This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Veronica Has a Shock!"Veronica is sent back again
41 total reviews
Comment from Leena
Its really interesting how your story weaves up each time. Its really a very stimulating read; to go back in time and in this case to accomplish something. Great writing; keep it up!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Its really interesting how your story weaves up each time. Its really a very stimulating read; to go back in time and in this case to accomplish something. Great writing; keep it up!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I'm so pleased you like my story, Leena, thank you. Veronica has a lot to sort out now. It will be a testing time. :) Sandra xx
Comment from dweigt
Excellent! I enjoy these time travel stories of yours, and it's interesting how you've changed the circumstances slightly, keeping both your protagonist and reader uncertain and on edge. Your descriptions are detailed and vivid, and the dialogue is natural and believable.
Be careful not to overdo the dialect. A little goes a long way!
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Excellent! I enjoy these time travel stories of yours, and it's interesting how you've changed the circumstances slightly, keeping both your protagonist and reader uncertain and on edge. Your descriptions are detailed and vivid, and the dialogue is natural and believable.
Be careful not to overdo the dialect. A little goes a long way!
Keep writing!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you so very much for the lovely 6 stars, my friend! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it. The dialect will come and go, depending on where she goes. But, I will take your advice and not overdo it. Thanks, it's input like this that truly helps. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from aryr
I really enjoyed this chapter and probably it was due to the dialogue of both UK English and slang. It felt very comfortable reading it (does that mean I have spent too much time around the British lol) It was terrible that Veronica did not take on a physical form nor that Daveth's mother could not see her. From the description of what happen with his father I am sure that Ann is also a key player in the plot. This was intense, intriguing and also rewarding. Great job, I await the next chapter. Thanks Sandra.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I really enjoyed this chapter and probably it was due to the dialogue of both UK English and slang. It felt very comfortable reading it (does that mean I have spent too much time around the British lol) It was terrible that Veronica did not take on a physical form nor that Daveth's mother could not see her. From the description of what happen with his father I am sure that Ann is also a key player in the plot. This was intense, intriguing and also rewarding. Great job, I await the next chapter. Thanks Sandra.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Alie, that is so nice of you. Yes, you've definitely been around us a lot, LOL. I'm glad you liked this part, it's going to be a tough one for Veronica, she's going to need some help. Thanks, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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You are most welcome Sandra, I will definitely be watching for the adventures of Veronica. PS the British are a great group of people, now don't let that go to your head lol.
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As if it would! LOL. Thanks, my friend, you're not bad yourself!! ;) xx
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:- )
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Daveth was giving me a look that told me he was still trying to work out if I was for real or not. I could see what I'd told him took a bit of digesting. I smiled and stepped closer to him. "It's all real, Daveth, and I'm real, too, you know I am. Now, just in case I get spirited away, tell me your father's name, and can you tell me what he looks like?"
"Me ma says I look jus' like me da. I know 'e's got the same 'air as me." His free hand went up and raked through his wiry, wavy black hair. "An' 'e's got smiles in 'is eyes," he told me, with a smile in his eyes too. Then the smile left and was replaced with painful desperation. "Ya gotta get me da back, Missis, ya jus' gotta!"
What a smashing piece of writing! I loved this and will endeavour to read more of your work very soon kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Daveth was giving me a look that told me he was still trying to work out if I was for real or not. I could see what I'd told him took a bit of digesting. I smiled and stepped closer to him. "It's all real, Daveth, and I'm real, too, you know I am. Now, just in case I get spirited away, tell me your father's name, and can you tell me what he looks like?"
"Me ma says I look jus' like me da. I know 'e's got the same 'air as me." His free hand went up and raked through his wiry, wavy black hair. "An' 'e's got smiles in 'is eyes," he told me, with a smile in his eyes too. Then the smile left and was replaced with painful desperation. "Ya gotta get me da back, Missis, ya jus' gotta!"
What a smashing piece of writing! I loved this and will endeavour to read more of your work very soon kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you so very much for this lovely review, Meia. I'm delighted you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can understand Daveth struggling with believing Veronica's real. His dad just disappeared. Oh my!!! and right before his very eyes. I sure hope Veronica can help him. I do like this story.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I can understand Daveth struggling with believing Veronica's real. His dad just disappeared. Oh my!!! and right before his very eyes. I sure hope Veronica can help him. I do like this story.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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It's going to be quite a task for Veronica to sort this one out! Thank you so much, Barbara, for you lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Very nice continuation here. The dialectal choice remains consistent throughout which is no mean feat in itself.
Where's Ann? I wanna see 'er," he said - need opening speech marks here.
an old sack that was laying crumpled - lying.
you aint been born yet / 'E ain't bin back since" / I aint said nothin' since - presentation of aint should be the same.
that's why I said I must be able to help you or I wouldn't be here. - need closing speech marks here.
I know yer 'ere to 'elp me now," he said - and opening ones needed here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Very nice continuation here. The dialectal choice remains consistent throughout which is no mean feat in itself.
Where's Ann? I wanna see 'er," he said - need opening speech marks here.
an old sack that was laying crumpled - lying.
you aint been born yet / 'E ain't bin back since" / I aint said nothin' since - presentation of aint should be the same.
that's why I said I must be able to help you or I wouldn't be here. - need closing speech marks here.
I know yer 'ere to 'elp me now," he said - and opening ones needed here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Goodness me, I don't know how I missed all those! Thanks G. I'll go and correct those now!! Thank you so much for the great review, my friend! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I didn't see any spags, but it was because the story is so interesting. Wow, His dad disappeared when he was talking to
Ann? Maybe he is stuck in her time then and doesn't know what is going on. HAHA. I can see this is going to be very interesting. A real brain twister. Well done! Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I didn't see any spags, but it was because the story is so interesting. Wow, His dad disappeared when he was talking to
Ann? Maybe he is stuck in her time then and doesn't know what is going on. HAHA. I can see this is going to be very interesting. A real brain twister. Well done! Nancy
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Nancy. I'm glad you like the way it's going. It's got to be totally different from the first one to make it work. It's going to tease my brain, too!! LOL Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from c_lucas
The adventure continues with a new twist. The woman of the future must find a man of the past and return him to his time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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The adventure continues with a new twist. The woman of the future must find a man of the past and return him to his time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you so very much, Charles, for this great review. It's going to take some sorting out for Veronica to find him. :) Sandra xx
Comment from pbomar1115
Sorry, but there is no way I could help in the language area; however, I can say I love your mastery of the English dialect written. It reads as its sounds. Great work. Now, Veronica is trying to figure out how her unplanned time traveling works and possibly not disappoint Daveth, by helping to find his father. She has her hands full.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Sorry, but there is no way I could help in the language area; however, I can say I love your mastery of the English dialect written. It reads as its sounds. Great work. Now, Veronica is trying to figure out how her unplanned time traveling works and possibly not disappoint Daveth, by helping to find his father. She has her hands full.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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That's all I wanted to know ... if it read right. Thank you so very much, you've put my mind at ease!! I'm afraid this is going to be quite a task for Veronica. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xxx
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You're welcome.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I love this story, Sandra, quite unique and full of surprises....
so well presented too ---
just one little nit:
"An' [h](')e's got smiles in 'is eyes - as he drops his h's - he's need to be 'e's
Margaret
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I love this story, Sandra, quite unique and full of surprises....
so well presented too ---
just one little nit:
"An' [h](')e's got smiles in 'is eyes - as he drops his h's - he's need to be 'e's
Margaret
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you so very much, Margaret, for you lovely review and pointing out the 'h'. I'll go and remove that now. I see you've posted again, I'm off there straight away!!! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
