The Fugitive
An Ode30 total reviews
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Tony:
You have done an exceptional job on this story in a poem about today's refugee situation. It is a wonderful lament on the plight of the refugees and the state of our world. Your rhyme, alliteration, and consonance are exquisite. This is certainly a six in my book!
I especially enjoyed how you mirrored your first and last stanzas, with just a slight change in the final rhyming pair of lines.
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Hi Tony:
You have done an exceptional job on this story in a poem about today's refugee situation. It is a wonderful lament on the plight of the refugees and the state of our world. Your rhyme, alliteration, and consonance are exquisite. This is certainly a six in my book!
I especially enjoyed how you mirrored your first and last stanzas, with just a slight change in the final rhyming pair of lines.
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review, Kim, and for the six stars, together with your perceptive comments. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from frierajac
Really an wonderful ode. The picture is apt. It just as likely that the Ahmad, if that is the intended name of the lonely child in the illustrated picture is an Aryan child, as he looks to be. Often people are unaware that so many of these children have light skin and eyes. It would be easier to put a universal face upon the image in the poem.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Really an wonderful ode. The picture is apt. It just as likely that the Ahmad, if that is the intended name of the lonely child in the illustrated picture is an Aryan child, as he looks to be. Often people are unaware that so many of these children have light skin and eyes. It would be easier to put a universal face upon the image in the poem.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your kind review, frierajac, together with your comments. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
-I was completely impressed by the demonstrative descriptiveness and the non elusive temperament of your definitive Expressionism that all completed a wonderful and distinct imagery which at all related to a fugitive and many of his endeavors which causes him to run. Amir, Seem to have always found himself in a fugitive style of life which haunted him from day to day and seared his soul in misery Always looking over the shoulder life which he lived throughout his days.
-Good use of alliteration with words like "Stained Shrouds", "Sacrificial splendor", Sea sprite", "Live a life", And "Soul seeking".
-The use of iambic pentameter throughout your ode made it very applicable for this type of writing and was very consistent throughout.
-The interwoven enjambment was thoroughly understood throughout the writing without a hiccup or a syntactical break in the reading and the writing of this poem.
-Good luck in the contest, Tony, and take care and have a good one especially with all those that you love and care for Dearly.
Alex
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Cheers, Tony;
-I was completely impressed by the demonstrative descriptiveness and the non elusive temperament of your definitive Expressionism that all completed a wonderful and distinct imagery which at all related to a fugitive and many of his endeavors which causes him to run. Amir, Seem to have always found himself in a fugitive style of life which haunted him from day to day and seared his soul in misery Always looking over the shoulder life which he lived throughout his days.
-Good use of alliteration with words like "Stained Shrouds", "Sacrificial splendor", Sea sprite", "Live a life", And "Soul seeking".
-The use of iambic pentameter throughout your ode made it very applicable for this type of writing and was very consistent throughout.
-The interwoven enjambment was thoroughly understood throughout the writing without a hiccup or a syntactical break in the reading and the writing of this poem.
-Good luck in the contest, Tony, and take care and have a good one especially with all those that you love and care for Dearly.
Alex
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review, Alex, and for the six stars, together with your perceptive comments. Much appreciated! All good wishes to you and your family, too. Tony
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You're always welcome, Tony. Take care.
Alex
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Ah, Tony, you do know how to play the harp of the heart and have offered a haunting but beautiful melody here. Man's inhumanity only creates more unsolvable questions and long-term conundrums as you have so deftly pointed out. The cold stars juxtaposed with the reality of war is brilliant (no pun intended). Only two bumps in meter that I could find:
in sacrificial splendour, like those oppressed.
as her dolphin pod, suspending time,
But that might just be my slightly OCD approach and I know that sometimes metre changes for specific effect.
Thank you for reminding us to care. Your crafting is always a joy to read. - Wendy
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Ah, Tony, you do know how to play the harp of the heart and have offered a haunting but beautiful melody here. Man's inhumanity only creates more unsolvable questions and long-term conundrums as you have so deftly pointed out. The cold stars juxtaposed with the reality of war is brilliant (no pun intended). Only two bumps in meter that I could find:
in sacrificial splendour, like those oppressed.
as her dolphin pod, suspending time,
But that might just be my slightly OCD approach and I know that sometimes metre changes for specific effect.
Thank you for reminding us to care. Your crafting is always a joy to read. - Wendy
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review, Wendy, and for the six stars, together with your perceptive comments. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Caressa_08
Your poem, The Fugitive, deserves a seven, or the very least a six, which unfortunately I have none to give...and a poem of great rhyme that can be even read with ease, though a troubling subject that there are so many fugitive children of foreign lands that are not given the consideration or care when they are caught in such an environment because of grown men's terrible... deadly, destructive conflicts,,, being left so many young refugees to fend for themselves...Really think this should be all civilized, countries' concerns, though the need which is great, as in Syria, to save these fugitives is lacking, as irrational wars have put its damper on so many to even try to save them, and to think of all the lack of this concern is disheartening... and they, these innocent, God's children, should not be allowed to live so helplessly, trying to survive, escaping or just get by, or be ever pawns of war.
Thanks for enlightening us on what I think we all should realize and Best Wishes for your entry...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Your poem, The Fugitive, deserves a seven, or the very least a six, which unfortunately I have none to give...and a poem of great rhyme that can be even read with ease, though a troubling subject that there are so many fugitive children of foreign lands that are not given the consideration or care when they are caught in such an environment because of grown men's terrible... deadly, destructive conflicts,,, being left so many young refugees to fend for themselves...Really think this should be all civilized, countries' concerns, though the need which is great, as in Syria, to save these fugitives is lacking, as irrational wars have put its damper on so many to even try to save them, and to think of all the lack of this concern is disheartening... and they, these innocent, God's children, should not be allowed to live so helplessly, trying to survive, escaping or just get by, or be ever pawns of war.
Thanks for enlightening us on what I think we all should realize and Best Wishes for your entry...Caressa_08
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much for your detailed response to this one, Caressa. Very much appreciated. All the best, Tony
Comment from Marvin Calloway
I don't know what to look for or be aware of when it comes to poetry. All I know is I liked this one. I prefer poetry that rhymes, as yours did. The story was deep and difficult to fathom, which made it challenging as well as interesting,
Marv
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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I don't know what to look for or be aware of when it comes to poetry. All I know is I liked this one. I prefer poetry that rhymes, as yours did. The story was deep and difficult to fathom, which made it challenging as well as interesting,
Marv
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review, Marv, and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Rasmine
I love all of your poem. It said a lot about survival. I have a friend who I just found out was starved almost to death when he was seven years old. I can't even fathom what he went through.
Good luck in the contest, but I think you will do fine.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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I love all of your poem. It said a lot about survival. I have a friend who I just found out was starved almost to death when he was seven years old. I can't even fathom what he went through.
Good luck in the contest, but I think you will do fine.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review, Rasmine, and for the six stars, together with the interesting comment about your friend. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from sharonlshelley
Nice work well written and interesting to read I am quite new to this site so I am writing and reading as I am going enjoying peoples work I find all varieties of poetry interesting
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Nice work well written and interesting to read I am quite new to this site so I am writing and reading as I am going enjoying peoples work I find all varieties of poetry interesting
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for dropping by to review this one, Sharon. Much appreciated, Tony
Comment from Margaret Ford
So many tens of thousand of children die, fleeing from these awful wars, fleeing with fear in their hears, and more often than not, hunger in their belies. And all may be forced in slavery or sex-traffing if we don't help them and the're left to deal with the wrong kind off people. Your poem is heartbreaking and beautiful, at the same time. Margaret
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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So many tens of thousand of children die, fleeing from these awful wars, fleeing with fear in their hears, and more often than not, hunger in their belies. And all may be forced in slavery or sex-traffing if we don't help them and the're left to deal with the wrong kind off people. Your poem is heartbreaking and beautiful, at the same time. Margaret
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much for your response to this one, Margaret. Very much appreciated. All the best, Tony
Comment from Mark Valentine
What a beautiful and poignant poem! It has the feel of a classic ode - like Keats beholding the Grecian urn and wondering what the backstory is - your ode imagines what series of events might have brought this child to that place ( I particularly loved the phrase "dismembered times" - there is so much in those two words that speak to the experience of a child from a war-torn land). I like the choice of "fugitive" as opposed to "refugee". It focuses more on what the child is running from as opposed to where he is running to.
This is magnificently written - the iambic pentameter, tight rhymes, and word choices ("dull orbs" among my favorites) give it the weight of solemnity, and the message puts a human face on a larger story.
Earlier tonight, I made the mistake of reading some of the comments to a xenophobic Facebook post urging Donald Trump to close mosques. Your poem contains the humanity that those comments lacked - thanks for supplying the antidote to that poison.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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What a beautiful and poignant poem! It has the feel of a classic ode - like Keats beholding the Grecian urn and wondering what the backstory is - your ode imagines what series of events might have brought this child to that place ( I particularly loved the phrase "dismembered times" - there is so much in those two words that speak to the experience of a child from a war-torn land). I like the choice of "fugitive" as opposed to "refugee". It focuses more on what the child is running from as opposed to where he is running to.
This is magnificently written - the iambic pentameter, tight rhymes, and word choices ("dull orbs" among my favorites) give it the weight of solemnity, and the message puts a human face on a larger story.
Earlier tonight, I made the mistake of reading some of the comments to a xenophobic Facebook post urging Donald Trump to close mosques. Your poem contains the humanity that those comments lacked - thanks for supplying the antidote to that poison.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your very kind review, Mark, and for the six stars, together with your perceptive comments. Much appreciated! Tony
