Pigeon
Hitchhiker or carjacker?48 total reviews
Comment from lalajovanoski
Hello friend. I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is constructed nicely. It also has good content. Good flow throughout. I was pretty captivated!
Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hello friend. I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is constructed nicely. It also has good content. Good flow throughout. I was pretty captivated!
Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, alajovanoski, for your review. I am glad you enjoyed it and found it captivating.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"The wind pinned the pigeon against my back window, and then the bird leapt onto my headrest. I screamed like Tippi Hedren in The Birds. "Get out of my hair!" ... Hahahaha. The way this was written, Andre, I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh. Of course, I'm not laughing AT you but laughing WITH you. Heh-heh...
"My hands off the steering wheel again, my car drifted across lanes of traffic as drivers honked and--"Hey!"--flipped me the bird." ... Flipping you "the Bird" was rather appropriate given the story. Wouldn't you agree, lol? ...
"I had driven that bird across the Bay Bridge in my car and paid the toll. But in the back seat, the pigeon left a deposit." Well at least the pigeon left you something which is more than I can say for most of my family and friends who I give rides to here and there. But that kind of deposit, I can doo-doo without...
Great story, myfiend friend, not to mention the hilarious performance by you of the story on video.
Oh...wait. I think I just did mention it, didn't I?
Oh well...
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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"The wind pinned the pigeon against my back window, and then the bird leapt onto my headrest. I screamed like Tippi Hedren in The Birds. "Get out of my hair!" ... Hahahaha. The way this was written, Andre, I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh. Of course, I'm not laughing AT you but laughing WITH you. Heh-heh...
"My hands off the steering wheel again, my car drifted across lanes of traffic as drivers honked and--"Hey!"--flipped me the bird." ... Flipping you "the Bird" was rather appropriate given the story. Wouldn't you agree, lol? ...
"I had driven that bird across the Bay Bridge in my car and paid the toll. But in the back seat, the pigeon left a deposit." Well at least the pigeon left you something which is more than I can say for most of my family and friends who I give rides to here and there. But that kind of deposit, I can doo-doo without...
Great story, my
Oh...wait. I think I just did mention it, didn't I?
Oh well...
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dean, for your hilarious review. I had a lot of fun performing this. I am glad the humor translates well when my story is read. There were some people at the event and on FanStory who thought this event really happened to me. Oh well, this was a liar's contest. Thanks again.
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I would have thought this had actually happened to you as well had I not read your author's notes, Andre.
But authors often include them in their posts for a reason, so I always take the time to read them.
Unfortunately not everyone here does.
Great work, my friend. Really funny!
~Dean :)
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
After reading, I find that 'Pigeon' is a good story.
The dialogue is funny.
The author's notes are appreciated. Thank you.
The image supports the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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After reading, I find that 'Pigeon' is a good story.
The dialogue is funny.
The author's notes are appreciated. Thank you.
The image supports the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Yes, Nicole, and good luck in my future storytelling, too. I had a lot of fun telling and sharing "Pigeon." Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
HI Andre, a clever story and reading your author notes you had to deliver in a short time in the San Francisco Free Festival 2017. What a good idea, a Liar's Competition. I love the last paragraph in your story. Well done. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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HI Andre, a clever story and reading your author notes you had to deliver in a short time in the San Francisco Free Festival 2017. What a good idea, a Liar's Competition. I love the last paragraph in your story. Well done. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Yes, Dorothy, they only gave me five minutes to tell my story. I had to cut and rehearse to shrink it to fit. Thank you for your review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, Andre, this had me taken in. It had a ring of truth to it, although the category I assumed was a mistake and was going to point it out! lol
All the best
G
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi there,
Well, Andre, this had me taken in. It had a ring of truth to it, although the category I assumed was a mistake and was going to point it out! lol
All the best
G
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, G., for your generous review. Using facts made the ring of truth so strong in my story that several people assumed it really happened to me and tell me I am blessed to survive that pigeon encounter. That's how compelling this "lie" is.
Comment from nomi338
I think your written version of the story was so real that I was totally convinced that it was true. I bought into it so completely that I was imagining myself in a similar situation. I was thinking about how I would have dealt with things in the same position. You are good at this.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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I think your written version of the story was so real that I was totally convinced that it was true. I bought into it so completely that I was imagining myself in a similar situation. I was thinking about how I would have dealt with things in the same position. You are good at this.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, nomi338, for your review. When I told my story at a Liar's Contest, an audience member consoled me because he thought the incident had happened. People said they imagined themselves in a similar situations
Comment from Heather Knight
I like the comparison to Tippi Hedren. Very funny! But I can understand your fear... I would have been terrified. Even a fly inside the car sends me into a panic.
I think this sentence is great: I yelled like a priest conducting an exorcism.
Great story, Andre. And I´m glad you´ve included a video.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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I like the comparison to Tippi Hedren. Very funny! But I can understand your fear... I would have been terrified. Even a fly inside the car sends me into a panic.
I think this sentence is great: I yelled like a priest conducting an exorcism.
Great story, Andre. And I´m glad you´ve included a video.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Maria, for your generous, six star review. Yes, these incidents while driving are terrifying, distracting, and dangerous. I am glad you loved those two sentences. Thanks again.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your post and watching the video. It was great listening to you tell the story. You are blessed making it a crossed that bridge and not having a car accident with all that swerving.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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I enjoyed reading your post and watching the video. It was great listening to you tell the story. You are blessed making it a crossed that bridge and not having a car accident with all that swerving.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Yes, Barbara, I am glad to be alive to tell the tale. Thank you for your review. I am glad you loved my video, too.
Comment from humpwhistle
Great story, Andre. And not easy to tell--or write. It requires real skill to make one of these ready-made lies really entertaining. We can't simply tell them, we have to craft them--just like all our other lies, er, stories.
When the other drivers flipped you the bird, I drooled to make an ironic comment.
Andre, I made the following suggestions based on writing, not telling.
Peace, Lee
honked and served (swerved).
I headed toward the side rail separating me from the Bay.--Maybe you can find a more dramatic verb to replace 'headed'? It is a dramatic scene.
and then the bird and leapt --dele the second 'and'.
I screamed like Tippi Hedren in The Birds. "Get out of my hair!"--Nice! I always enjoy cultural references.
My hands(,) off the steering wheel again
pulled to the side of the freeway, and jumped from my car.--Do you need the comma after 'freeway'?
I never said the pigeon was smart. I took matters into my own hands. I took off my sweater and stretched it between my hands.--wondering if you meant to start three sentences in a row with 'I' ... two with 'I took'.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Great story, Andre. And not easy to tell--or write. It requires real skill to make one of these ready-made lies really entertaining. We can't simply tell them, we have to craft them--just like all our other lies, er, stories.
When the other drivers flipped you the bird, I drooled to make an ironic comment.
Andre, I made the following suggestions based on writing, not telling.
Peace, Lee
honked and served (swerved).
I headed toward the side rail separating me from the Bay.--Maybe you can find a more dramatic verb to replace 'headed'? It is a dramatic scene.
and then the bird and leapt --dele the second 'and'.
I screamed like Tippi Hedren in The Birds. "Get out of my hair!"--Nice! I always enjoy cultural references.
My hands(,) off the steering wheel again
pulled to the side of the freeway, and jumped from my car.--Do you need the comma after 'freeway'?
I never said the pigeon was smart. I took matters into my own hands. I took off my sweater and stretched it between my hands.--wondering if you meant to start three sentences in a row with 'I' ... two with 'I took'.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Oh, thank you, Lee, for your excellent and informative review. I had a lot of fun crafting this lie and entertaining audiences and readers alike. Based upon my experience and observations at these tall tale contest, it takes skill to pull off a successful lie.
Thank you for SPAG corrections which I adopted with the exception of the comma suggestions. I changed "headed" to the more dramatic verb "veered" (thus shaving a second from my performance), and I came up with a humorous solution to the three "I" and two "took" sentences in a row: "I never said the pigeon was smart, but I'm smart enough not to call 9-1-1 to evict a pigeon from my car. I took off my sweater and . . ."
I am glad you love the irony of flipping the bird and the cultural reference to Tippi Hedren.
Thank you very much for your generous review, encouragement, and corrections.
Comment from Thesis
Hi Andre. I enjoyed your post. It sounded like a perfectly real experience to me until I read your notes. Bravo! You made up a very believable, humorous story, with a "surprise" ending. I never heard of the Liar's competition before. It sounds like there would be some interesting tales told there.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Andre. I enjoyed your post. It sounded like a perfectly real experience to me until I read your notes. Bravo! You made up a very believable, humorous story, with a "surprise" ending. I never heard of the Liar's competition before. It sounds like there would be some interesting tales told there.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, Thesis, liar's competitions are the rage. People have been performing them for centuries. Some reviewers who did not read the notes thought they were reading a real experience. I am thrilled my story was convincing. Thank you for your review.
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You got me on that one, LOL. Till next time, Andre. Keep writing!
