Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Chapter Zehn part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
38 total reviews
Comment from mvbrooks
The characters and the dialogue ring true of actual people. The child's boldness in sitting by Benjamin, who she's just met, shows a warm, trusting relationship with the adults in her life. The references to her mother makes the reader what to learn more about this woman's motivations.
One feels Benjamin's somewhat sadness that the child does not know about David and Goliath as they are not just biblical characters, but often used references on bravery in many cultures.
Reads smoothly and makes the reader want to read on.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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The characters and the dialogue ring true of actual people. The child's boldness in sitting by Benjamin, who she's just met, shows a warm, trusting relationship with the adults in her life. The references to her mother makes the reader what to learn more about this woman's motivations.
One feels Benjamin's somewhat sadness that the child does not know about David and Goliath as they are not just biblical characters, but often used references on bravery in many cultures.
Reads smoothly and makes the reader want to read on.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Jay Squires
Your transitions are very smooth between characters and their dialogue. You use actions, when appropriate to indicate speaker, and you do it so seamlessly.
Philip nodded acknowledgement and left to take care of it. [A minor consideration, but I'd suggest that you don't really need "acknowledgement." That's what his nodding means. But it's merely a suggestion.]
Anderson's eyes met Benjamin's. "I want to assure you that your daughter has been and will continue to be treated with the upmost respect. [Barbara, this should really go into its own paragraph. A different speaker. The conversation is so important you don't want to chance reader confusion.]
Great chapter, Barbara!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Your transitions are very smooth between characters and their dialogue. You use actions, when appropriate to indicate speaker, and you do it so seamlessly.
Philip nodded acknowledgement and left to take care of it. [A minor consideration, but I'd suggest that you don't really need "acknowledgement." That's what his nodding means. But it's merely a suggestion.]
Anderson's eyes met Benjamin's. "I want to assure you that your daughter has been and will continue to be treated with the upmost respect. [Barbara, this should really go into its own paragraph. A different speaker. The conversation is so important you don't want to chance reader confusion.]
Great chapter, Barbara!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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I must have read this as I was taking out acknowledgement. The second suggestion I am confused on . Anderson is speaking through that entire paragraph. Maybe I need to the second part in a different paragraph so show it's importance. I will work on it.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Hello my friend this is well written I liked the way you ease the subject of the bible and the Jewish faith into this story it will give readers more understanding of the Jewish faith I enjoyed well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Hello my friend this is well written I liked the way you ease the subject of the bible and the Jewish faith into this story it will give readers more understanding of the Jewish faith I enjoyed well done regards Jill
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I found your write interesting and informative and I enjoy reading stories like this as I learn about other people's faith and beliefs, great words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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I found your write interesting and informative and I enjoy reading stories like this as I learn about other people's faith and beliefs, great words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lalajovanoski
Hello friend I really enjoyed reading this piece I found it to be very deep and moving and it has a really good dialogue throughout also it has an eye structure and flow thank you very much for sharing this with us and God bless you
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Hello friend I really enjoyed reading this piece I found it to be very deep and moving and it has a really good dialogue throughout also it has an eye structure and flow thank you very much for sharing this with us and God bless you
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curly Girly
In this portion, we read that Emily cannot remember going to Sunday school. She doesn't know the story of David and Goliath--that's sad. I am sure many modern kids have not been to Sunday School either--and that's scary. A person should be aware of history and of their own culture.
Her father has expressed concern that Emily is staying with a divorced man.
Question: Isn't Emily's father separated or about to be divorced?
Not sure because I came into this story late.
Nicole
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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In this portion, we read that Emily cannot remember going to Sunday school. She doesn't know the story of David and Goliath--that's sad. I am sure many modern kids have not been to Sunday School either--and that's scary. A person should be aware of history and of their own culture.
Her father has expressed concern that Emily is staying with a divorced man.
Question: Isn't Emily's father separated or about to be divorced?
Not sure because I came into this story late.
Nicole
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Anderson is divorced from his wife, Emily's mother. Anderson is now trying to get full custody of Emily. His wife is more than a hot mess. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from smbau
Enjoyed the dialogue in this chapter. Author did awesome job of explaining fundamental lessons through Emily, a 5 year old girl. Liked the flow of the story. Consider, describing the living room seating arrangements to help readers like me visualize the scene under which the dialogue too place. Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Enjoyed the dialogue in this chapter. Author did awesome job of explaining fundamental lessons through Emily, a 5 year old girl. Liked the flow of the story. Consider, describing the living room seating arrangements to help readers like me visualize the scene under which the dialogue too place. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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I do not enjoy reading descriptions myself, so I don't use them unless they are absolutely necessary. I feel most people know what living rooms look like. When I read stories that include descriptions I usually skip them and read the important parts. That's why I don't include them. Thank you for the review.
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Thank you. All the same, you are a great author . Ps: in my travels I have witnessed different concepts of living rooms. As diverse as we are, so are there diverse readers. Appreciate you sharing - learned something new.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Shana, it's all right. I understand his concern. He loves you." Anderson's eyes met Benjamin's. "I want to assure you that your daughter has been and will continue to be treated with the upmost respect. To the best of my ability I will make sure no harm comes to her physically or emotionally." He offered his hand. After Benjamin accepted it, he added, "Emily's my princess and I understand a father's love and concern for his daughter."
How lovely. You write so well and with such skill, very well done! Love Meia x
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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"Shana, it's all right. I understand his concern. He loves you." Anderson's eyes met Benjamin's. "I want to assure you that your daughter has been and will continue to be treated with the upmost respect. To the best of my ability I will make sure no harm comes to her physically or emotionally." He offered his hand. After Benjamin accepted it, he added, "Emily's my princess and I understand a father's love and concern for his daughter."
How lovely. You write so well and with such skill, very well done! Love Meia x
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Loren (7)
Barbara, what a wonderful concept your story has. Sorry, that sounds like a convoluted sentence, but it means I'm really intrigued by the story line and one I would definitely get into reading. I've been super busy with other things, so haven't had much time to read or write. Reading this one chapter goes to show me how much I've missed. Keep it up, indeed very interesting and well done. Loren
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Barbara, what a wonderful concept your story has. Sorry, that sounds like a convoluted sentence, but it means I'm really intrigued by the story line and one I would definitely get into reading. I've been super busy with other things, so haven't had much time to read or write. Reading this one chapter goes to show me how much I've missed. Keep it up, indeed very interesting and well done. Loren
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the kind review and thank you for taking a break from your busy life to read my post. I completely understand being really busy. That's the way I feel during the school year.
Comment from apky
Another excellent chapter that brought me closer to Shana and her family. Anderson - and his (I suspect) true motives - still remains a mystery to me, which is fine because it makes me come back again and again to the story in order to find out, or in the hope of, finding out more about him and his world.
Great writing. I liked the way you cleverly used Emy to tell the reader something of the Jewish religion. This worked very well because it eliminated the danger of the writer sounding "belehrend" to the reader, or showing off their knowledge.
Wonderful chapter.
Cheers,
Apky
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Another excellent chapter that brought me closer to Shana and her family. Anderson - and his (I suspect) true motives - still remains a mystery to me, which is fine because it makes me come back again and again to the story in order to find out, or in the hope of, finding out more about him and his world.
Great writing. I liked the way you cleverly used Emy to tell the reader something of the Jewish religion. This worked very well because it eliminated the danger of the writer sounding "belehrend" to the reader, or showing off their knowledge.
Wonderful chapter.
Cheers,
Apky
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
