Comment from kathleenspalding

Excellent

Really sweet chapter, just like the first sentence promised :-) After reading the pregnancy test chapter, I came back to make sure... Best to establish the date a.s.a.p. so the reader doesn't form false expectations.

With admiration..."eyes" is used twice in this sentence. Up to you.

That's it. Great start to your novel! Oh, which reminds me, I also read the preface. "They" say to avoid prefaces these days, but it would actually be interesting at the end, or as a blurb. Again, totally up to you.

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2017

Hi Kathleen; thank you for going back to the earlier chapter and prologue. One of the publishers I sent an earlier novel to asked for a prologue, so I've enjoyed writing them for my newer works, too.

~patty~

reply by kathleenspalding on 29-Jul-2017

Excellent! You're welcome

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

An interesting way to start a relationship--a staple-gunned gift. I look forward to more of this story, my friend. Hasn't communication advanced from the dark ages of snail mail?~Debbie

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017

Hi Debbie; thank you so much for your thoughtful review,

~patty~

Comment from bhogg

Excellent

Patty - certainly enough for me to read some of your other chapters, A couple of things to think about below.


and she came (an echo on she on the previous sentence. leave out, 'and came')
Yea, and I do (Yeah - several times you used)
Well, I do, in fact. But your job (might want to think about using a comma rather than period after fact. Awkward to start a sentence with 'but'.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for your thoughtful and concise review. I went in and made the edits you suggested. I've struggled with 'yea' versus 'yeah' for a while now. I finally looked it up and assured myself to use the correct one - 'yeah.'

I do appreciate your assistance and critique,

~patty~

Comment from XGoneX

Exceptional

Wow,
This was a lovely way of meeting for the first time and then of getting along while the attraction keeps growing. I think may readers will be carried way and will want to know more. Great dialogue and I could hear them smiling. Sadly things will turn sour, but it's good for the plot.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for continuing to read along with the book as it currently exists. I appreciate your comments and I only hope I can keep everything as fresh as it needs to be to continue to be interesting,

~patty~

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

I am so glad I got to finally read this all the way through - the first chapter. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. You are very good with wording and dialogue. Maybe one day I will get better like this. I enjoyed it very much! Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017

Hi Teri; thank you so much for reading along - and trying to find all the pieces!! I do appreciate your kind words and praise. The only thing I can tell you is to continue to work, write, and study. You will be able to write dialogue and find the wording to fit your stories,

~patty~

Comment from MelB

Excellent

This continues to be a well written and sweet story. What a nice gift with the plaque. I like the line about it being from a boy giving something to the first girl he knew.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017

Hi Mel; thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm glad you are enjoying the story line,

~patty~

Comment from Sankey

Excellent

Loved this, so glad I came back to it. Looks like you put all these on close to each other. I know Tom does not allow more than a couple of posts each day. Lo0oking forward to more.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017

thank you for the lovely review,

~patty~

Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)

Excellent

Thank you, Ron. But, I don't have anything to give you, and my work doesn't really allow me to make anything."
"Yea, but you could go out with me."
She dropped her head, and raised it slowly. Her deep brown eyes were hooded by the length of her lashes. A slow smile came to her lips, "I never thought you'd ask."
So sweet, touching and moving. I adored this you are such a talented writer, well done on Story of the Month love Meia xx

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017

Hi Meia; thank you so much for the Congratulations - in all honesty, I was just thankful to be nominated. I haven't won any of the CEC sponsored contests.

I'm glad you enjoyed this portion of Jenny and Ron's story,

~patty~

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

The innocent and the guilty? :P

I like this line: It was offered in the way a small boy gave something to the first girl he knew. (And then the following part).

:D

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I'm glad you enjoyed this part of the story,

~patty~

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That was so sweet, really a cute, romantic story. I just noticed the story goes back even further I'll have to find it. I have to find out how this date goes first. Well done, a very engaging story. :) Sandra

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017

Hi Sandra; thank you for reading and reviewing. I just went and put the chapters together in a book called Jenny and Ron - hoping to make it easier for people to find the pieces.

~patty~