The One
A story about the picture.18 total reviews
Comment from Rubylou
Wow!
What a spine tingling story to match up with the given image. I like the ending very much, " I have found my long-lost sister."
Just a thought, In the second paragraph, I don't believe you need a period after "mechanism."
Nice story development and cast of characters.
Rubylou
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Wow!
What a spine tingling story to match up with the given image. I like the ending very much, " I have found my long-lost sister."
Just a thought, In the second paragraph, I don't believe you need a period after "mechanism."
Nice story development and cast of characters.
Rubylou
Comment Written 24-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanksmuch for reading and this great correction.
Comment from Ric Myworld
They say we have all had depraved thoughts. Of course, I've never believed that to be true, and I would have never figured you for the type. But now, I don't know what I believe. Those are some wicked thoughts that came up with this chilling story. Thanks for sharing another outstanding read with its spot on word choices. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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They say we have all had depraved thoughts. Of course, I've never believed that to be true, and I would have never figured you for the type. But now, I don't know what I believe. Those are some wicked thoughts that came up with this chilling story. Thanks for sharing another outstanding read with its spot on word choices. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much Ric. I love my Sis. Better not let any of them read this huh? Lol.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on this story. I like how you make the character justify her actions. Good luck in the contest!
When we arrive at my home she struggles so much I am forced to use the choreiform.--Suggest a comma after home. Also, chloroform.
I tell her I, alone know how to make her happy.--I think you need to place the comma after her or not use it at all.
Check this entire paragraph for two independent clause joined by and. I suggest a comma before most of them.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Nice work on this story. I like how you make the character justify her actions. Good luck in the contest!
When we arrive at my home she struggles so much I am forced to use the choreiform.--Suggest a comma after home. Also, chloroform.
I tell her I, alone know how to make her happy.--I think you need to place the comma after her or not use it at all.
Check this entire paragraph for two independent clause joined by and. I suggest a comma before most of them.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 24-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanks Russell. All the time i had to write this and i waited and got in a rush. Appreciate the help.
Comment from lyenochka
Yiiiiikes!! Okay, you've succeeded in matching the picture (one I try to avoid looking at when browsing the contests) and got us into the creepy, distorted mind of a serial killer.
Minor points:
"mechanism. to paint " (period not needed, right?)
" use the choreiform. " (chloroform?)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Yiiiiikes!! Okay, you've succeeded in matching the picture (one I try to avoid looking at when browsing the contests) and got us into the creepy, distorted mind of a serial killer.
Minor points:
"mechanism. to paint " (period not needed, right?)
" use the choreiform. " (chloroform?)
Comment Written 23-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much for reading this creepy thing. And for the great corrections.
Comment from Day Z Chayn
JoAnn,
I'm reminded of John Wayne Gacy as I read this, who had a second career in prison painting clown portraits, many of which sell for thousands of dollars. I appreciate the style of this piece; an actual motivation exists for the killings, the protagonist isn't just standing in front of you going, "Yo, I'm Ted E. (Bundy) & I like to carve up skinny b**ches w/dark hair. OOOWWWEEE!!!"
This put a happy face on me. Is Patch Adams ever an inspiration for these?
~Shane~
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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JoAnn,
I'm reminded of John Wayne Gacy as I read this, who had a second career in prison painting clown portraits, many of which sell for thousands of dollars. I appreciate the style of this piece; an actual motivation exists for the killings, the protagonist isn't just standing in front of you going, "Yo, I'm Ted E. (Bundy) & I like to carve up skinny b**ches w/dark hair. OOOWWWEEE!!!"
This put a happy face on me. Is Patch Adams ever an inspiration for these?
~Shane~
Comment Written 23-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Lol. Thanks much. Glad u enjoyed. I am deeply appreciative of the lovely grren six. Perhaps i shall preserve it with a bit of formaldehyde. Heh. Heh.
Comment from royowen
I think this is probably the "perfect" story in this theme. I think you're probably right about some people killing others,, thinking they doing them some kind of "favour"! I like the "protagonist" (although that seems a bit generous). Good structure and timing to the story's flow, great bizarre choice of characters. Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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I think this is probably the "perfect" story in this theme. I think you're probably right about some people killing others,, thinking they doing them some kind of "favour"! I like the "protagonist" (although that seems a bit generous). Good structure and timing to the story's flow, great bizarre choice of characters. Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 23-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanks, dear sweet Roy for reading this evil little write. Much appreciated.
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Most welcome
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about the picture and author's sister to make an artefact; a religious experience the author had on making his sister matched with the picture to make it one; I liked.
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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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This speaks about the picture and author's sister to make an artefact; a religious experience the author had on making his sister matched with the picture to make it one; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanks much!
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi (*<*)
= OMGoodness! What a sleaze bucket.
= Great story for the prompt.
= Good luck in the contest.
= Delete period =
a constant stirring mechanism[.] to paint the bright color
= A smile is just a frown turned upside down = (*.*)
Cheers ... Jax/Jackie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Hi (*<*)
= OMGoodness! What a sleaze bucket.
= Great story for the prompt.
= Good luck in the contest.
= Delete period =
a constant stirring mechanism[.] to paint the bright color
= A smile is just a frown turned upside down = (*.*)
Cheers ... Jax/Jackie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
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Thanks for reading this creepy little offering.
