Travesty of Justice
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Reliving the Past"Two people accused of a crime they didn't commit.
5 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, you write really well. I usually give most of my sixes early in the week to beginning writers as encouragement and to bolster their confidence. However, I couldn't be more glad to read this starting off the new week, while I'm still stocked up. I can hardly wait to read more. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Wow, you write really well. I usually give most of my sixes early in the week to beginning writers as encouragement and to bolster their confidence. However, I couldn't be more glad to read this starting off the new week, while I'm still stocked up. I can hardly wait to read more. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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You are too kind, thank you so much for such a wonderful review and for such encouraging words. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the book as much as you have these chapters. Take care and thank you so so much you made my week.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well certainly troubling times for Julia in this fraught chapter...
Few things I noticed as I read. Hope this is helpful-
I'm so lucky to have him. I think, trying to shake the horrible dream from my mind. - this should probably be all one sentence. as the thought comes first.
"Oh, honey," Feeling his strong - the dialogue here should end with a full stop rather than a comma.
"Thanks, Bill." Walking to the door, he turns back around. - here you have ones person's dialogue rolled into another person's actions. this can get confusing. It's best to keep them separate. Bill's actions should be on the next line next to his dialogue.
I know that physiatrists are bound to secrecy - psychiatrists?
Slamming on my breaks, I come to a screeching - brakes.
unobstructed by the sudden noise - maybe unaffected or oblivious here rather than unobstructed?
Just a little further, I think - generally farther is used for physical distance.
"I tried to sell it to the pawn shop, but they won't give me anything for it," he explains, handing me the weapon.
"My Grandpa bought it over fifty years ago. Isn't it pretty?" - you don't need a separate line for this piece of continuing dialogue, it could be run on after the previous sentence.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi there,
Well certainly troubling times for Julia in this fraught chapter...
Few things I noticed as I read. Hope this is helpful-
I'm so lucky to have him. I think, trying to shake the horrible dream from my mind. - this should probably be all one sentence. as the thought comes first.
"Oh, honey," Feeling his strong - the dialogue here should end with a full stop rather than a comma.
"Thanks, Bill." Walking to the door, he turns back around. - here you have ones person's dialogue rolled into another person's actions. this can get confusing. It's best to keep them separate. Bill's actions should be on the next line next to his dialogue.
I know that physiatrists are bound to secrecy - psychiatrists?
Slamming on my breaks, I come to a screeching - brakes.
unobstructed by the sudden noise - maybe unaffected or oblivious here rather than unobstructed?
Just a little further, I think - generally farther is used for physical distance.
"I tried to sell it to the pawn shop, but they won't give me anything for it," he explains, handing me the weapon.
"My Grandpa bought it over fifty years ago. Isn't it pretty?" - you don't need a separate line for this piece of continuing dialogue, it could be run on after the previous sentence.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review. Your suggestions are always helpful and greatly appreciated. Julia has to face a lot of altercations throughout the book. Fortunately, she's a strong, very determined woman.
Thanks again for your helpful review it's always nice to get your helpful advice.
I know I don't stand a chance against you in the book of the month competition yet, but someday I will.
Comment from Poetic Friend
Misty, I have been following your story. I can't believe you managed to keep the adrenaline going in each chapter, including this one.
While I am reading your stories, I am on the edge of my seat. You are such an excellent writer to have the ability to do such. No amateur in my humble opinion.
Now, I wondering what will happen now that the cops are involved.
Until the next chapter....
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Misty, I have been following your story. I can't believe you managed to keep the adrenaline going in each chapter, including this one.
While I am reading your stories, I am on the edge of my seat. You are such an excellent writer to have the ability to do such. No amateur in my humble opinion.
Now, I wondering what will happen now that the cops are involved.
Until the next chapter....
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. I can't find the words to express how much your review means to me. It makes all the hard work well worth it to read such a sweet review.
Thank you so, so much. Take care.
Comment from apky
I wish they'd just stop.(space)Oh, why can't I get them to stop, why?
Wow. This was riveting and so relatable. The para below says more than much:
"Turn around, face the car, hands on your head." Thousands of thoughts run through my mind as my body plows into the hot metal. Turning, I see more cops pulling in beside him, I then notice his revolver a few feet from my head. Spinning around, I grab the gun out of his hands. I start to tremble as I fumble with the device.
"Put the gun down, now!" The officer warns, reaching for another weapon. Looking around, I see the cops are quickly closing in.
It can't get more exciting.
Apky
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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I wish they'd just stop.(space)Oh, why can't I get them to stop, why?
Wow. This was riveting and so relatable. The para below says more than much:
"Turn around, face the car, hands on your head." Thousands of thoughts run through my mind as my body plows into the hot metal. Turning, I see more cops pulling in beside him, I then notice his revolver a few feet from my head. Spinning around, I grab the gun out of his hands. I start to tremble as I fumble with the device.
"Put the gun down, now!" The officer warns, reaching for another weapon. Looking around, I see the cops are quickly closing in.
It can't get more exciting.
Apky
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Thank you for such a nice review. I'm so gal you enjoyed it. I'll fix the problems right now.
Thank you again.Take care.
Comment from c_lucas
An interesting story line, but it falters near the end. It is never disclosed if she buys the knife from the stranger. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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An interesting story line, but it falters near the end. It is never disclosed if she buys the knife from the stranger. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Thank you for such a wonderful review, I am so glad you enjoyed it.
I'm sorry that you didn't see the part where Julia says "I'll take it." It's followed by a bunch of description so I can see where it'd be easy to miss. I think I'll move it down, make the line it stand out so others won't miss it too.
Thank you again for your sweet review and your insight, it's always appreciated, take care.
