Pigeon
Hitchhiker or carjacker?48 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written humorous story. Although it doesn't seems humorous at the time of the event. I am sure you look back at they incident and smile and be grateful that you and the pigeon both survived.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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A very well-written humorous story. Although it doesn't seems humorous at the time of the event. I am sure you look back at they incident and smile and be grateful that you and the pigeon both survived.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Yes, Sandra, the pigeon and I are grateful we survived. Thank you for your review.
Comment from dweigt
Funny little story! I was chuckling when reading it, and enjoyed the video of you performing it. I think you ended the written version in the right place. We can all imagine what the "deposit" was!
A few minor things caught my eye while reading:
How did it get in here in San Francisco?-- I understand the "How did it get in here" part of the question, but why "in San Francisco"?
flipped me the bird -- Chuckle. Guess you had to slip that one in!
I drove off the bridge, -- This almost sounds catastrophic, in the same sense you've used "drive off the bridge" earlier. Consider rephrasing.
But in the back seat, the pigeon left a deposit. -- Funny little ending! Love it!
Is that blood? -- Was it yours? Or the pigeon's?
Great story! Keep writing!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Funny little story! I was chuckling when reading it, and enjoyed the video of you performing it. I think you ended the written version in the right place. We can all imagine what the "deposit" was!
A few minor things caught my eye while reading:
How did it get in here in San Francisco?-- I understand the "How did it get in here" part of the question, but why "in San Francisco"?
flipped me the bird -- Chuckle. Guess you had to slip that one in!
I drove off the bridge, -- This almost sounds catastrophic, in the same sense you've used "drive off the bridge" earlier. Consider rephrasing.
But in the back seat, the pigeon left a deposit. -- Funny little ending! Love it!
Is that blood? -- Was it yours? Or the pigeon's?
Great story! Keep writing!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dwight, for your generous, six star review. I am glad you got a chuckle out of reading my little story.
Now to answer your questions of things that caught your eye. The original idea of "How did it get in here in San Francisco?" was that the driver initially assumed the pigeon had entered his car in San Francisco before he got on the bridge to Oakland, but I like your edit as clearer and faster, so I am keeping it simple at "How did it get in here?"
I changed "I drove off the bridge" to "I drove onto land." It's much clearer and not confusing.
The blood was mine. The pigeon was fine. I will think of a way to clarify it.
I am glad you chuckled at my flipped the bird reference and my funny little ending.
I deeply appreciate your review and edits because they encourage me as I continue to perform my story. Thanks again.
Comment from estory
I think its a nice little comic relief. you set the scene really well, you put us in that car with you, and we really feel your anxt driving over that bridge, after the earthquake, and the pidgeon getting swept into the car with you, and almost distracting you to the point of getting killed in an automobile accident. It's funny but a little scary, a little dark. the ending with the pigeon leaving the poop deposit was worth a chuckle. nice relief at the end. estory
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I think its a nice little comic relief. you set the scene really well, you put us in that car with you, and we really feel your anxt driving over that bridge, after the earthquake, and the pidgeon getting swept into the car with you, and almost distracting you to the point of getting killed in an automobile accident. It's funny but a little scary, a little dark. the ending with the pigeon leaving the poop deposit was worth a chuckle. nice relief at the end. estory
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, estory, for your review of my funny but a little scary story. I am glad you found comic relief in it.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a great story. I really enjoyed the live performance. It was great to see you in action and so animated. I felt like I was in the car with you. A couple of times I reached for the wheel. I included a video of my self in my contest entry The Demise of Dean Kuch.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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This is a great story. I really enjoyed the live performance. It was great to see you in action and so animated. I felt like I was in the car with you. A couple of times I reached for the wheel. I included a video of my self in my contest entry The Demise of Dean Kuch.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Thomas, for your review. I am glad you enjoyed my live performance, too.
Comment from JDRBAR
This is unbelievable. Love it, and can well imagine it actually happening to someone. Your words help create that realistic sense. Very nicely written, and next time you cross that bridge, keep your windows up.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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This is unbelievable. Love it, and can well imagine it actually happening to someone. Your words help create that realistic sense. Very nicely written, and next time you cross that bridge, keep your windows up.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Yes, I'll keep my windows rolled up and use the AC the next time I cross that bridge. Thank you for your review. I use documented incidents of birds flying through the open car windows of cars in motion to craft my story. Thanks again.
Comment from apky
Although you say that this story is a "lie" (which story isn't?) but based on some truth, I found it highly entertaining, even comical. This is something that could really happen.
And thank God you styed on that bridge, and the pigeon was lucky your head is not made of concrete.
Well done.
Apky
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Although you say that this story is a "lie" (which story isn't?) but based on some truth, I found it highly entertaining, even comical. This is something that could really happen.
And thank God you styed on that bridge, and the pigeon was lucky your head is not made of concrete.
Well done.
Apky
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Apky, for your generous review of a "lie" based on truth. I am glad you found it entertaining and plausible.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a colorful post full of humor. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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This is a colorful post full of humor. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you, c_lucas, for your review of my colorful, humorous post. I am glad you found it to be a good read.
Comment from kriver
Hi Andre,
Lol that was a funny story.
If that had been me I probably would have tried to make him into a pet.
The write has a good storyline and punchline ending.
Best regards,
K RIver
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hi Andre,
Lol that was a funny story.
If that had been me I probably would have tried to make him into a pet.
The write has a good storyline and punchline ending.
Best regards,
K RIver
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, K River, for your enthusiastic review. I have revised and performed this story for over two weeks. I am glad you approve of the punchline ending which I had just revised. Thanks again.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
LOL
Oh my goodness and this is told in such a way with the antics that it is absolutely funny and so believable. I truly loved the start, setting the reason to avoid the bridge, then the 'attack' of the pigeon hitching a ride and deciding to stay in the car. Loved the deposit. Nicely done
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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LOL
Oh my goodness and this is told in such a way with the antics that it is absolutely funny and so believable. I truly loved the start, setting the reason to avoid the bridge, then the 'attack' of the pigeon hitching a ride and deciding to stay in the car. Loved the deposit. Nicely done
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Barb, for your review. I am glad my story made you LOL. I normally do not think of myself as funny, but I pulled it off here. Thanks again.
Comment from Jay Squires
Brilliant performance, Andre! I didn't realize until it was almost over that what you had written was the story you were narrating. There was an echo problem, so having the script there to follow along made it an enjoyable experience. If you ever have a performance in the general vicinity of Bakersfield, please let me know.
By the way, Friday I am going over to a little town near Morro Bay to watch a stage play performance by fellow FanStorian, FridayAuthor (Ray), and will be staying the night with him and his wife. I saw a staging of one of his plays last year. He is an amazing talent.
He has showings Friday, Saturday and Sunday if you think you and your companion might be in the area.
Anyway, I loved your work. I so admire your multiple talents.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Brilliant performance, Andre! I didn't realize until it was almost over that what you had written was the story you were narrating. There was an echo problem, so having the script there to follow along made it an enjoyable experience. If you ever have a performance in the general vicinity of Bakersfield, please let me know.
By the way, Friday I am going over to a little town near Morro Bay to watch a stage play performance by fellow FanStorian, FridayAuthor (Ray), and will be staying the night with him and his wife. I saw a staging of one of his plays last year. He is an amazing talent.
He has showings Friday, Saturday and Sunday if you think you and your companion might be in the area.
Anyway, I loved your work. I so admire your multiple talents.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Jay, for your enthusiastic, six star review. Yes, I have noticed that the echo problem at some performance spaces distort the sound of my voice, making it less distinct, so I am glad the written version helped. I am getting requests monthly to perform at various event s around the Bay Area. I look forward to performing around the state, the country, and the world so you can see one of my performances.
I will be unable to make it down to Morro Bay--beautiful town--but enjoy yourself and the play.
