The Products of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "When her water broke"...the story of Jenny and Ron
60 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, that was so nice, but so sad too. It took me back to when I was in labour with my sons. The first moment I laid eyes on them, nothing can compare. Poor Jenny, I feel so sorry for her. Another well written part! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Aww, that was so nice, but so sad too. It took me back to when I was in labour with my sons. The first moment I laid eyes on them, nothing can compare. Poor Jenny, I feel so sorry for her. Another well written part! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Hi Sandra; thank you so much for reading this part of the story. I think the scene in the delivery room was one of the most poignant moments of the entire event. I wasn't in the delivery room with the two of them, but Rita relayed it to me as we waited for the baby to be ready to be held.
~patty~
Comment from Ricky1024
Babies come and babies go.
This was well written.
You could sense the anticipation build
Theme and Imagery was wonderfully presented.
Flows well, read well with no Grammar errors.
Dr. Ricky 1024. Nicely penned.
Birthing Process.
Life.
New Life.
Broken relationship...
No man no wife...
Complete Synopsis.
Great!
Dr. Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Babies come and babies go.
This was well written.
You could sense the anticipation build
Theme and Imagery was wonderfully presented.
Flows well, read well with no Grammar errors.
Dr. Ricky 1024. Nicely penned.
Birthing Process.
Life.
New Life.
Broken relationship...
No man no wife...
Complete Synopsis.
Great!
Dr. Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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thank you so much for your lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from EverInParadise
I believe you are working on this story with an eager intention to tell it well. Because of some of your extended descriptions and sentence structure inhibit the action. An example, "a few hours ago". The point is, she ordered and ate pizza. This action doesn't support the story and is not mentioned again. These are the "tell" that weaken the writing. You have a really important story to give. Let the reader imply some of it. They will. Think about the purpose of your story and write about that without the superlative stuff. Above all keep writing and learning.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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I believe you are working on this story with an eager intention to tell it well. Because of some of your extended descriptions and sentence structure inhibit the action. An example, "a few hours ago". The point is, she ordered and ate pizza. This action doesn't support the story and is not mentioned again. These are the "tell" that weaken the writing. You have a really important story to give. Let the reader imply some of it. They will. Think about the purpose of your story and write about that without the superlative stuff. Above all keep writing and learning.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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thank you for your thoughtful review,
~patty~
Comment from Auto-Manic
That was depressing. But I guess it's happens every day. I actually delivered my son, caught him squirting out, and boy was he pissed off. Cut the cord, and delivered the placenta. Grew a rose bush on top of it. In comparison, this was pretty depressing.
AM
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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That was depressing. But I guess it's happens every day. I actually delivered my son, caught him squirting out, and boy was he pissed off. Cut the cord, and delivered the placenta. Grew a rose bush on top of it. In comparison, this was pretty depressing.
AM
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2017
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Hi there; yes...giving up a baby is depressing, but for Jenny, it was the best thing she could do. Yes, she could have kept the baby and taken Ron to court to collect child-support, but that would have led to even more headaches. She gave an incredible gift to a couple who couldn't have children of their own, and she went on to be a remarkable woman.
Sorry the story depressed you,
~patty~
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Just the context Patty. Nothing to say about the story, which was great, just the context.
Comment from Teri7
Patty, This story took me back to when I was in labor with my sons. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with your words. You are very good at writing stories! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Patty, This story took me back to when I was in labor with my sons. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with your words. You are very good at writing stories! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 07-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Hi Teri; thank you so much for the wonderful review of this piece. I appreciate your words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from JW
It must have been hard to give away a newborn child. If I was a female, I'm not sure I could do it even with the understanding it would be best for it.
Thanks for sharing this story, Patty. JW
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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It must have been hard to give away a newborn child. If I was a female, I'm not sure I could do it even with the understanding it would be best for it.
Thanks for sharing this story, Patty. JW
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from jusylee72
Very truthful loving story. The couple wanted the baby so much and this gift was amazing. I am sure there were many sleepless nights deciding how to do this. I sometimes don't hate the telling of a story with the wases (as I call them ) and the other verbs. I do think this could use more of the showing. I sometimes go back and just see how I could change the sentences with was in them and sometimes that really helps. Enjoyed the story and admire the people in the story.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Very truthful loving story. The couple wanted the baby so much and this gift was amazing. I am sure there were many sleepless nights deciding how to do this. I sometimes don't hate the telling of a story with the wases (as I call them ) and the other verbs. I do think this could use more of the showing. I sometimes go back and just see how I could change the sentences with was in them and sometimes that really helps. Enjoyed the story and admire the people in the story.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the lovely review and the suggestion about the 'was.' I will work on that,
~patty~
Comment from crich
I'd say you did it justice. This is easily a heroic story - from the point of view of the birth parents. I have several friends who were adopted and are very grateful they were allowed to be raised by people who truly wanted them. I'm sure there were some hard choices made before this scene took place! Nice read, tough subject. Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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I'd say you did it justice. This is easily a heroic story - from the point of view of the birth parents. I have several friends who were adopted and are very grateful they were allowed to be raised by people who truly wanted them. I'm sure there were some hard choices made before this scene took place! Nice read, tough subject. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from Cybertron1986
A beautifully presented story. Your character development of Jenny flowed nicely in the beginning that it almost had me crying realizing she was a single mother, who had to ask her neighbors for assistance rather than the biological father.
Heartbreaking ending of one's personal observations regarding the birth of a child, who may never be held by the paternal mother. Very tough to experience, and your writing style delivered it effectively.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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A beautifully presented story. Your character development of Jenny flowed nicely in the beginning that it almost had me crying realizing she was a single mother, who had to ask her neighbors for assistance rather than the biological father.
Heartbreaking ending of one's personal observations regarding the birth of a child, who may never be held by the paternal mother. Very tough to experience, and your writing style delivered it effectively.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review,
~patty~
Comment from Fridayauthor
Nicely written. It captures the resolve of the woman very well. An enjoyable read.
As it was already arranged for Rita to be in the delivery room, Jenny asking for a ride to the hospital didn't sound right to me. Might she not just say, "This is Jenny. It's...it's time.
Perhaps...Instead of...
She had a bag packed in her bedroom and she waddled to the bedroom to grab it.
She had a bag packed in her bedroom and she waddled in to grab it. (So as not to repeat "bedroom" twice in the same sentence.)
"She didn't think she could hand over a daughter to someone else."
This statement seemed too severe given she had already agreed to do so. How about...
It would be so much more difficult to hand over a daughter to someone else.
Thank you
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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Nicely written. It captures the resolve of the woman very well. An enjoyable read.
As it was already arranged for Rita to be in the delivery room, Jenny asking for a ride to the hospital didn't sound right to me. Might she not just say, "This is Jenny. It's...it's time.
Perhaps...Instead of...
She had a bag packed in her bedroom and she waddled to the bedroom to grab it.
She had a bag packed in her bedroom and she waddled in to grab it. (So as not to repeat "bedroom" twice in the same sentence.)
"She didn't think she could hand over a daughter to someone else."
This statement seemed too severe given she had already agreed to do so. How about...
It would be so much more difficult to hand over a daughter to someone else.
Thank you
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review, and I appreciate your suggestions - I've made a few adjustments,
~patty~
