Family Poems and Stories 2010-2017
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Power Outage"...musings on us
40 total reviews
Comment from XGoneX
Hi Patty,
A beautiful love story. I could connect with the characters, specially with the woman, and it was easy to feel the way she felt. What a wonderful partner she had, and it was a lovely night in spite of the pesky weather and darkness. The prose reads well.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Hi Patty,
A beautiful love story. I could connect with the characters, specially with the woman, and it was easy to feel the way she felt. What a wonderful partner she had, and it was a lovely night in spite of the pesky weather and darkness. The prose reads well.
Comment Written 29-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Hi; thank you so much for reading this story. I love your review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
~patty~
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A joy to read and this story reminds me of my electricity going off just as I was about to go to bed and I reached for my phone to light my way to the electric box! As I live alone I did not have the pleasure of snuggling into someone's arms! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-May-2017
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A joy to read and this story reminds me of my electricity going off just as I was about to go to bed and I reached for my phone to light my way to the electric box! As I live alone I did not have the pleasure of snuggling into someone's arms! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-May-2017
reply by the author on 29-May-2017
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Hi Dolly; thank you for the review of this piece. Writing this was so much fun; the power has been coming and going as we suffer through our spring storms,
~patty~
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This happens here without a storm!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very cute and sweet story you have penned. I like what you said about how a person and their love can be of great comfort. That is so true. Great wording and imagery. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 29-May-2017
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This is a very cute and sweet story you have penned. I like what you said about how a person and their love can be of great comfort. That is so true. Great wording and imagery. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 29-May-2017
reply by the author on 29-May-2017
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Hi Teri; thank you so much for your time to read and review. I'm glad you liked the story,
~patty~
Comment from mbroyles2
A great scene where something as scary as a power outage and rain storm.
This couple found a way to cope and it is heartwarming.
Great writing.
Michael
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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A great scene where something as scary as a power outage and rain storm.
This couple found a way to cope and it is heartwarming.
Great writing.
Michael
Comment Written 28-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi Michael; thank you for the nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed it,
~patty~
Comment from Mabaker
What a lovely story. You get six stars for it. The world is such a sad place, how nice to go to sleep in someone's arms as they tell you a story. I have to write my own and yes I do have a reader on my computer so I turn it on but I don't go to sleep. Sincerely Anne
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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What a lovely story. You get six stars for it. The world is such a sad place, how nice to go to sleep in someone's arms as they tell you a story. I have to write my own and yes I do have a reader on my computer so I turn it on but I don't go to sleep. Sincerely Anne
Comment Written 28-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi Anne; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am humbled by the six stars. This was a special story to tell,
~patty~
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good story. I would feel better if my hubby came home too.
The apartment only had one window
The apartment had only one window --- should say this
Don't worry, we will think of something.
Don't worry, we'll think of something. --- Use contractions in dialogue, for it's how people speak. I notice that you use some, but not enough. Some sentences sound stilted and unnatural because of it. To know HOW to write dialogue, say the words aloud as if you were the person.
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Good story. I would feel better if my hubby came home too.
The apartment only had one window
The apartment had only one window --- should say this
Don't worry, we will think of something.
Don't worry, we'll think of something. --- Use contractions in dialogue, for it's how people speak. I notice that you use some, but not enough. Some sentences sound stilted and unnatural because of it. To know HOW to write dialogue, say the words aloud as if you were the person.
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi Phyllis; thank you so much for the review, and for your helpful tips. I made the edits you suggested, and I will continue to work on my use of dialogue.
~patty~
Comment from Sallyo
Understated storytelling here with no character names, no news on whether the driver survived and no specific info on what's wrong with the POV character. I'm assuming anxiety disorder rather that schizophrenia.
only had one window
had only one window
the Weasley's house and
the Weasleys' house and
Well done in the meticulous detail in what keeps running through her mind. On a broader note, how we have been encouraged to depend on electricity!
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Understated storytelling here with no character names, no news on whether the driver survived and no specific info on what's wrong with the POV character. I'm assuming anxiety disorder rather that schizophrenia.
only had one window
had only one window
the Weasley's house and
the Weasleys' house and
Well done in the meticulous detail in what keeps running through her mind. On a broader note, how we have been encouraged to depend on electricity!
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi there; thank you so much for your thorough and concise review of this piece. I went and made the edits you pointed out, and wondered if the piece might be too understated? Or is it simply a style thing? (Let me know what you think, please.)
Oh, and you were right on with the anxiety disorder,
~patty~
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No, I think it's right the way it is. The whole point is the POV character's perception IS the story. There is no drama, other than the crash, and that is a catalyst. There doesn't need to be drama with Anxiety disorder. Every day is a challenge.
Comment from royowen
I have been married now for something like forty plus years, and my wife has always been a devoted loving wife. Mother, and now grandmother, and.yes, the summer of our lives together brings much comfort, so yes, combined with my faith in an ever faithful, loving God, there's nothing that can't be overcome! Well done, Patty, thank you for pointing that out, well done, good post, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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I have been married now for something like forty plus years, and my wife has always been a devoted loving wife. Mother, and now grandmother, and.yes, the summer of our lives together brings much comfort, so yes, combined with my faith in an ever faithful, loving God, there's nothing that can't be overcome! Well done, Patty, thank you for pointing that out, well done, good post, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi Roy; thank you so much for your lovely review of this piece. I enjoy writing about love and all its many wonders. The six star rating means a great deal to me,
~patty~
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Most welcome Patty
Comment from wondertwin
Power Outage was a sweet and entertaining story to read. Good beginning paragraph setting the scene. I always enjoy reading the 'feel good' stories. Blessings, AmyJo
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Power Outage was a sweet and entertaining story to read. Good beginning paragraph setting the scene. I always enjoy reading the 'feel good' stories. Blessings, AmyJo
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi AmyJo; thank you for the lovely review of this short story. Writing about love is a special treat I give to myself.
~patty~
Comment from bookishfabler
After Hurricane Matthew, our power was out a few days. During the day I read by the window and at night, I read by Coleman lamp. Basically I got caught up on my book.
I remember on vacation in Jamaica with my first husband, The resort had no television on purpose, however it was during the time of the Gulf War, and I guess some people complained and later that day we returned to our gorgeous room, and there it was. Funny, but I was hoping to not have one. A whole week without watching those missiles would have been wonderful. THis reminded me a little of that, because we actually read the bible that day. LOL.
Hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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After Hurricane Matthew, our power was out a few days. During the day I read by the window and at night, I read by Coleman lamp. Basically I got caught up on my book.
I remember on vacation in Jamaica with my first husband, The resort had no television on purpose, however it was during the time of the Gulf War, and I guess some people complained and later that day we returned to our gorgeous room, and there it was. Funny, but I was hoping to not have one. A whole week without watching those missiles would have been wonderful. THis reminded me a little of that, because we actually read the bible that day. LOL.
Hugs Heidi
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi Heidi; thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate you sharing your memories with me. It is interesting the things we will do when faced without electricity or television.
~patty~
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I love to read, obviously. And we cooked on our Coleman grill. Kinda fun. Even made coffee on it.
