Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

This is brilliant for the contest, Patty - so well thoughtout and presented
He sounds rather lonely in the circumstances - perhaps the boy turning up
will be the answer for him.

Notice you've started with "He" a lot in the first para -- perhaps you'd consider - 3rd sentence.
Since he wasn't married, he only had himself to worry about.

through the tinny speaker - did you mean tiny - or am I misunderstanding?

just in case this ever[y] happened. - ever

Good luck with the contest, my friend.


Margaret

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

Hi there; thank you so much for catching those nits. I was working on the rewording of the first paragraph right before I read your review - another reviewer had pointed out the over use of 'he.'

I meant to use 'tinny' because the speakers in the old answering machines have poor quality.

~patty~

reply by Margaret Snowdon on 29-Jun-2017

Ah, I wondered about that - tinny.
Good luck!!

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Nice work on this story, Patty. I enjoyed it and thought your writing was very clean. My only critique is to check out the first paragraph. you start out many sentences with he. Maybe, a little more variety. Best of luck in the contest.

Take care,
Russell

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 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

Hi Russell; thank you so much for the thoughtful review. I will go back and rework that paragraph - that seems to be something I do at the beginning of stories.

I appreciate your wishes for good luck. Fingers crossed!

~patty~