Tree Climber
Iambic pentameter blank verse.70 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice photo and presentation.
-Author notes appreciated.
-I like your poem very much, Sis Cat.
-It depicts the photo, some of your life,
has wonderful imagery and thoughts.
-I like how you describe yourself in the tree:
"My rooted legs appear to branch like grafts
by stripes across my chest like bees abuzz."
-Then, you give us detail of some very difficult
aspects of your life, only to end with the
"Imagine" section, which I like very much.
-An excellent conclusion.
-Words are not enough to describe the
talent and feelings expressed in this poem.
-Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
  |
-Very nice photo and presentation.
-Author notes appreciated.
-I like your poem very much, Sis Cat.
-It depicts the photo, some of your life,
has wonderful imagery and thoughts.
-I like how you describe yourself in the tree:
"My rooted legs appear to branch like grafts
by stripes across my chest like bees abuzz."
-Then, you give us detail of some very difficult
aspects of your life, only to end with the
"Imagine" section, which I like very much.
-An excellent conclusion.
-Words are not enough to describe the
talent and feelings expressed in this poem.
-Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Pam, for your generous, six star review. My use of iambic pentameter blank verse inspired me to use words and phrases I would not have considered in either a free verse or rhymed poem.
"My rooted legs appear to branch like grafts
by stripes across my chest like bees abuzz."
are lines encouraged by my use of meter.
Thank you again for your enthusiastic review.
-
You are very welcome and deserving, Sis Cat. I am glad you were encouraged by using the meter to create this poem.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sis Cat,
This is an excellent attempt for your first blank verse
The strict rule on b v is no external or internal rhyme
(note: some feel that externals separated by a great distance are okay)
In the last two stanzas you have tree/me (perhaps use branch)
and you repeat boy in the first and last stanzas (perhaps use child at the end)
Internal in the last stanza: forever/forever and he/me
Whether you want to strictly adhere to b v is always the poets choice
Apart from that, this is a very fine poem
with vivid description and images
Wonderful poetry
I've used the concept of balance myself; you've done it exceptionally well
Excellent return to the "climbing" imagery in the last line, too.
Great picture.
Six stars for the content,
Well done, my friend
RS
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
|
Hello Sis Cat,
This is an excellent attempt for your first blank verse
The strict rule on b v is no external or internal rhyme
(note: some feel that externals separated by a great distance are okay)
In the last two stanzas you have tree/me (perhaps use branch)
and you repeat boy in the first and last stanzas (perhaps use child at the end)
Internal in the last stanza: forever/forever and he/me
Whether you want to strictly adhere to b v is always the poets choice
Apart from that, this is a very fine poem
with vivid description and images
Wonderful poetry
I've used the concept of balance myself; you've done it exceptionally well
Excellent return to the "climbing" imagery in the last line, too.
Great picture.
Six stars for the content,
Well done, my friend
RS
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, RS, for your detailed, six star review of my first attempt at blank verse. I never heard of those strict rules before. I am just learning, but they are good to know. Another reviewer brought that to my attention, too. I wanted to celebrate the richness of language to match the memories and the emotions evoked by my old family photo. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You told your story well in this style--one I could never master. I enjoyed reading it. The color scheme is perfect--just like the black/white pictures of old.
I have not read your story about the arson involving your front porch. But that is despicable.
Thank you for the fun reminiscing story. Jan
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
 |
You told your story well in this style--one I could never master. I enjoyed reading it. The color scheme is perfect--just like the black/white pictures of old.
I have not read your story about the arson involving your front porch. But that is despicable.
Thank you for the fun reminiscing story. Jan
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
-
Thank you, Jan, for your review of my story told in verse. This is my first blank verse and it took me five days to write. They are hard to master but fun and worthwhile. I hope you try writing one. Thanks again.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
When my sons were four and two the were climbing a tree beside the house. I was in the living room reading when I heard a loud thud. "What was that?" I yelled the two-year-old said, "Chris fell out of the tree."
I ran outside. The boys started laughing so hard they almost fell out of the tree. The two-year-old had carried a brick up the tree and threw it down on the driveway.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
When my sons were four and two the were climbing a tree beside the house. I was in the living room reading when I heard a loud thud. "What was that?" I yelled the two-year-old said, "Chris fell out of the tree."
I ran outside. The boys started laughing so hard they almost fell out of the tree. The two-year-old had carried a brick up the tree and threw it down on the driveway.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Wow, Thomas, what a falling-from-tree memory! You should write a poem about that. Thank you sharing and for your review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Andre, this is a beautiful poem you have written taking it from a long ago family photo. It's framed in your mind and then you compose a beautiful poem. I wish I had six and it would be yours. A joy to read. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
Hi Andre, this is a beautiful poem you have written taking it from a long ago family photo. It's framed in your mind and then you compose a beautiful poem. I wish I had six and it would be yours. A joy to read. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Ulla, for your generous review. When I rediscovered that photo two weeks ago in a family photo album, I was stunned by its beauty and poignancy. Thanks again.
Comment from nomi338
The ability to look at old photos, recall what was going on both physically and mentally as well, is a gift not given to many. Even more rare is the ability to express it in a manner that is truly poetic, understandable and relate-able. Good work.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
The ability to look at old photos, recall what was going on both physically and mentally as well, is a gift not given to many. Even more rare is the ability to express it in a manner that is truly poetic, understandable and relate-able. Good work.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, nomi338, for your review. I impressed myself by being able to express my recollections so poetically.
-
Good for you. You are a gifted writer who has impressed me greatly.
Comment from Pantygynt
We don't see enough blank verse on this site. i imagine it is because many are frightened of meter, or rather are frightened of getting the meter wrong. This is beautifully done although, were it a contest someone would take you to task for the assonance between home and alone. The laugh is that it would probably be the same person who would complain, if you used the pairing in a rhyming poem, that it was not a rhyme.
I think this is an excellent piece of blank verse both technically and artistically as well. My last six is weighing heavy in my purse so you shall have it happily for this.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
We don't see enough blank verse on this site. i imagine it is because many are frightened of meter, or rather are frightened of getting the meter wrong. This is beautifully done although, were it a contest someone would take you to task for the assonance between home and alone. The laugh is that it would probably be the same person who would complain, if you used the pairing in a rhyming poem, that it was not a rhyme.
I think this is an excellent piece of blank verse both technically and artistically as well. My last six is weighing heavy in my purse so you shall have it happily for this.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Jim, for granting me your last six star review of the week. Yes, we don't see enough of blank verse on FS because poets are frightened of meter. How often have we read the author's notes of rhymed poems in which the poet apologizes for the lack of meter. The poets place all of the emphasis on the end rhyme and not much on the words leading up to them. Writing my first blank verse, I learned so much about the richness of the language. It pushed me to use words, poetic forms, and imagery I would not have tried if I had written either free verse or rhymed poetry. I am sorry that a lot of poets are missing out on this.
Thank you again for your review.
Comment from livelylinda
Sis Cat: fabulous words my writing friend. As we age, there is so much to look back upon. We remember our youthful goals and dreams and measure how close we came to realizing our goals. But, it all comes back in the tree we climbed and how strong and brave we felt then . . . where did it all go? Lovely read. livelylinda
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
Sis Cat: fabulous words my writing friend. As we age, there is so much to look back upon. We remember our youthful goals and dreams and measure how close we came to realizing our goals. But, it all comes back in the tree we climbed and how strong and brave we felt then . . . where did it all go? Lovely read. livelylinda
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, livelylinda, for your generous, six star review. I get teary eyed when I look at that picture. It's hard to believe that he was me. I am thrilled to have shared my fabulous words and memories with you. Thanks again.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Andre; this is beautiful. You take the tale from the two dimensional photograph and flesh it out in all of its 3-D forms. Telling us of the boy who was and wondering if he had any idea at that point in time of the man who you would become. Well done,
~patty~
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
Hi Andre; this is beautiful. You take the tale from the two dimensional photograph and flesh it out in all of its 3-D forms. Telling us of the boy who was and wondering if he had any idea at that point in time of the man who you would become. Well done,
~patty~
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Patty, for your generous review. I am glad I fleshed out the tale of the boy I once was. Thanks again.
Comment from Bill Schott
This capture of a moment, on both film and in your poetic memoir, air memorably related within this blank verse.
alliteration...memories invade my mind
simile... fear enveloped me like fire
personification... within this tree's embrace
Forever free, forever young, the boy
within a black-and-white memento plays.
Reminiscient of "Ode on a Grecian Urn" as the characters are forever young and in a state of anticipation
Very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
|
This capture of a moment, on both film and in your poetic memoir, air memorably related within this blank verse.
alliteration...memories invade my mind
simile... fear enveloped me like fire
personification... within this tree's embrace
Forever free, forever young, the boy
within a black-and-white memento plays.
Reminiscient of "Ode on a Grecian Urn" as the characters are forever young and in a state of anticipation
Very enjoyable.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Bill, for your generous, detailed review of my blank verse and the techniques I used. I will check out "Ode on a Grecian Urn." Thanks.
