This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "This Time - That Time the Sequel"Veronica is sent back again
43 total reviews
Comment from emptypage
Wow. I mean, that response to your own son, even if his eyes are red... that made me cry. I can't help wondering, of course, what is going on, so I'll have to keep reading until I know.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
  |
Wow. I mean, that response to your own son, even if his eyes are red... that made me cry. I can't help wondering, of course, what is going on, so I'll have to keep reading until I know.
Nice job.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you, my friend. I'm delighted you will be following this story. We have a lot to find out!! Big hugs, :) Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, staring into two piercing red what???...orbits...hummmm....LOL...really????...we have got to talk...you much learn to complete your sentences...LOL...sounds like some pretty shady stuff going on here...why the bars on the window???...and I see Sir John hasn't changed a bit...a great chapter sweet angel...now what is Veronica going to do???...very well thought of you...and very well written...love ya sooooooo big...love Linda xxoo
say hi to all for me...hope Ian is doing better...and Sarah as well...you take care as well...xxoo love
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
HI Sandra, staring into two piercing red what???...orbits...hummmm....LOL...really????...we have got to talk...you much learn to complete your sentences...LOL...sounds like some pretty shady stuff going on here...why the bars on the window???...and I see Sir John hasn't changed a bit...a great chapter sweet angel...now what is Veronica going to do???...very well thought of you...and very well written...love ya sooooooo big...love Linda xxoo
say hi to all for me...hope Ian is doing better...and Sarah as well...you take care as well...xxoo love
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
LOL, Linda!! I can't believe I did it again, yes, you're right, I keep forgetting to end the sentences! Now you'll have to come back and read the next part!!! LOL. Thanks, dear friend. Big hugs, and much love. Sandra xxxx
Ian is back in hospital, his kidneys aren't working properly. We are waiting for the results of another x-ray. More waiting. :( xxx
-
that's ok...we are all losing are memories...you are losing yours just before you finish a sentence...LOL....sooooo welcome...and the biggerest of hugs...loveeeeeeeeee Linda xxoo
I am so sorry Ian is back in the hospital...hopefully they will find it...and it will heal fast...it will be ok...you will see...give him a big hug for me...and make sure to say I said hi...love xxoo
Comment from Jay Squires
What a dramatic ending line, Sandra. Wow! Talk o' the devil. The entire chapter was filled with your usual mystery with the protagonist either asking questions the reader is thinking, or conjecturing on what will likely be the next turn in the plot. You do have a way with the "language" of mystery, you know.
It was obvious to me that they had been put there to keep someone in, as opposed to keeping someone out.
[Good logic.]
she opened the door and walked over to stand in front of the man sat at the desk, [I want to suggest "the man WHO sat at the desk," but I'm wondering about the British syntax making it all right. I thought I'd bring it to your attention, at any rate.]
"My dear, if only...." [Only use three dots with an incomplete thought, four for a complete sentence.]
I'm wondering if I missed a chapter along the way. My reading has been rather scattered since I'm working on my play and only have two more days to submit it.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
What a dramatic ending line, Sandra. Wow! Talk o' the devil. The entire chapter was filled with your usual mystery with the protagonist either asking questions the reader is thinking, or conjecturing on what will likely be the next turn in the plot. You do have a way with the "language" of mystery, you know.
It was obvious to me that they had been put there to keep someone in, as opposed to keeping someone out.
[Good logic.]
she opened the door and walked over to stand in front of the man sat at the desk, [I want to suggest "the man WHO sat at the desk," but I'm wondering about the British syntax making it all right. I thought I'd bring it to your attention, at any rate.]
"My dear, if only...." [Only use three dots with an incomplete thought, four for a complete sentence.]
I'm wondering if I missed a chapter along the way. My reading has been rather scattered since I'm working on my play and only have two more days to submit it.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much, my dear friend. I've changed the dots, (you must get fed telling me about them, but please don't stop!) I've also added the 'WHO' to that line, even though it's quite common here not to say it, but whether it is UK grammatically correct, I'm not sure. So, I'm not taking any chances and have put it in. I'm glad you liked the ending, the poor child, Veronica will have to work her magic. Thanks again, Jay. I hope you get your play sorted in time!! Good luck with it.. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cousin.
I've missed so much of this story and I'm sorry about that.
Wow, what a potent end to this chapter... Ouch!
I could follow along, easily, as I remember the characters well. What a crazy mixed up situation... sounds a bit like my life sometimes lol.
Beautifully written, as always and nothing to correct that I could see.
Hopefully I can stick around long enough to keep up with you.
Delia says Kumusta.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
G'day Cousin.
I've missed so much of this story and I'm sorry about that.
Wow, what a potent end to this chapter... Ouch!
I could follow along, easily, as I remember the characters well. What a crazy mixed up situation... sounds a bit like my life sometimes lol.
Beautifully written, as always and nothing to correct that I could see.
Hopefully I can stick around long enough to keep up with you.
Delia says Kumusta.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Hi back, cousin!
We lost an aunt this week, Fez, the Thwaites family has lost a few these last three years, including my dear mum. It brings home our mortality, doesn't it? You would have liked my mum and her sister, they were totally mad, bless them. I think all Thwaites are! LOL.
Back to the story, I'm so pleased you popped in to read it. It's not too far in, I must write a bit of a synopsis for catch ups, that way you can pop in and out whenever you are able. How are you? You sound well. And Delia, say, Kumusta, back for me! Big hugs, my dear. :) Sandra xxxx
-
Yes, it's sad,cousin. We had a spate in Australia, about 10 years ago and lost several in a couple of years.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Sandra. This is an intriguing story that you have written. Clearly expressed for the reader. Vivid and intricate descriptions of surroundings (which I enjoy tremendously). Well done. Marilyn
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
Hi Sandra. This is an intriguing story that you have written. Clearly expressed for the reader. Vivid and intricate descriptions of surroundings (which I enjoy tremendously). Well done. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
I'm delighted you enjoyed it, Marilyn! Thank you for the lovely review, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Sandra
= Oh my goodness! What a hook to leave the reader with--excellent.
= Glad I'm getting on the beginning of this book.
= Nicely written, my friend. Looking forward to continuing on.
= Need space before this line.
With a hiccupped gulp, the child sank down onto his pillow
= You can do away with dialogue tag: he shrieked (it becomes redundant)
1) Since Sir John leapt off his chair--we already know he is speaking.
2) Also, since you used and =!= tells the reader he's yelling.
>> "Get that freak away from me!" he shrieked. I
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
Hi, Sandra
= Oh my goodness! What a hook to leave the reader with--excellent.
= Glad I'm getting on the beginning of this book.
= Nicely written, my friend. Looking forward to continuing on.
= Need space before this line.
With a hiccupped gulp, the child sank down onto his pillow
= You can do away with dialogue tag: he shrieked (it becomes redundant)
1) Since Sir John leapt off his chair--we already know he is speaking.
2) Also, since you used and =!= tells the reader he's yelling.
>> "Get that freak away from me!" he shrieked. I
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for that, Jackie, I have removed the speech tag from that sentence. I'll remember that one day!!! Thanks for the lovely review, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from apky
Part of what I absolutely adore about the "old days" is the respect, the gentlemanly behaviour towards wome. In those days, women were not reduced to "sexy" as their highest goal.
I followed her down the stairs from the attic to the main bedroom corridor with the impressive sweeping staircase that led to the ground floor. As we continued on, I noticed a few portraits on the wall that would later be added to by future generations. The main front door was different, and it wasn't as imposing as the one I remembered. It will obviously be changed at some time.
Now on the ground floor, I followed the woman along the hallway and past the grand dining room, until we arrived at the door of the study. On hearing the command to enter after she knocked, she opened the door and walked over to stand in front of the man sat at the desk, who I could only assume was the child's father.
"What is it, Meg?" he said, not bothering to look up. "Speak up, woman!"
"It's Lady Gwendolyne, Sir John. I think you should come and see her now ... or as soon as you can, Sir."
Thanks for this.
Apky
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
Part of what I absolutely adore about the "old days" is the respect, the gentlemanly behaviour towards wome. In those days, women were not reduced to "sexy" as their highest goal.
I followed her down the stairs from the attic to the main bedroom corridor with the impressive sweeping staircase that led to the ground floor. As we continued on, I noticed a few portraits on the wall that would later be added to by future generations. The main front door was different, and it wasn't as imposing as the one I remembered. It will obviously be changed at some time.
Now on the ground floor, I followed the woman along the hallway and past the grand dining room, until we arrived at the door of the study. On hearing the command to enter after she knocked, she opened the door and walked over to stand in front of the man sat at the desk, who I could only assume was the child's father.
"What is it, Meg?" he said, not bothering to look up. "Speak up, woman!"
"It's Lady Gwendolyne, Sir John. I think you should come and see her now ... or as soon as you can, Sir."
Thanks for this.
Apky
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much for reading this part, Apky, I really appreciate the lovely review. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from royowen
You are so right about a child, if the child is yours why would one call him a freak, just because the child was malformed in some, they are flesh of flesh, bone of bone, offspring, therefore beloved and beautiful, though I've not had to deal with it, I'm still sure of that! Well done, Sandra, excellently scribed, I wonder if this is Veronica's task? Well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
You are so right about a child, if the child is yours why would one call him a freak, just because the child was malformed in some, they are flesh of flesh, bone of bone, offspring, therefore beloved and beautiful, though I've not had to deal with it, I'm still sure of that! Well done, Sandra, excellently scribed, I wonder if this is Veronica's task? Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much, Roy, we think alike. It doesn't matter what the child looks like, or how clever or not they are, they're still beautiful in the eyes of the parent. Veronica has lots to do, my dear friend! Big hugs! Sandra xxx
-
Wonderful episode
Comment from Margaret Ford
My goodness, I didn't expect that last sentence! I'll have to read the next installment for sure. I like your protagonist; she's, empathetic, compassionate, intelligent, and that's another thing that keeps me interested in the story.
This was well-written, but I did find one little omission, I think. Your sentence, "There was only one more area I could look, and that was in the attics." may be missing a word or two. Maybe "one more area in which I could look" or "one more area where I could look" or "one more place I could look" would work for you. But feel free to toss these ideas if you don't want any of them.
I'll be back to see what happens with the "two piercing red orbs." Yikes. Margaret
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
My goodness, I didn't expect that last sentence! I'll have to read the next installment for sure. I like your protagonist; she's, empathetic, compassionate, intelligent, and that's another thing that keeps me interested in the story.
This was well-written, but I did find one little omission, I think. Your sentence, "There was only one more area I could look, and that was in the attics." may be missing a word or two. Maybe "one more area in which I could look" or "one more area where I could look" or "one more place I could look" would work for you. But feel free to toss these ideas if you don't want any of them.
I'll be back to see what happens with the "two piercing red orbs." Yikes. Margaret
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you, Margaret, for pointing that out. I'll go and sort it now. Extra eyes are so useful!!! I'm really glad you will be coming back to read what's going on. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
Aha! So that's why the poor baby was locked away. He's different in some strange way. Bless his heart. And you've told this chapter really well. I enjoyed it thoroughly!
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
Sandra,
Aha! So that's why the poor baby was locked away. He's different in some strange way. Bless his heart. And you've told this chapter really well. I enjoyed it thoroughly!
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Hi, Robyn. Thank you, your review is so encouraging, I'm delighted you enjoyed it. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
