The Products of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "When her water broke"...the story of Jenny and Ron
60 total reviews
Comment from doggymad
I take my hat off to this brave lady. It is the hardest thing in the world to go through pregnancy and birth, especially knowing that you will not get to keep it.
The story conveys much of this without seeking sympathy. You have done justice to your friend in this work
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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I take my hat off to this brave lady. It is the hardest thing in the world to go through pregnancy and birth, especially knowing that you will not get to keep it.
The story conveys much of this without seeking sympathy. You have done justice to your friend in this work
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from miajaffri
I could feel the emotion in this story. How hard it must be to have to give up a baby but it sounds like Jenny thought it through and found good parents.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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I could feel the emotion in this story. How hard it must be to have to give up a baby but it sounds like Jenny thought it through and found good parents.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from dweigt
Wonderful story! You provide enough details to bring us next to Jenny as the story progresses. I especially liked the very last line -- "No," Jenny smiled through her tears, "give him to his mother."
A few things you might look at:
Rita answered the phone in askance -- This doesn't sound right. Askance is a modifier, an adverb, not a state you can be in.
when they heard and understood that the baby was being put up for adoption -- instead of "heard and understood", would "learned" be simpler? This is also one of those places you could show us the reaction of the staff, rather than tell us about it.
Jenny was thankful to see the nurse she had taken the Lamaze classes from. -- Maybe mention Nell's name here? -- Jenny was thankful to see Nell, the nurse who had taught Jenny's Lamaze class. -- I also reworded it slightly to avoid ending the sentence with a preposition. I know some people frown on that, but when I tried looking up the rule against it, there doesn't seem to be one. And sometimes avoiding it makes your sentences sound like something Yoda from Star Wars would say. ;-)
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Wonderful story! You provide enough details to bring us next to Jenny as the story progresses. I especially liked the very last line -- "No," Jenny smiled through her tears, "give him to his mother."
A few things you might look at:
Rita answered the phone in askance -- This doesn't sound right. Askance is a modifier, an adverb, not a state you can be in.
when they heard and understood that the baby was being put up for adoption -- instead of "heard and understood", would "learned" be simpler? This is also one of those places you could show us the reaction of the staff, rather than tell us about it.
Jenny was thankful to see the nurse she had taken the Lamaze classes from. -- Maybe mention Nell's name here? -- Jenny was thankful to see Nell, the nurse who had taught Jenny's Lamaze class. -- I also reworded it slightly to avoid ending the sentence with a preposition. I know some people frown on that, but when I tried looking up the rule against it, there doesn't seem to be one. And sometimes avoiding it makes your sentences sound like something Yoda from Star Wars would say. ;-)
Keep writing!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review, and thank you so much for your suggested edits
~patty~
Comment from XGoneX
Hi.
I always had issues during pregnancy and babies were always born way before due date, but I could always take the pain very well. During my youngest son birth, I spent the day in labour shopping and then went home ironing. I didn't even have the hospital bag ready. Then the pressure of the contractions ripped open my previous c section scar. I vomited and the pain was awful. I couldn't eve move.
Jenny was very strong. It's not an easy situation and decision. Well written.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Hi.
I always had issues during pregnancy and babies were always born way before due date, but I could always take the pain very well. During my youngest son birth, I spent the day in labour shopping and then went home ironing. I didn't even have the hospital bag ready. Then the pressure of the contractions ripped open my previous c section scar. I vomited and the pain was awful. I couldn't eve move.
Jenny was very strong. It's not an easy situation and decision. Well written.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from Hayley Solomon
Vey well written, I found it sad but interesting. I hope your friend led a very good and happy life without too many regrets. I am relieved society has progressed a little from then - at least I hope so!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Vey well written, I found it sad but interesting. I hope your friend led a very good and happy life without too many regrets. I am relieved society has progressed a little from then - at least I hope so!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from rjuselius
aaaww, such a sweetheart piece of prose dear patty! i love the whole story, the ending is delightful. an unwanted pregnancy to wanting new parents. lovely.
thank you for sharing!
blessings and a big squeeze!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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aaaww, such a sweetheart piece of prose dear patty! i love the whole story, the ending is delightful. an unwanted pregnancy to wanting new parents. lovely.
thank you for sharing!
blessings and a big squeeze!
rebekka x
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about the events (story, here of memories) following broke of water; all medical processes and procedures followed thereafter; in thirty minutes of pushing the baby came out; Jenny was happy to get a baby boy; I liked.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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This speaks about the events (story, here of memories) following broke of water; all medical processes and procedures followed thereafter; in thirty minutes of pushing the baby came out; Jenny was happy to get a baby boy; I liked.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you
Comment from oliver818
Great story, I really enjoyed it. The characters are very vividly described, and the topic is sad and powerful yet beautiful. Thanks for sharing and have a really great day
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Great story, I really enjoyed it. The characters are very vividly described, and the topic is sad and powerful yet beautiful. Thanks for sharing and have a really great day
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from Cycler
Well said. I liked the commentary mood with this story. I also like the aspect of the new parents being with the woman delivering the baby. Thanks for writing this true story as best you could. It is very positive and well written.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Well said. I liked the commentary mood with this story. I also like the aspect of the new parents being with the woman delivering the baby. Thanks for writing this true story as best you could. It is very positive and well written.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from kriver
Hi Patty,
How's your son doing?
The write was
interesting to me
Because I have never
had the privilege
of actually being a dad
I was kind of surprised the
adoptive Dad wasn't
allowed to be there too.
I now I would have
insisted on it
forget modesty
It is a one chance
opportunity
ii is too important
of a moment
not to be there
I was also surprised that
the water breaking didn't
meant that the baby was
coming right away but it
sounded like she still had
lots of time to get to the hospital
Best regards,
Kriver
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Hi Patty,
How's your son doing?
The write was
interesting to me
Because I have never
had the privilege
of actually being a dad
I was kind of surprised the
adoptive Dad wasn't
allowed to be there too.
I now I would have
insisted on it
forget modesty
It is a one chance
opportunity
ii is too important
of a moment
not to be there
I was also surprised that
the water breaking didn't
meant that the baby was
coming right away but it
sounded like she still had
lots of time to get to the hospital
Best regards,
Kriver
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
-
thank you so much for the lovely review, and my son is doing okay - still struggling
~patty~
