Lost in the Rockies
a story about the Mormon pioneers18 total reviews
Comment from smbau
I like the picture which matches to the content of the story. The story is set during the immigration into American period and Mormon converts. The setting adds value to the characters believes, actions and thoughts. Plot of story is centered around Mormon most deadly immigration to America, the author does well to describe the characters of the story. The conflict in the story appears to be the struggles the Mormon converts experienced. The story did not appear to reach its climax, nor was the conflict resolved. It appears like the author has more to add to this piece of the story. Leaves the reader in suspense in regards to what happens to Anna after her husband's death. Gave a four for a writing that is really a five star because I struggled with flow of content eg. I could not make out if it is Hans, Greta or Papa speaking in the third stanza. Liked the author's note, helped in the understanding of circumstances described.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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I like the picture which matches to the content of the story. The story is set during the immigration into American period and Mormon converts. The setting adds value to the characters believes, actions and thoughts. Plot of story is centered around Mormon most deadly immigration to America, the author does well to describe the characters of the story. The conflict in the story appears to be the struggles the Mormon converts experienced. The story did not appear to reach its climax, nor was the conflict resolved. It appears like the author has more to add to this piece of the story. Leaves the reader in suspense in regards to what happens to Anna after her husband's death. Gave a four for a writing that is really a five star because I struggled with flow of content eg. I could not make out if it is Hans, Greta or Papa speaking in the third stanza. Liked the author's note, helped in the understanding of circumstances described.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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I truly appreciate your taking the time to read my story and comment upon it. I wish the prompt had given me more words to work, and I agree Anna's conflict seems unresolved. In the third major paragraph, Anna is responding to Greta.
I may rewrite this someday as a chapter in a novella. Rod.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Handcarts? That's all they had? Walking all that way? Why did they even try? They knew they would not arrive before winter weater struck. I guess faith can make people do just about anything.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Handcarts? That's all they had? Walking all that way? Why did they even try? They knew they would not arrive before winter weater struck. I guess faith can make people do just about anything.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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These Mormons were much different from those who followed Brigham Young to Utah ten years earlier. They had little but their faith and desire to find a new home. Thanks for sharing my story, Phyllis.
Rod
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on this story. I enjoyed your descriptive work in the piece and you set a good tone. A tragic tale, but also one overcoming adversity. Great work!
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Nice work on this story. I enjoyed your descriptive work in the piece and you set a good tone. A tragic tale, but also one overcoming adversity. Great work!
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 30-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Russell, for sharing my pioneer story. I am delighted you enjoyed it and appreciate your kind praise. Rod
Comment from c_lucas
Tragedy, a constant companion
For pioneers heading West
Even with Will Power and Fortitude
Some failed the test
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a sad read. Sometimes Nature holds the winning hand.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Tragedy, a constant companion
For pioneers heading West
Even with Will Power and Fortitude
Some failed the test
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a sad read. Sometimes Nature holds the winning hand.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Yes, the pioneers did not have an easy time getting to their destination. Thanks so much for sharing my story and your kind praise. Rod
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You're welcome, Rod. Charlie
Comment from Auto-Manic
Very interesting. Nice take on what happened from their perspective and the intertwining of it all. Great history lesson. I suppose that gives meaning to onward Christian soldiers. Amazing what the spirit can endure.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Very interesting. Nice take on what happened from their perspective and the intertwining of it all. Great history lesson. I suppose that gives meaning to onward Christian soldiers. Amazing what the spirit can endure.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Thank you for sharing my pioneer story. I am delighted your found it both enjoyable and informative. Rod
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Rod
= Sad, yet a feel good story, too.
= Wonderful entry for the prompt.
= Good luck in the contest.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Hi, Rod
= Sad, yet a feel good story, too.
= Wonderful entry for the prompt.
= Good luck in the contest.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Jax, for sharing my story and your kind praise. It did well in the contest. Rod
Comment from Mustang Patty
Your flash fiction tells a complete and compelling story. The history of the Mormon church isn't widely known outside of the religion. I think you did a good job of relating the history in this story.
A few nits: 'Anna and Hans Mueller were newly-weds in Heidelberg(+,) when they read The Book of Mormon(+,) the Church of Latter Day Saints recruiters (missionaries)had given them.' (You may want to reword the sentence to something like; ...whenthey read The Book of Mormon, the missionaries from the Church of Latter Day Saints had given them.)
There are other sentences in the piece where your use of commas needs to be reviewed.
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Your flash fiction tells a complete and compelling story. The history of the Mormon church isn't widely known outside of the religion. I think you did a good job of relating the history in this story.
A few nits: 'Anna and Hans Mueller were newly-weds in Heidelberg(+,) when they read The Book of Mormon(+,) the Church of Latter Day Saints recruiters (missionaries)had given them.' (You may want to reword the sentence to something like; ...whenthey read The Book of Mormon, the missionaries from the Church of Latter Day Saints had given them.)
There are other sentences in the piece where your use of commas needs to be reviewed.
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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I am delighted you enjoyed my short story about the Mormons, patty, and appreciate your kind praise. However, you are telling a former English teacher how to use commas, and none are needed in that sentence. Rod
Comment from apky
Thank you for providing me with an enjoyable story as well as some history that I might never have come across otherwise.
All my life, history, especiall the hitory of human immigration is one of my favourite subjects. I remember reading or stumbling the name Brigham Young countless times, but I never attached any importance to it - just read like I do most names that seem to important for Americans.
Thanks for widening my horizon about Americans.
Apky
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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Thank you for providing me with an enjoyable story as well as some history that I might never have come across otherwise.
All my life, history, especiall the hitory of human immigration is one of my favourite subjects. I remember reading or stumbling the name Brigham Young countless times, but I never attached any importance to it - just read like I do most names that seem to important for Americans.
Thanks for widening my horizon about Americans.
Apky
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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I am delighted you enjoyed my pioneer tale and found it informative as well as entertaining. Rod
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A new beginning thwarted by disasterous weather and the struggle to start a new civilisation, I know little of this history, so your write was informative and interesting, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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A new beginning thwarted by disasterous weather and the struggle to start a new civilisation, I know little of this history, so your write was informative and interesting, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017
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I am delighted you enjoyed my story, Dolly, and found it informative, too. Rod
Comment from kathleenspalding
Very well written flash fiction kept my interest from start to finish. Informative author's notes taught me a bit of history that I was unaware of. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Very well written flash fiction kept my interest from start to finish. Informative author's notes taught me a bit of history that I was unaware of. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Thank you for sharing my story, Kathleen, and your kind praise.
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You're welcome
