Deadlines
Poetry Potlatch 7/15 - Double Etheree18 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Great use of the cinquain format to describe the ever speeding passage of time when a deadline looms every closer. I especially liked "heartbeats punctuate" and the "sands slip silently" referring to the hourglass.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Great use of the cinquain format to describe the ever speeding passage of time when a deadline looms every closer. I especially liked "heartbeats punctuate" and the "sands slip silently" referring to the hourglass.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi lyenochka,
This one is a double Etheree. I know, I do way too many different styles lol But they are all fun! :) Thanks for noting the pieces that you especially liked in this poem. I appreciate your comments.
Kim
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Oh, thanks for the correction, Kim! I guess I was fooled by the formatting and a mixed up memory!
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hi Kim. This is an excellent Double Etheree poem. I love the diamond shape it creates on the page. The topic is thought provoking. When we are young and working we so very often have to deal with deadlines. It seemed that we were always rushing to beat the clock. As we get older we have self-inflicted deadlines, as there are things we want to still see and do before we reach life's deadline. Our traditions and writings we leave behind.
A perfectly executed Double Etheree. Syllable count for each line is spot on. Perfect pairing of picture and poem. Great job on this Potlatch challenge, Kim. ~ ~ Connie
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Kim. This is an excellent Double Etheree poem. I love the diamond shape it creates on the page. The topic is thought provoking. When we are young and working we so very often have to deal with deadlines. It seemed that we were always rushing to beat the clock. As we get older we have self-inflicted deadlines, as there are things we want to still see and do before we reach life's deadline. Our traditions and writings we leave behind.
A perfectly executed Double Etheree. Syllable count for each line is spot on. Perfect pairing of picture and poem. Great job on this Potlatch challenge, Kim. ~ ~ Connie
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Connie,
You called this one spot on and have highlighted all of the different layers hidden in the depths of these lines. Congrats on being the only one to glean all of the meaning from this poem. I truly appreciate your comments and friendship!
Kim
Comment from damommy
Life is too short to be so stressed over time. At my time of life, I can ignore it when I want to. lol
We are all slaves to the clock, though, aren't we? Whether it's on FS or somewhere else.
Very nice double Etheree, with good alliteration. 8-)
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Life is too short to be so stressed over time. At my time of life, I can ignore it when I want to. lol
We are all slaves to the clock, though, aren't we? Whether it's on FS or somewhere else.
Very nice double Etheree, with good alliteration. 8-)
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Yvonne,
Yes, we sure are. And we all have those moments where the clock wins, too! lol Thanks for the great comments!!
Kim
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Writing in invisible ink? lol :)
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Well, duh! No telling what I'll do. lol
Comment from CD Richards
I like this very much, Kim.
Nice use of rhyme in a couple of the longer lines (page/rage, glass/pass) creates a good effect. Also, your competent use of enjambment greatly assists the flow.
The subject matter is well chosen, and dealt with cleverly. (P.S. I'm tempted to say it's not a race, but you know that).
Great job,
Craig
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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I like this very much, Kim.
Nice use of rhyme in a couple of the longer lines (page/rage, glass/pass) creates a good effect. Also, your competent use of enjambment greatly assists the flow.
The subject matter is well chosen, and dealt with cleverly. (P.S. I'm tempted to say it's not a race, but you know that).
Great job,
Craig
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Craig,
It makes me smile to see you reviewing! :) I'm happy that you stopped by to check this one out! I hope to catch up with you soon! You know me all too well lol
*hugs*
Kim
Comment from rama devi
Excellent etheree and reflective, introspective exploration of the timeless theme of time.
Fluid flow, true to form and rich in fine phonetics, this was nice to read aloud, especially the assonance of A, consonance and alliteration of P, S(and soft C), and L; and the consonance of G and J sounds too.
NICE: heartbeats punctuate -
*spag suggestion:
with our pen strokes upon the page(, or ;)
we forge ahead in moments of joy
or falter through sadness, struck down by rage.
I like the fresh style of delivery of this otherwise cliche image of sands running down the hourglass:
As sands slip silently from glass to glass --
they mark the moments of our lives, pass
I love to see that innovative use of a worn image, making it fresh again!
Nice random rhymes too.
The closing is poignant.
Well done!
Bravo
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Excellent etheree and reflective, introspective exploration of the timeless theme of time.
Fluid flow, true to form and rich in fine phonetics, this was nice to read aloud, especially the assonance of A, consonance and alliteration of P, S(and soft C), and L; and the consonance of G and J sounds too.
NICE: heartbeats punctuate -
*spag suggestion:
with our pen strokes upon the page(, or ;)
we forge ahead in moments of joy
or falter through sadness, struck down by rage.
I like the fresh style of delivery of this otherwise cliche image of sands running down the hourglass:
As sands slip silently from glass to glass --
they mark the moments of our lives, pass
I love to see that innovative use of a worn image, making it fresh again!
Nice random rhymes too.
The closing is poignant.
Well done!
Bravo
Love,
rd
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, rd!
I always appreciate your detailed reviews!! :)
*hugs*
Kim
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~*~ {{{ ((( ::: hugs! ::: ))) }}} ~*~
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written double etheree poem you have penned for the contest about time. You used very good wording and very good imagery with the art work. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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This is a very well written double etheree poem you have penned for the contest about time. You used very good wording and very good imagery with the art work. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Teri,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I truly appreciate your comments.
Kim
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Kim,
I enjoyed reading your double etheree for potlatch. You expressed your thoughts/feelings well. I really like the subject.
In the 1st etheree, there is a missing line of 8 syllables
[I know you will fix it--so a 5 star rating]
You give readers a lot to think about in regards to time. Thanks for sharing. Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Kim,
I enjoyed reading your double etheree for potlatch. You expressed your thoughts/feelings well. I really like the subject.
In the 1st etheree, there is a missing line of 8 syllables
[I know you will fix it--so a 5 star rating]
You give readers a lot to think about in regards to time. Thanks for sharing. Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Jan!!
I was leaving on a mini road trip and read this all wrong lol in the process, I somehow edited to change the seven syllable line to 8 syllables. If it weren't for you and Barb I'd have really messed it up lol She then pointed out there was still a line missing and I got it edited correctly (finally!) That's what happens when I am travelling out of cell range and trying to finish before James drives out of data area lol Thank you so much for catching my goof!!!
Kim
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No worries. You got a great response. How was your birthday? That image I sent looked like one you would enjoy--kind of historical, romantic, & pretty. Jan
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My birthday was wonderful :) I just gave a glimpse in my Bookend Monorhyme practice piece! Yep, you chose the perfect picture!!!
Comment from sunnilicious
And these are the days of our lives... Lolz.
Great poem. Well thought out and nicely written. This group has you thinking overtime on life. Stay optimistic and happy. Good author notes. Hearts & hugs, Alicia (aka Sunnilicious)
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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And these are the days of our lives... Lolz.
Great poem. Well thought out and nicely written. This group has you thinking overtime on life. Stay optimistic and happy. Good author notes. Hearts & hugs, Alicia (aka Sunnilicious)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Hi Sunni,
Thanks for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate your comments.
Kim
