Scattered Like My Thoughts
My thoughts are scattered and they're cloudy.89 total reviews
Comment from Celtic Angel
I enjoyed how your Haiku. For me, it likens a summer heatwave to a creative dry spell. The clouds of scattered thoughts will soon conglomerate and become pregnant with inspiration. The poet waits anxiously for the ideas to develop and the words to pour forth. Thank you for sharing and quenching your readers' thirst for a great read!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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I enjoyed how your Haiku. For me, it likens a summer heatwave to a creative dry spell. The clouds of scattered thoughts will soon conglomerate and become pregnant with inspiration. The poet waits anxiously for the ideas to develop and the words to pour forth. Thank you for sharing and quenching your readers' thirst for a great read!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Yes, yes, yes, Celtic Angel. You are right about clouds conglomerating to become inspiration. When I stepped outside one morning during a heatwave to walk my dog before it got too hot, I was struck by the sight of these scattered clouds overhead with their promise of rain and relief. Not only did I focus my iPhone camera on them, but I focused my thoughts. By the time we returned from our walk, I had finished composing my poem. I am glad it quenched your thirst.
Comment from jusylee72
An excellent short poem, the comparisons truly work and I like that very much. The picture fits the description. Good luck in the contest. Always enjoy your scattered thoughts.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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An excellent short poem, the comparisons truly work and I like that very much. The picture fits the description. Good luck in the contest. Always enjoy your scattered thoughts.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, jusylee72, for your generous review. When I stepped outside one morning during a heatwave to walk my dog before it got too hot, I was struck by the sight of these scattered clouds overhead with their promise of rain and relief. Not only did I focus my iPhone camera on them, but I focused my thoughts. By the time we returned from our walk, I had finished composing my poem. Thank you also for wishing me well in the contest.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Poetry is when a thought has found words. I think you did a great job with this piece.
Thanks for sharing and I hope all is well with you.
All the best...
Bill~
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Poetry is when a thought has found words. I think you did a great job with this piece.
Thanks for sharing and I hope all is well with you.
All the best...
Bill~
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Yes, Bill, poetry is when thoughts find words. When I stepped outside one morning during a heatwave to walk my dog before it got too hot, I was struck by the sight of these scattered clouds overhead with their promise of rain and relief. Not only did I focus my iPhone camera on them, but I focused my thoughts. By the time we returned from our walk, I had finished composing my poem. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Elliot J Ridgely
For me, this very much captures the summer funk. The hot days where you're mind is so humid you cant think and you lie around wishing it was the middle of winter once more. Very innocent and youthful feeling to this poem, carefree and living in the now. Very good piece.
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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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For me, this very much captures the summer funk. The hot days where you're mind is so humid you cant think and you lie around wishing it was the middle of winter once more. Very innocent and youthful feeling to this poem, carefree and living in the now. Very good piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Elliot, for your review. I am glad my poem captured the summer funk.
Comment from Tod Moran
I like this, short effective gets the point across effectively. I might have added a line or 2 on the nature of thirst. Gather scattered thoughts? Just an idea.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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I like this, short effective gets the point across effectively. I might have added a line or 2 on the nature of thirst. Gather scattered thoughts? Just an idea.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Tod, for your review and suggestions. Since this is a 5-7-5 poetry contest, I cannot add more sentences or syllables on the nature of thirst. I had to maximize the the seventeen syllables I have. Thanks.
Comment from smbau
Excellent poem that describes the process of thinking and its outcomes. The picture, background and font colors add value and meaning to the poem. Could also be the process of making a speech for when tongue gets the raindrops, then the tongue would be functional.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Excellent poem that describes the process of thinking and its outcomes. The picture, background and font colors add value and meaning to the poem. Could also be the process of making a speech for when tongue gets the raindrops, then the tongue would be functional.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, smbau, for your intuitive review. When I stepped outside my door during a heatwave and saw these promising clouds, I took this picture and composed my poem while I walked my dog. By the time we arrived home, I completed the poem, but no rain fell on us that day. I did catch this poem on my tongue. Thanks.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Andre!
Your poem employs excellent use of imagery to depict the summer sky and the parched need for drops of rain. I love how you've made it personal to you with scattered and clouded thoughts, making you at one with the sky.
Great job! Good luck in the contest. I feel this will be a strong contender with all of your syllables in the correct places.
Kim
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Hi Andre!
Your poem employs excellent use of imagery to depict the summer sky and the parched need for drops of rain. I love how you've made it personal to you with scattered and clouded thoughts, making you at one with the sky.
Great job! Good luck in the contest. I feel this will be a strong contender with all of your syllables in the correct places.
Kim
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Kim, for your generous review and for wishing me well in the contest. I appreciate it.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I like your photo very much, Sis Cat.
-Syllable count is good.
-Poem is very good with good imagery
like "Scattered thoughts" and "clouds invade."
-The conclusion is very good, as well.
-Good luck in the contest; a good entry.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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-I like your photo very much, Sis Cat.
-Syllable count is good.
-Poem is very good with good imagery
like "Scattered thoughts" and "clouds invade."
-The conclusion is very good, as well.
-Good luck in the contest; a good entry.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Pam, for your review. I am glad you like my photo, too. When I stepped outside my door one morning during a heatwave to walk my dog before it got too hot, I was struck by the sight of these promising, scattered clouds. I took this picture on my iPhone and proceeded to compose my poem on my phone while I walked. By the time I returned home, I had completed this poem.
Thank you also for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Andre,
An excellent 5-7-5 poem and entry for the contest
with solid imagery of the clouds/heatwave
and comparison of clouds to thoughts
It can be a long wait for those raindrops in a heatwave
Best to carry a canteen or water bottle
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Hello Andre,
An excellent 5-7-5 poem and entry for the contest
with solid imagery of the clouds/heatwave
and comparison of clouds to thoughts
It can be a long wait for those raindrops in a heatwave
Best to carry a canteen or water bottle
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Yes, RS, best to carry a canteen or water bottle. The scattered showers missed me that day, but my tongue caught an idea for this poem. Thanks.
Comment from Treischel
Fabulous imagery. An outstanding 5-7-5 formatted poem that immerses the reader into the delight of rain.except for the punctuation this would make a great Haiku too.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Fabulous imagery. An outstanding 5-7-5 formatted poem that immerses the reader into the delight of rain.except for the punctuation this would make a great Haiku too.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
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Yes, Treischel, except for the punctuation and past tense, this would make a great Haiku. Thank you for your review.
