestions below for you, which you can reject - it's your work and your style, not mine.
It was (as) if her skin had never seen a scalpel.
"Tell her(,) brother."
When the kitchen door shut behind her, Lila was surprised when she looked across the room.
Suggestion: When the kitchen door shut behind her, and she looked across the room, Lila was surprised. (this way, you lay more emphasis on the "surprised" and make the reader want to know what it could be that surprised her.)
>>When Casey stood in front of her<< when did Casey get up again and why, to now find himself in front of Lila? The last bit the reader had was >>Sitting back down, he sought an explanation, recalling what he'd learned from the other bonded males in the Covenant.<< The reader may need to know why he got off his chair, not in details, but for smoothness of story, so that the reader doesn't have a chance to go: Huh, when did he get up again?
Fondly,
Aki
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Aki :)
I always look forward in your feedback. Your a gem! Thanks for helping me out. Always a learning process. Some of my writing is different from others, but I do love the advice my sweet friend. I learn from everyone. This is the only way to progress and move on to better writing.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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That's the spirit, darling!
Comment from Asyraf N. Jamsari
A very nicely written story. Good plot development and well constructed story line. The font that you used is very neat and pleasant to be looked at. Great use of characters and well expressed dialogues. And I enjoy the character reference you provide there too. Looking forward for the next one. Keep it up!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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A very nicely written story. Good plot development and well constructed story line. The font that you used is very neat and pleasant to be looked at. Great use of characters and well expressed dialogues. And I enjoy the character reference you provide there too. Looking forward for the next one. Keep it up!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Asyraf :)
Your feedback is pleasant to hear and very motivating. I appreciate this very much. I'm looking forward to hearing from you again.
Shana :)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Curious title that draws attention.
Storyline contains enough action to move the tale along.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Curious title that draws attention.
Storyline contains enough action to move the tale along.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Thank you Brett :)
Glad the title caught your attention. I try to keep the reader interested. Thanks for your kind feedback. Hope to hear from you again.
Shana :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks in a balanced viewpoint in thematic fast forward plot progression with the rising spiral of fantasy spirit now the bonded mate in a metaphorical flavour in a realistic capitalisation; I liked.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
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This speaks in a balanced viewpoint in thematic fast forward plot progression with the rising spiral of fantasy spirit now the bonded mate in a metaphorical flavour in a realistic capitalisation; I liked.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
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Thank you! :)
So glad to hear from you again. Thanks for the inspiring feedback and fabulous rating. You're a gem!
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
Wow! Casey has found his bond mate Lila, and shortly after meeting they have engaged in a kiss, all this, and being "sprung" by Helen and Tim. Some good fodder for the next Episode! Eve seems to have turned 180d, wanting her boys to have a good upbringing, she did not want Arius to be the "AntiChrist". Beautifully written episode, impeccable editing and great imagery, to back this marvellous episode, dear Shana, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
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Wow! Casey has found his bond mate Lila, and shortly after meeting they have engaged in a kiss, all this, and being "sprung" by Helen and Tim. Some good fodder for the next Episode! Eve seems to have turned 180d, wanting her boys to have a good upbringing, she did not want Arius to be the "AntiChrist". Beautifully written episode, impeccable editing and great imagery, to back this marvellous episode, dear Shana, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Roy! :)
I thought you'd like the part about Casey and Lila. This young couple reminds me when I was younger and had my first love. Puts a smile on my face.
Yes, Eve has definitely changed her ways. The visit from Raphael, the Angel of healing, has secretly healed her and saved Arius in a previous chapter. Sebastian and his twin brother Thomas just doesn't know. Good always wins over evil in my books.
Thanks again my dear friend!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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This is a wonderful story of love's first touch. I remember my first love, sigh, she broke my heart, but God had somebody more wonderful,waiting in the wings, and she's still around, PG, lovely work Dear Shana,
