My Book of Poems 2010-2017
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Family"a collection of my poetry
54 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
Isn't this the truth, ha ha. I came from 8 brothers, sisters, I like a large family. The girl my son also married has 9 kids now. I'm kinda glad he skipped that one, ha ha. This is wonderful, blessings....
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Isn't this the truth, ha ha. I came from 8 brothers, sisters, I like a large family. The girl my son also married has 9 kids now. I'm kinda glad he skipped that one, ha ha. This is wonderful, blessings....
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Karyn; thank you for stopping by to read and review. This was a fun poetic form to work with and the poem went with my latest story line. I appreciate your time and encouraging words,
~patty~
Comment from smerryman3
Ouch! That last line really transformed the picture of a happy, loving family to a much more savage climate. Unfortunately, many mother's do charge for their love, or at least their approval, and some kids see love and approval as the same thing. I liked that you potrayed both sides of the story.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Ouch! That last line really transformed the picture of a happy, loving family to a much more savage climate. Unfortunately, many mother's do charge for their love, or at least their approval, and some kids see love and approval as the same thing. I liked that you potrayed both sides of the story.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi; thank you so much for your encouraging review of this piece. As you can see, I've got families on my mind this weekend, and in some ways, this poem goes along with the story line I'm developing. Thank you for reading,
~patty~
Comment from Dean Kuch
Cool rhyme scheme in this poetic proclamation portraying the pitfalls of family ties, Patty.
Presented in a single stanza featuring a nine line form, in an a,a,b,c,c,b,d,d,b.
It reminds me a bit of a Novelinee
The novelinee, created by Sarah Rayburn, is a 9 line stanza derived from the Spencerian stanza but written in iambic pentameter or decasyllabic lines. If used as part of a sequence a variation of the closing line should be used as lead line for the next stanza. In the case of a closed novelinee the last stanza would end with a variation of the first line of the first stanza.
Stanza Rhyme Scheme: a, b, a, b, c, d, c, d, d.
Betrayal of Trust
From mists of Avalon she came in white
supernova who split my heart in two
and left untouched silence in endless night
no skyward star to guide my passage through.
While drinking wine I gave my love away
for whispered promises given out of lust,
believing hearts could breathe again today
my dreams now lie amid unwanted dust,
my heart shattered by betrayals of trust. ...
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Cool rhyme scheme in this poetic proclamation portraying the pitfalls of family ties, Patty.
Presented in a single stanza featuring a nine line form, in an a,a,b,c,c,b,d,d,b.
It reminds me a bit of a Novelinee
The novelinee, created by Sarah Rayburn, is a 9 line stanza derived from the Spencerian stanza but written in iambic pentameter or decasyllabic lines. If used as part of a sequence a variation of the closing line should be used as lead line for the next stanza. In the case of a closed novelinee the last stanza would end with a variation of the first line of the first stanza.
Stanza Rhyme Scheme: a, b, a, b, c, d, c, d, d.
From mists of Avalon she came in white
supernova who split my heart in two
and left untouched silence in endless night
no skyward star to guide my passage through.
While drinking wine I gave my love away
for whispered promises given out of lust,
believing hearts could breathe again today
my dreams now lie amid unwanted dust,
my heart shattered by betrayals of trust.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Dean; thank you so much for stopping by to read AND for the notes on yet another poetic form. I like the looks of this one; maybe I will give it a try soon.
Thanks for the encouragement, my friend,
~patty~
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You're very welcome, Patty.
Take care. :}
Comment from Patricia A. Shaw
This poem expresses the true meaning of keeping a family protected. I like the playful part at the end about a Mother. They are vital to the preservation of the family. I think you were referring to undying love. Very nicely done. Its nice to write about families. Very nice.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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This poem expresses the true meaning of keeping a family protected. I like the playful part at the end about a Mother. They are vital to the preservation of the family. I think you were referring to undying love. Very nicely done. Its nice to write about families. Very nice.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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thank you so much for your thoughtful and positive review.
~patty~
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Hmm... interesting to say the least. THat last line is almost scary. Siblings at each other's throats and a dictator for a mother. Not a happy home. Good job!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hmm... interesting to say the least. THat last line is almost scary. Siblings at each other's throats and a dictator for a mother. Not a happy home. Good job!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Phyllis; as you can see, the poem is following the train of thought for the story - I have families on the brain right now. Thank you for the thoughtful review,
~patty~
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
LOL you are so right in one form or another it is so very true.
Nice nove otto poem and the directions were followed perfectly
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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LOL you are so right in one form or another it is so very true.
Nice nove otto poem and the directions were followed perfectly
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Barb; thank you so much for the lovely review. I appreciate your encouraging words,
~patty~
Comment from DR DIP
Ah the old middle child syndrome. Am i loved as much as my brother or sister. It must be a common dilemma in all 3 child families but then again I suppose it can happen just between two siblings. Nice write as always
dip
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Ah the old middle child syndrome. Am i loved as much as my brother or sister. It must be a common dilemma in all 3 child families but then again I suppose it can happen just between two siblings. Nice write as always
dip
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi dip; thank you so much for the encouraging review. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.
~patty~
Comment from Bichon
Such a beautiful poem. Family means so much to everyone and is so important in this time. Your poem is very hopefully and lovely.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Such a beautiful poem. Family means so much to everyone and is so important in this time. Your poem is very hopefully and lovely.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Chloe; thank you so much for your encouraging review.
~patty~
Comment from kathleenspalding
Excellent Nove Otto poem tells a sad story and delivers an important message about the pitfalls parents fall into, creating unnecessary and lasting pain for their children. I remember my mom saying about her dysfunctional parents, "They were so ignorant!" :-(
Very well written. Did you want a closing quote mark after ....much as me?(")
that's it. Great job!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Excellent Nove Otto poem tells a sad story and delivers an important message about the pitfalls parents fall into, creating unnecessary and lasting pain for their children. I remember my mom saying about her dysfunctional parents, "They were so ignorant!" :-(
Very well written. Did you want a closing quote mark after ....much as me?(")
that's it. Great job!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Kathleen; thank you so much for the encouraging review. I purposely only included a closing quotation mark after the last bit of quote - the norm for running paragraphs of quotation is to only start the new paragraph with an opening quote. (Thank you for noticing.)
~patty~
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Oh, I thought there were two different people talking. The child asking about who's loved more, then the parent withholding love for obedience. My mistake. Sorry.
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no problem - thanks for reading!
~patty~
Comment from royowen
Well I think a mother's love should come without condition, without a cost, certainly my wife's love does. And through Christ I have been set free of that. Unless you mean a child should regard it that, a mother's love comes with honour. But a well constructed entry in this contest Patty, as all your writing does, a skilled technician you are. Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Well I think a mother's love should come without condition, without a cost, certainly my wife's love does. And through Christ I have been set free of that. Unless you mean a child should regard it that, a mother's love comes with honour. But a well constructed entry in this contest Patty, as all your writing does, a skilled technician you are. Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Roy; thank you so much for yet another encouraging review. I appreciate your kind words, and I'm glad you enjoy my writing,
~patty~
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Most welcome Patty
