Grammy's Memoirs 2018
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Hole in his heart"Bits and pieces of my life for my grandchildren
52 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
You don't mention what called the hole in his heart. I was born with four holes in my heart. For three years I took penicillin every day. The doctors can't operate because the holes are too difficult to get to. They greatly reduce my blood flow, but there is nothing that can be done.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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You don't mention what called the hole in his heart. I was born with four holes in my heart. For three years I took penicillin every day. The doctors can't operate because the holes are too difficult to get to. They greatly reduce my blood flow, but there is nothing that can be done.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Thomas; the hole in his heart is a metaphor for the pain and change he went through during and after this ordeal. My brother has never been the same.
I'm so sorry to hear about your heart. Hopefully, modern medicine will come up with something,
~patty~
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This must have been hard for you to write, Patty - I can understand how the tragedy would change people - it makes one question so many things - and, as you say, we all deal with loss in different ways. No parent expects to out live their children.
A few things you might care to take a look at - I've read this carefully, and have made suggestions, but of course, ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
John and Noreen stayed until the bus pulled off into the darkness. John and MAUREEN
Whose hurt?" - Who's hurt?
Hours passed while they sat in his room. - Here, Patty, you say they are in his room..... and then:
A lady with a clipboard came into the WAITING ROOM and asked for John and Maureen.
Tears streamed down [his] (John's) face as the hole expanded to the size of a dime. - this needs to be John's face
The hole continued to grow as they made the arrangements to get [his] (Darrell's) body back to their hometown. - and this needs to be Darrell's body.
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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This must have been hard for you to write, Patty - I can understand how the tragedy would change people - it makes one question so many things - and, as you say, we all deal with loss in different ways. No parent expects to out live their children.
A few things you might care to take a look at - I've read this carefully, and have made suggestions, but of course, ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
John and Noreen stayed until the bus pulled off into the darkness. John and MAUREEN
Whose hurt?" - Who's hurt?
Hours passed while they sat in his room. - Here, Patty, you say they are in his room..... and then:
A lady with a clipboard came into the WAITING ROOM and asked for John and Maureen.
Tears streamed down [his] (John's) face as the hole expanded to the size of a dime. - this needs to be John's face
The hole continued to grow as they made the arrangements to get [his] (Darrell's) body back to their hometown. - and this needs to be Darrell's body.
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Margaret; thank you for your time to read and the thorough critique. I went back and made the edits you suggested; they really tighten up the story.
Your kind words are greatly appreciated,
~patty~
Comment from bhogg
Hi Patty - such a strong post. I've had some bad things happen to me in life, but I can't imagine dealing with the death of a child. I did not see anything that needed to be revisited. A well written and powerful story. Bill
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Patty - such a strong post. I've had some bad things happen to me in life, but I can't imagine dealing with the death of a child. I did not see anything that needed to be revisited. A well written and powerful story. Bill
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Bill; thank you for reading and reviewing this piece. It was a tough write, but a story I needed to put together for my memoirs. It explains a great deal about my paranoia in raising my own kids and how I think about the grandchildren.
Your kind words of encouragement are greatly appreciated,
~patty~
Comment from patcelaw
What as tragic story about a life so young being taken through an accident. I cannot imagine the pain of the family.
In you opening you used the word effected, it should be affected
Patricia
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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What as tragic story about a life so young being taken through an accident. I cannot imagine the pain of the family.
In you opening you used the word effected, it should be affected
Patricia
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Patricia; thank you for this thoughtful review of this piece of my story. Thank you for catching the nit - I went back and did the edit,
~patty~
Comment from Ann Philips
First I appreciate and admire your efforts to record the memories and events of your family to provide a history for your grandchildren and theirs. It's such a important task that is so seldom attempted. Next, as a mother and grandmother these events are beyond horrifying. It is cliche to say they are every family's worst nightmare. But cliche's are born of truth. You have told the story of this moment of family tragedy poignantly, witnessed by my tears as I write this.
I wish you the best in this endeavor. This is obviously a role, sometimes painful in the rendering, that was obviously meant for you.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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First I appreciate and admire your efforts to record the memories and events of your family to provide a history for your grandchildren and theirs. It's such a important task that is so seldom attempted. Next, as a mother and grandmother these events are beyond horrifying. It is cliche to say they are every family's worst nightmare. But cliche's are born of truth. You have told the story of this moment of family tragedy poignantly, witnessed by my tears as I write this.
I wish you the best in this endeavor. This is obviously a role, sometimes painful in the rendering, that was obviously meant for you.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Ann; thank you for such a thorough and thoughtful review. I appreciate your comments about me having the role of the family orator, it is one I embrace.
My family went through a lot, but I think Darrell's death taught us that absolutely nothing else came close to this pain,
~patty~
Comment from smerryman3
Amazing story. Accidents like these are so sudden and life changing, I can only imagine what your brother's family went through. Well written and very moving account.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Amazing story. Accidents like these are so sudden and life changing, I can only imagine what your brother's family went through. Well written and very moving account.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi; thank you for the thoughtful and lovely review of my latest memoir. I appreciate your kind words,
~patty~
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartbreaking story. As a parent, we do not know before the time that we put our children in harm's way and will never stop blaming ourselves for the tragedy when something happens to them.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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A very well-written heartbreaking story. As a parent, we do not know before the time that we put our children in harm's way and will never stop blaming ourselves for the tragedy when something happens to them.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Sandra; thank you so much for the thoughtful review of this piece,
~patty~
Comment from apky
I like the way you acommodate the fact that your brother had to find his own way back to normalcy. We all tend to have different ways of working through out emotional hurt. And I can understand how this could affect someone:
After a few years of sobriety while Darrell was alive, he started drinking again. He still talks about Darrell and wonders what kind of a man he would be today. He is a broken man with a huge hole in his heart.
Let's hope he mands before he destroys his health.
Bless,
Aki
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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I like the way you acommodate the fact that your brother had to find his own way back to normalcy. We all tend to have different ways of working through out emotional hurt. And I can understand how this could affect someone:
After a few years of sobriety while Darrell was alive, he started drinking again. He still talks about Darrell and wonders what kind of a man he would be today. He is a broken man with a huge hole in his heart.
Let's hope he mands before he destroys his health.
Bless,
Aki
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Aki; thank you for the thoughtful review of this biographical piece. I think my brother is dealing with things better; he is remarried and living in Georgia. His drinking is limited to 'light beer,' and other than some reckless habits - like driving without a license, he is doing much better.
I am more worried about his spiritual loss at this time.
~patty~
Comment from Halfree
Well done and handled with loving care...Like most people I do not have an answer as to why. This story was told in a straight forward caring voice. Very moving. What more can de said. The last paragraph of the story was a clencher, the hole in the heart...beautifully said and so true.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Well done and handled with loving care...Like most people I do not have an answer as to why. This story was told in a straight forward caring voice. Very moving. What more can de said. The last paragraph of the story was a clencher, the hole in the heart...beautifully said and so true.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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thank you so much for this lovely review and your words of comfort and encouragement. I appreciate your comments.
~patty~
Comment from pbomar1115
Although John and Maureen were married, Darrell's deaf could not keep them together. It is a sad story when couples relationship is held together for the kids and not by their love. Many couples, I hear, divorce after the kids grow up and leave home. In this case, I got the impression Maxwell emotional issue is like what I just detailed.
Phillip
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Although John and Maureen were married, Darrell's deaf could not keep them together. It is a sad story when couples relationship is held together for the kids and not by their love. Many couples, I hear, divorce after the kids grow up and leave home. In this case, I got the impression Maxwell emotional issue is like what I just detailed.
Phillip
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Phillip; yes, it was sad to see a twenty year marriage completely dissolved by the events of that December day. I believe there were rips in the fabric of the marriage before it all happened, but I always felt the incident should have brought them closer together.
Thank you for reading and reviewing and for the SHINING sixth star,
~patty~
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You're welcome.
Phillip
