Unwanted Dog
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Weaseler"A short autobiography
21 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
Fantastic story and what makes it even better is it actually happened. I'm sure you did weasel a lot out of him over the years.
A few minor nits.
"It'll do," was all this man of few words matter-of-factly said(,) as he placed two more bags in the bed of the vehicle.
He looked at me(,) but did not utter a word.
neither one of us realized it at the time(,) but I'd continue to ( I personally think if you put a comma in front of the conjunction, it reads better.)
hugs HEidi
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Fantastic story and what makes it even better is it actually happened. I'm sure you did weasel a lot out of him over the years.
A few minor nits.
"It'll do," was all this man of few words matter-of-factly said(,) as he placed two more bags in the bed of the vehicle.
He looked at me(,) but did not utter a word.
neither one of us realized it at the time(,) but I'd continue to ( I personally think if you put a comma in front of the conjunction, it reads better.)
hugs HEidi
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
I did weasel lots of things out of him over the years.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
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I'm just letting you know. I've been insane lately. Haven't been on lately. I wont erase your story because I really want to read this book. Thanks
Heidi
Comment from BeasPeas
I enjoyed reading this episode of your story. Well written and clear. I think you had previously alluded to meeting him. It will be interesting to read your next segment of the story and the conversation in McDonald's. Marilyn
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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I enjoyed reading this episode of your story. Well written and clear. I think you had previously alluded to meeting him. It will be interesting to read your next segment of the story and the conversation in McDonald's. Marilyn
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Our conversation in McDonald's opened my eyes to several things.
Comment from Norbanus
I stumbled on this tale for something new;
no thought but one more book down off the shelf.
Imagine my surprise at déjà vu
to find another lad much like myself.
Back down time's well-worn path one score and six,
I too escaped that bitter kindness trap,
To set myself into a different fix,
and educate myself about life's crap.
I surely want to read this book complete
so next step on my journey's chapter one.
To watch another growing might be neat.
Although, from in the loop, it's never fun.
Congratulations, on your choice of Dad.
It's one thing many orphans never had.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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I stumbled on this tale for something new;
no thought but one more book down off the shelf.
Imagine my surprise at déjà vu
to find another lad much like myself.
Back down time's well-worn path one score and six,
I too escaped that bitter kindness trap,
To set myself into a different fix,
and educate myself about life's crap.
I surely want to read this book complete
so next step on my journey's chapter one.
To watch another growing might be neat.
Although, from in the loop, it's never fun.
Congratulations, on your choice of Dad.
It's one thing many orphans never had.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Enjoyed the poem review.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from emptypage
In your opening sentence you have a double negative... you write, "The first nine chapters of my autobiography detail events that I experienced living in Hermitage Hall, an orphanage with a stellar reputation, but a much less undesirable environment behind the scenes." You should either say "a much less desirable environment" or a much more undesirable environment." As it stands, it means, "boy, this place was better than you'd believe!"
I love this chapter! The description of the old lady was almost poetic. The discourse between you and your soon to be dad was good and set the tone for the next chapter.
I'll be waiting.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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In your opening sentence you have a double negative... you write, "The first nine chapters of my autobiography detail events that I experienced living in Hermitage Hall, an orphanage with a stellar reputation, but a much less undesirable environment behind the scenes." You should either say "a much less desirable environment" or a much more undesirable environment." As it stands, it means, "boy, this place was better than you'd believe!"
I love this chapter! The description of the old lady was almost poetic. The discourse between you and your soon to be dad was good and set the tone for the next chapter.
I'll be waiting.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Appreciate the "catch" and you taking the time to not only read this portion of my autobiography but to write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Spitfire
Perfect description of Walmart. I can't stand the place.
You don't say it, but I can't help feeling someone, be it a spirit guide or angel, is helping you. Alan too. Maybe it's karma, but I'm betting he gets more out of the relationship than you--not materially, but spiritually.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Perfect description of Walmart. I can't stand the place.
You don't say it, but I can't help feeling someone, be it a spirit guide or angel, is helping you. Alan too. Maybe it's karma, but I'm betting he gets more out of the relationship than you--not materially, but spiritually.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Looking back, I can honestly say I believe we both got much more than we bargained for. I know I did.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
It is so hard to realize this is true, and that good things happen at the right time to those that need. Very well written as you let up to the final decision in this chapter. No problems noted
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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It is so hard to realize this is true, and that good things happen at the right time to those that need. Very well written as you let up to the final decision in this chapter. No problems noted
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Good things do happen to those who wait for them, so true.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow! You escaped a 2nd time. I'm impressed. But for a young boy I can imagine because of this writing how determined you were.
That man who beat you should have been arrested.
You described this character in such detail that I can 'see' him.
Why did you have to stop the story. Ok, I know you want readers to return & I will.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Wow! You escaped a 2nd time. I'm impressed. But for a young boy I can imagine because of this writing how determined you were.
That man who beat you should have been arrested.
You described this character in such detail that I can 'see' him.
Why did you have to stop the story. Ok, I know you want readers to return & I will.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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I felt by FanStory standards, more than 1500 words was getting too long.
I appreciate you taking the time to not only read, and enjoy, this portion of my autobiography but to write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from country ranch writer
lessons learned come when we least expect it he was kind enough to offer food with no strings attached and in this world it is a plus.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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lessons learned come when we least expect it he was kind enough to offer food with no strings attached and in this world it is a plus.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Lessons learned some times do come the hard way indeed.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography and the review.
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Smiles
Comment from LaRosa
I didn't see any SPAG corrections needed.
Did you seriously mean you met your REAL dad? Guess I have to keep reading to find out, yes? :)
The only thing that I had a problem with was that the conversation about WalMart seemed a little long. Otherwise, you kept my attention and wanting more...
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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I didn't see any SPAG corrections needed.
Did you seriously mean you met your REAL dad? Guess I have to keep reading to find out, yes? :)
The only thing that I had a problem with was that the conversation about WalMart seemed a little long. Otherwise, you kept my attention and wanting more...
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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No, I met the man who became my Dad. At that time, he was an unknown stranger.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Dad Shopping" at Walmart?"
"Well, I Guess I have heard stranger things!!
"I admire your persistency as "Young and Fearless Brett."
"I also admire that you didn't give in to the "Lost The Dad and Mom" thing."
"Reminds me of the movie "Annie" when the starving boy says...
"More Please?"
"Or, "The Artful Dodger" mastering his trade of "The Pick-Pocket!"
"Enjoyed this well written story Chapter in your Life."
"It's funny how these "Little things" from years past can be so quickly resurrected!
Dr. Ricky 1024
"Preaching the Choir here at Fan Story...
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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"Dad Shopping" at Walmart?"
"Well, I Guess I have heard stranger things!!
"I admire your persistency as "Young and Fearless Brett."
"I also admire that you didn't give in to the "Lost The Dad and Mom" thing."
"Reminds me of the movie "Annie" when the starving boy says...
"More Please?"
"Or, "The Artful Dodger" mastering his trade of "The Pick-Pocket!"
"Enjoyed this well written story Chapter in your Life."
"It's funny how these "Little things" from years past can be so quickly resurrected!
Dr. Ricky 1024
"Preaching the Choir here at Fan Story...
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography.
