Unwanted Dog
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Pie In The Sky"A short autobiography
17 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
I bdt you love Egg McMuffins now.
He looked up from the folder in his hand and laid it down on the top of his desk. He simply replied, "You're back."
Then, I saw him stand up and reach for his strap that hung on the wall.
Slowly, I unbuckled my belt. (This part sucks. I know this man got his rocks off hurting kids. Great place for him to be.)
Sorry I'm late, life got me very busy.
hugs HEidi
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
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I bdt you love Egg McMuffins now.
He looked up from the folder in his hand and laid it down on the top of his desk. He simply replied, "You're back."
Then, I saw him stand up and reach for his strap that hung on the wall.
Slowly, I unbuckled my belt. (This part sucks. I know this man got his rocks off hurting kids. Great place for him to be.)
Sorry I'm late, life got me very busy.
hugs HEidi
Comment Written 06-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter of my autobiography.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Ok Brett. I admit I missed these 2 chapters. But I will fix that fast. This one was great. I could tell you were really liking Dusty West. I am saddened that you had to return to Hermitage Hall alone. Off to read the next one. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Ok Brett. I admit I missed these 2 chapters. But I will fix that fast. This one was great. I could tell you were really liking Dusty West. I am saddened that you had to return to Hermitage Hall alone. Off to read the next one. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
I may have to write more of what occurred between Dusty West and I after he fostered me and leading up to my actual adoption.
Many FanStorians have been asking me to.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Brett; thank you for sharing another well written account of your story. Since I know you will end up with Dusty, it wasn't hard to read about how you left McDonalds.
The structure of your writing is sound, and I didn't see any nits or SPAG. I'm looking forward to the next part,
~patty~
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Hi Brett; thank you for sharing another well written account of your story. Since I know you will end up with Dusty, it wasn't hard to read about how you left McDonalds.
The structure of your writing is sound, and I didn't see any nits or SPAG. I'm looking forward to the next part,
~patty~
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from emptypage
So here's the missing piece. I didn't get this in my inbox. I don't know what you mean by "pluck all your tailfeathers..." but if it means what it sounds like, I don't think I'd have wanted him taking me home.
"Perhaps you should have considered that option before you ran away again. The rules are the rules and they are in place for a reason." --disagree with your dad on this. Abuse vs. rules??
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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So here's the missing piece. I didn't get this in my inbox. I don't know what you mean by "pluck all your tailfeathers..." but if it means what it sounds like, I don't think I'd have wanted him taking me home.
"Perhaps you should have considered that option before you ran away again. The rules are the rules and they are in place for a reason." --disagree with your dad on this. Abuse vs. rules??
Comment Written 18-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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So, you don't know what one expression means, and you disagree with rules being rules,
Is that really justification for a four star review?
I thought reviews were supposed to be based on the quality of the writing not on personal opinions?
Any way, appreciate you reading this and taking the time to write a review. Much appreciated.
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No, Brett, it was the nits throughout. Sometimes you put the words down perfectly, and sometimes it feels like you're in a hurry. You got mad at me for pointing out spags so I stopped. Your idea of writing quality differs from mine. I think you're a good storyteller, but you need a little more editing sometimes.
Comment from Anio
Brett, another page turner. True story-teller you are. Told you I liked Dusty. I am an ex-teacher/lecturer of nearly 30 years all up - and I can read a boy's face like a book when he's thinking of stuff - YOU know ::))) I live with a 5 year old now and he hates it - keeps saying "Don't look at me like that!" when I've caught him just about to do IT. I'm one of your fans so I'm here for the whole story my friend. Anita
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
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Brett, another page turner. True story-teller you are. Told you I liked Dusty. I am an ex-teacher/lecturer of nearly 30 years all up - and I can read a boy's face like a book when he's thinking of stuff - YOU know ::))) I live with a 5 year old now and he hates it - keeps saying "Don't look at me like that!" when I've caught him just about to do IT. I'm one of your fans so I'm here for the whole story my friend. Anita
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
A boy up to no good can be easily read if the person knows what they are looking for.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Arlene Adelkopf
I just joined this website so I don't know your character's too well, but unless English is their second language, there should be more "contractions" in their conversation i.e. "You did not do so" is too formal. It would be more natural to say, "You didn't do so."
Also, since Coca Cola is almost exclusively sold in McDonalds you should check to see if Pepsi was ever sold in the town your characters are in.
If the man said "No" it wouldn't be "his actions assured me my request was not going to happen....it was his word.
I would like to know the rest of the story because I am also writing a book about a real character, my mother.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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I just joined this website so I don't know your character's too well, but unless English is their second language, there should be more "contractions" in their conversation i.e. "You did not do so" is too formal. It would be more natural to say, "You didn't do so."
Also, since Coca Cola is almost exclusively sold in McDonalds you should check to see if Pepsi was ever sold in the town your characters are in.
If the man said "No" it wouldn't be "his actions assured me my request was not going to happen....it was his word.
I would like to know the rest of the story because I am also writing a book about a real character, my mother.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Before you write a review that proves you do not have any idea what the story is about, how the characters speak, interact with one another, or much to do about them, your starting point should have been to invest a little time in becoming familiar with the story before writing the review.
However, you failed to do this, and being new to the site, you only reviewed this story in order to grab a few Member Cents. Spend them well!
Therefore, as far as I am concerned, your review is pointless, useless, and holds no merit. I consider it a complete waste of time.
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AS a matter of fact, I have read the whole story, and you generally do use contractions and these few instances just stood out as unusual. But I also do stick by my question about the use of Pepsi as the drink rather than Coke. I have been "called" on my use of products in stories when they have not seemed appropriate for time or place according to readers. If they can distract the reader from the story it's worth checking. I have edited several published works, and I thought this was why we were on this site. Feel free to comment and correct my work when I post a story or a chapter of my book. And by way, I wasn't even looking at the "money" thing because I don't even understand yet how it all works. Sorry if you didn't like my comments, and I apologize for not adding the fact that I do like the story.
Comment from Spitfire
Apparently, Dusty felt you weren't ready to accept authority yet, a rebel ready to knife a balloon man just for fun. I'm guessing he couldn't drive off in the sun with you for fear of being charged of kidnapping. So don't if I can stand to hear of another lashing!
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Apparently, Dusty felt you weren't ready to accept authority yet, a rebel ready to knife a balloon man just for fun. I'm guessing he couldn't drive off in the sun with you for fear of being charged of kidnapping. So don't if I can stand to hear of another lashing!
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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I believe the one lashing scene well conveyed that situation.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Apprereciate you taking the time to read it and write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from country ranch writer
Lessons learned along the way has helped you turn into the man you are today. I know it was a rough road to have to travel to get there but you survived the ordeal just the same. Sorry you had to suffer so much hell to get there
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Lessons learned along the way has helped you turn into the man you are today. I know it was a rough road to have to travel to get there but you survived the ordeal just the same. Sorry you had to suffer so much hell to get there
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Ricky1024
Conversation between a twelve year old and a possible future parent.
Young Brett took it on the cuff and left the safety of a stranger that cared...
"To King Tubbo with strap ready and willing...
"But, the question is as young Brett undoes his belt...
Whom's gonna win?
Got my money on God!
This was another interesting chapter...
I think the pocket knife could be trouble or "Young Brett's" Savior?
Stay tuned...
Dr. Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Conversation between a twelve year old and a possible future parent.
Young Brett took it on the cuff and left the safety of a stranger that cared...
"To King Tubbo with strap ready and willing...
"But, the question is as young Brett undoes his belt...
Whom's gonna win?
Got my money on God!
This was another interesting chapter...
I think the pocket knife could be trouble or "Young Brett's" Savior?
Stay tuned...
Dr. Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
You were surprised when someone actually cared about your well being. He pushed the right buttons when he showed you a little attention. He listened. You were not accustomed to that. Not at all. I wonder if Tubbo noticed your attitude adjustment. I wonder did he use the strap? Did Dusty check on you? Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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You were surprised when someone actually cared about your well being. He pushed the right buttons when he showed you a little attention. He listened. You were not accustomed to that. Not at all. I wonder if Tubbo noticed your attitude adjustment. I wonder did he use the strap? Did Dusty check on you? Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
I appreciate you taking the time to read it and write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
