Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Beloved"A Novel of the Breedline Series
7 total reviews
Comment from rwilliam
Time seeped through reality's filter as she saw her future pass before her.--LOVED this line so much!!
I enjoyed this chapter. You amaze me still, at the talent you have to write. I just wanted to say that once again. :-)
Excellent writing. You always leaving me wanting more.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
  |
Time seeped through reality's filter as she saw her future pass before her.--LOVED this line so much!!
I enjoyed this chapter. You amaze me still, at the talent you have to write. I just wanted to say that once again. :-)
Excellent writing. You always leaving me wanting more.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
-
Oh, wow! Thank you Rebecca! :)
I always love getting feedback from you. You've been my friend and advisor. You made my day! :)
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
The photo created an interesting start. Good job. I see how Eve is beginning to change her ways. Im anxious to find out how this will play out. You did a great job changing how I feel about her now. Im finding myself starting to like her character.
Now that Jace has met Tessa's father, Im curious to see how Kenneth will go in your story.
Great job with entertaining me once again with the Breedline saga. Until next time.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
 |
The photo created an interesting start. Good job. I see how Eve is beginning to change her ways. Im anxious to find out how this will play out. You did a great job changing how I feel about her now. Im finding myself starting to like her character.
Now that Jace has met Tessa's father, Im curious to see how Kenneth will go in your story.
Great job with entertaining me once again with the Breedline saga. Until next time.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you, ngage! :)
You always brighten my day with your feedback. I enjoy hearing what you have to say. Thank you my dear friend!
Shana :)
Comment from apky
You have crafted a brilliant, complicated story here, full of love seasoned with conflict upon conflict. This genre is truly your strongest suit, darling. I'm in awe at your craftsmanship and unique talent.
When he pulled away, her eyes (delete -were) glistened with tears, making the crimson specks vibrant and electric in the light.
The one's(delete the apostrophe) she tried to forget.
Between one heartbeat and the next, he just stared at her for the longest time. "You are my beloved, and they are my blood," he proclaimed. ()"How could I not want you?"
No matterDelete "No matter" and replace with "Despite") Sebastian's assurances that he would take care of her and their children, she still had committed a crime against the Breedline, and crime didn't go unpunished.
Love had many twists and turns. It was painful, joyful, fulfilling and frightening as hell, Jem thought. It made a man vulnerable. It opened him up to unimaginable hurts and agony. But it also gifted him with something stronger than anything else in the world. ~ I loved this. Brilliant!
Love,
Aki
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
|
You have crafted a brilliant, complicated story here, full of love seasoned with conflict upon conflict. This genre is truly your strongest suit, darling. I'm in awe at your craftsmanship and unique talent.
When he pulled away, her eyes (delete -were) glistened with tears, making the crimson specks vibrant and electric in the light.
The one's(delete the apostrophe) she tried to forget.
Between one heartbeat and the next, he just stared at her for the longest time. "You are my beloved, and they are my blood," he proclaimed. ()"How could I not want you?"
No matterDelete "No matter" and replace with "Despite") Sebastian's assurances that he would take care of her and their children, she still had committed a crime against the Breedline, and crime didn't go unpunished.
Love had many twists and turns. It was painful, joyful, fulfilling and frightening as hell, Jem thought. It made a man vulnerable. It opened him up to unimaginable hurts and agony. But it also gifted him with something stronger than anything else in the world. ~ I loved this. Brilliant!
Love,
Aki
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
-
Thank you so much my dear friend. :)
I really appreciate your feedback and helpful advice. I need to hire you to edit my next series. You have a great eye. The copyeditors I have are very green.
Thanks again!
Your fan,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
Well, Shana, it looks like Sebastion has kidnapped Eve, but I wonder if she has been swayed because of guilt, and a desire to do the right thing. The breedline is organising a search for Sebastion, and endeavouring to get Celina to creat a protective spell. Well done, dear Shana in this advancing and brilliant episode. Well done. Dear girl. Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
|
Well, Shana, it looks like Sebastion has kidnapped Eve, but I wonder if she has been swayed because of guilt, and a desire to do the right thing. The breedline is organising a search for Sebastion, and endeavouring to get Celina to creat a protective spell. Well done, dear Shana in this advancing and brilliant episode. Well done. Dear girl. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
-
Thsnk you, Roy :)
So glad to hear your feedback. Thanks so much for the rating and kind words. Your my favorite inspiration.
Eve does love Sebastian, but she has also changed her ways and guilt may sway her decision to tun away from her crimes.
Thanks again my friend.
Always your fan, Shana :)
-
I hope so dear Shana
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the feelings and sentiment of love and wonder turns dread after Eve gives birth to two boys at such changes she thought of getting punishment for her crimes and sins committed; I liked.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
|
This speaks the feelings and sentiment of love and wonder turns dread after Eve gives birth to two boys at such changes she thought of getting punishment for her crimes and sins committed; I liked.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
-
Thank you! :)
Its nice to hear such great feedback. Stay tuned to find out what will happen in the world of the Breedline.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from His Grayness
This writing is very complex with a story line that is amazingly creative, imaginative, and somewhat challenging to follow,while the challenge is indeed the joy of the reading. My thanks to the author for a truly unique work! HIS GRAYNESS:
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
|
This writing is very complex with a story line that is amazingly creative, imaginative, and somewhat challenging to follow,while the challenge is indeed the joy of the reading. My thanks to the author for a truly unique work! HIS GRAYNESS:
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
-
Thank you, His Grayness! :)
BTW, would love to know the story behind your name.
So inspired by your great review and kind words. This is a motivator to me.
Shana ;)
Comment from Beverly Botelho
This is one of the best book chapters I've read on FanStory. Imaginative, original - it is perfect. It captured my attention from the beginning, and sustained my interest throughout. As I am new to this story, I'm glad you posted the explanation of terms at the end. Keep going with this!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
|
This is one of the best book chapters I've read on FanStory. Imaginative, original - it is perfect. It captured my attention from the beginning, and sustained my interest throughout. As I am new to this story, I'm glad you posted the explanation of terms at the end. Keep going with this!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
-
Oh wow! Thank you so much! :)
You really inspired me Beverly and brightened my day. I will be so positive with my story as I continue onto book four, Sins of Chaos. You're truly a gem! I just can't express enough how motivated I feel now.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
-
Happy to have inspired you!
