Scattered Like My Thoughts
My thoughts are scattered and they're cloudy.89 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Metaphorically phenomenal, Sis Cat;
-I first took this as a haiku where all the ingredients including the KIgo (summer rains) and the satori "Tongue awaits raindrops" Seem to be all the ingredients necessary for haiku.
-Yet, this 5/7/5 syllabic format I found to be metaphorically created to where the Clouds are equally meaningful to your thoughts which are scattered and only the rain from the heat can relinquish the burning desire to once again gain control of your thoughts. Is that a little far reached?
-Good luck in the contest and take care and have a good one especially with all those that you love and care for dearly.
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Metaphorically phenomenal, Sis Cat;
-I first took this as a haiku where all the ingredients including the KIgo (summer rains) and the satori "Tongue awaits raindrops" Seem to be all the ingredients necessary for haiku.
-Yet, this 5/7/5 syllabic format I found to be metaphorically created to where the Clouds are equally meaningful to your thoughts which are scattered and only the rain from the heat can relinquish the burning desire to once again gain control of your thoughts. Is that a little far reached?
-Good luck in the contest and take care and have a good one especially with all those that you love and care for dearly.
Alex
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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No, Alex, your interpretation is not a little far fetched. When I stepped outside my door during a heatwave, I focused on these promising clouds and took a picture. I composed my poem while I walked my dog. By the time we arrived home, I completed the poem, but no rain fell on us that day. Thank you for your review and for wishing me well in the contest.
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You are very welcome,Sis Cat, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Clouds are the promise of shade or rain, hopefully both during a heatwave. But the thirsting tongue takes it one stop farther and makes the dryness real. Nicely done
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Clouds are the promise of shade or rain, hopefully both during a heatwave. But the thirsting tongue takes it one stop farther and makes the dryness real. Nicely done
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Barb, for your review. The scattered showers missed me that day during a heatwave, but I caught this poem on my tongue. Thanks.
Comment from Margaret Ford
This is an excellent simile. It amazes me that so many fresh thoughts have been written about clouds, and you have found yet another. Much has been written about the importance of the satori, but a great beginning really strengthens a brief poem. I think yours here is excellent. "Scattered like my thoughts, clouds..." really grabbed my attention. Very good work. Margaret
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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This is an excellent simile. It amazes me that so many fresh thoughts have been written about clouds, and you have found yet another. Much has been written about the importance of the satori, but a great beginning really strengthens a brief poem. I think yours here is excellent. "Scattered like my thoughts, clouds..." really grabbed my attention. Very good work. Margaret
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Margaret, for your review. I am glad you found my poem excellent.
Comment from Fridayauthor
I especially related to this as, while I'm in cool surroundings for the summer, back home in Arizona it's hitting 120 degrees!
I love the drop of rain line. We all do a lot of "awaiting."
Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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I especially related to this as, while I'm in cool surroundings for the summer, back home in Arizona it's hitting 120 degrees!
I love the drop of rain line. We all do a lot of "awaiting."
Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Yes, Fridayauthor, I bet you could use more than one drop of rain! Thank you for your generous, six star review. Please keep safe and cool.
Comment from Eternal Muse
A very original 5-7-5, dear Andre, with an angle, wit and whimsy. It should definitely impress the judges, and make a strong contender.
Good luck in the contest with this strong piece.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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A very original 5-7-5, dear Andre, with an angle, wit and whimsy. It should definitely impress the judges, and make a strong contender.
Good luck in the contest with this strong piece.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Yelena, for your encouraging review and for wishing me well in the contest.
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
This is a terrific Haiku, Andre. I love the analogy of it. Like the rain to quench the thirst of thoughts to be clear. Well done, my friend. ~Kerry
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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This is a terrific Haiku, Andre. I love the analogy of it. Like the rain to quench the thirst of thoughts to be clear. Well done, my friend. ~Kerry
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Kerry, for your review. I used a lot of haiku ideas to craft my poem and quench my thoughts.
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Your welcome, Andre:)
Comment from Pantygynt
And a shower provokes poetry, by the same token. As the clouds gather your thoughts congeal into a creative mass that bursts into a drenching rush of creativity called a poem. A summer shower is a 5-7-5 and an epic is grey day when it never stops. A great analogy.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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And a shower provokes poetry, by the same token. As the clouds gather your thoughts congeal into a creative mass that bursts into a drenching rush of creativity called a poem. A summer shower is a 5-7-5 and an epic is grey day when it never stops. A great analogy.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Yes, Pantygynt, when I stepped outside my door during a heatwave and saw these promising clouds, I took a picture and composed my poem while I walked my dog. By the time we arrived home, I completed the poem, but no rain fell on us that day. Thank you for your review.
Comment from francesca7
This is a really astute way of observing the sky and comparing it to oneself. I admire the way you hit the mark with few words. A talent I hope to acquire some day. Thanks again. Blessings to you. Namaste.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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This is a really astute way of observing the sky and comparing it to oneself. I admire the way you hit the mark with few words. A talent I hope to acquire some day. Thanks again. Blessings to you. Namaste.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, francesca7, for your cheering review. You are right--it takes much work to hit the mark with a few words.
Comment from dmt1967
I like the picture of the clouds in the sky and the thought of the scattered clouds been brainwaves. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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I like the picture of the clouds in the sky and the thought of the scattered clouds been brainwaves. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Yes, when I stepped outside my door during a heatwave and saw these promising clouds, I took a picture and composed my poem while I walked my dog. By the time we arrived home, I completed the poem, but no rain fell on us that day. Thank you for your review and for wishing me well in the contest.
Comment from Misternubcakes
LOVE IT.
Clouds are a thing of beauty and mystery.
They do scatter up above and do the dance of in coming rain but never when you want. Clouds, they do scatter in the summer heat, and in the winter's tundra. They do scatter everywhere. I appreciate your poem, it made grin. I was tap bit confused at first, when I first read it, I was lost at the ending. But then I reread it and BAM it all came to me, I imagine just staring up at the clouds and saying here I am, now rain one me. Hilarious. Nonetheless I really do enjoy the clouds, and your poem encapsulates the art and frustration of them well
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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LOVE IT.
Clouds are a thing of beauty and mystery.
They do scatter up above and do the dance of in coming rain but never when you want. Clouds, they do scatter in the summer heat, and in the winter's tundra. They do scatter everywhere. I appreciate your poem, it made grin. I was tap bit confused at first, when I first read it, I was lost at the ending. But then I reread it and BAM it all came to me, I imagine just staring up at the clouds and saying here I am, now rain one me. Hilarious. Nonetheless I really do enjoy the clouds, and your poem encapsulates the art and frustration of them well
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Misternubcakes, for your generous review of my poem on the beauty and mystery of clouds! When I stepped outside my door during a heatwave and saw these promising clouds, I took this picture and composed my poem while I walked my dog. By the time we arrived home, I completed the poem, but no rain fell on us that day. I did catch this poem on my tongue. Thanks.
