Grammy's Memoirs 2018
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Hole in his heart"Bits and pieces of my life for my grandchildren
52 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
thank you for sharing as I know it will help someone else that needs to hear the story. It is excellently written , no problems noted but a wonderful piece of writing.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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thank you for sharing as I know it will help someone else that needs to hear the story. It is excellently written , no problems noted but a wonderful piece of writing.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Barb; thank you so much for your time to read and review. This was a good write for me because it helped me to process the rest of my grief and come to terms with my brother's reactions,
~patty~
Comment from royowen
Tragedy can strike us, anytime, anyplace, and your poor brother had his fair share of trouble, many times the marriage can be be affected by tragedy, but is God to blame? I really don't know the answer, but I know where else can we go? Well done, Patty, thanks for sharing, skilfully scribed, blessings, Roy
Typo : right leng (of) his son. For?
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Tragedy can strike us, anytime, anyplace, and your poor brother had his fair share of trouble, many times the marriage can be be affected by tragedy, but is God to blame? I really don't know the answer, but I know where else can we go? Well done, Patty, thanks for sharing, skilfully scribed, blessings, Roy
Typo : right leng (of) his son. For?
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Roy; thank you so much for catching the nit - I went and fixed it.
I'm not sure why my brother chose to blame God - maybe because he simply doesn't know any better. We weren't exactly brought up with any real religion - we were non-practicing Catholics.
Thank you for your thoughtful and kind review,
~patty~
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Most welcome
Comment from lyenochka
This is really well told, Patty! I'm so sorry that your brother and sister-in-law had to go through such a horrific loss. No parent fully recovers and it can affect their marriage, too. I like the focus on the hole in his heart. God's heart grieved, too.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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This is really well told, Patty! I'm so sorry that your brother and sister-in-law had to go through such a horrific loss. No parent fully recovers and it can affect their marriage, too. I like the focus on the hole in his heart. God's heart grieved, too.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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thank you for your kind words and thoughtful review of this piece. I think in writing this, I've finally been able to deal with some of my grief, and focus more prayers on my brother,
~patty~
Comment from Heather Knight
You have told your story so well... I have no words. The material was, of course, excellent.
How very sad! I do feel for your brother and for Darrell. He must have been a great little guy.
Thanks for sharing this moving story.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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You have told your story so well... I have no words. The material was, of course, excellent.
How very sad! I do feel for your brother and for Darrell. He must have been a great little guy.
Thanks for sharing this moving story.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Maria; thank you so much for this positive review of a very difficult piece. I wrote this through a veil of tears as I recalled what my brother went through back then,
~patty~
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Yeah, losing a child must be a horrible experience. I can't even bear to think about it...
Comment from doggymad
My goodness Patty this is truly heart breaking. It is every parents nightmare.
It is never right for a child to die before a parent and I can only imagine the self recrimination that resulted. My heart goes out to you all
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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My goodness Patty this is truly heart breaking. It is every parents nightmare.
It is never right for a child to die before a parent and I can only imagine the self recrimination that resulted. My heart goes out to you all
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Freda; this was indeed a heartbreaking situation for my brother, his wife, and my nephew. It still feels like a horrible dream that none of us ever woke up from.
Thank you for reading and reviewing,
~patty~
Comment from JDRBAR
Time does nothing to ease the pain one feels in reliving the death of a loved one; especially a child. Your recount has me at the brink of tears. Excellently written, with no noticeable errors.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Time does nothing to ease the pain one feels in reliving the death of a loved one; especially a child. Your recount has me at the brink of tears. Excellently written, with no noticeable errors.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind review of this piece. It was hard to write and relive that time, but it needed to be included in the book.
I appreciate you awarding this piece a six star rating,
~patty~
Comment from His Grayness
Certainly, this is an enormously painful story by any consideration. The story is well written with strong grip from the first paragraph all the way through. The circumstances of the story were delivered in a way that the reader could feel themselves being right there with the actual situation. It cannot get better than that! HIS GRAYNESS, with sincere thanks to this author for a compelling story! Vance
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Certainly, this is an enormously painful story by any consideration. The story is well written with strong grip from the first paragraph all the way through. The circumstances of the story were delivered in a way that the reader could feel themselves being right there with the actual situation. It cannot get better than that! HIS GRAYNESS, with sincere thanks to this author for a compelling story! Vance
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Vance; thank you so much for the lovely and thoughtful review. I'm glad you felt it was well written and worthy of a six star rating.
~patty~
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Sure was! as most always the case with your lovely works! Blessings: Vance
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a sad story Patty. John is handling the pain the only way he knows how. He does have a hole in his heart. It will never heal. Losing a child is unthinkable, we all cringe at the thought, but it happens and only God Knows why. Sorry for the loss. Nancy
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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This is a sad story Patty. John is handling the pain the only way he knows how. He does have a hole in his heart. It will never heal. Losing a child is unthinkable, we all cringe at the thought, but it happens and only God Knows why. Sorry for the loss. Nancy
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much for reading, Nancy. I appreciate your thoughts. This was a hard chapter in our lives, and I'm sure no one has gotten over the loss.
~patty~
Comment from dweigt
Great work! Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us.
The story flows naturally, and the dialogue is believable. The omniscient viewpoint works well here, and you use it gracefully.
A few minor suggestions for your consideration:
"Look Mom. There's only two more days. I can't wait! Thank you so much for letting me go," he looked up at his mother with love. -- Not really a dialogue tag, so I think you should punctuate more like this -- "Look Mom. There's only two more days. I can't wait! Thank you so much for letting me go." He looked up at his mother with love.
The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon. -- peek over the horizon.
When you describe the phone call, I would have liked to have known it was a woman's voice on the phone. Probably sexist, but I assumed it was a man at first.
"What kind of accident? Whose hurt?" -- Pretty sure this should be "Who's hurt?" as a contraction for "Who is hurt?"
When the doctor came out to see them after the surgery -- If this is still Doctor Nelson, maybe use her name here.
Tears streamed down his face as the hole expanded to the size of a dime. -- Use "John's face" rather than "his face", to eliminate any confusion.
Great stuff! Keep Writing!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Great work! Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us.
The story flows naturally, and the dialogue is believable. The omniscient viewpoint works well here, and you use it gracefully.
A few minor suggestions for your consideration:
"Look Mom. There's only two more days. I can't wait! Thank you so much for letting me go," he looked up at his mother with love. -- Not really a dialogue tag, so I think you should punctuate more like this -- "Look Mom. There's only two more days. I can't wait! Thank you so much for letting me go." He looked up at his mother with love.
The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon. -- peek over the horizon.
When you describe the phone call, I would have liked to have known it was a woman's voice on the phone. Probably sexist, but I assumed it was a man at first.
"What kind of accident? Whose hurt?" -- Pretty sure this should be "Who's hurt?" as a contraction for "Who is hurt?"
When the doctor came out to see them after the surgery -- If this is still Doctor Nelson, maybe use her name here.
Tears streamed down his face as the hole expanded to the size of a dime. -- Use "John's face" rather than "his face", to eliminate any confusion.
Great stuff! Keep Writing!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi there; thank you so much for your thoughtful and concise review. I went in and made the edits you suggested. I feel so blessed to have folks like you help me keep the writing tight and concise.
Your words of encouragement are greatly appreciated,
~patty~
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Patty,
I am so saddened by this retelling of the tragedy. Please accept my belated condolences. You did a great job with a difficult subject. One never knows when their time will be up. That's why so many believe live for today. It is great that the family had discussed organ donation prior to this.
[We called my mother's mother--my grandmother Grammy--love it]. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Patty,
I am so saddened by this retelling of the tragedy. Please accept my belated condolences. You did a great job with a difficult subject. One never knows when their time will be up. That's why so many believe live for today. It is great that the family had discussed organ donation prior to this.
[We called my mother's mother--my grandmother Grammy--love it]. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi Jan; thank you so much for this thoughtful review. After the growing up we experienced, I thought the worst that could happen had been visited on us; my brother went through this tragedy and changed forever. It had a great affect on me and my sister, too.
I appreciate your condolences, and your special note about my name of 'Grammy.'
~patty~
