Legs
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Chapter 7: Beth's Anguish"Follow-up to Astatula
6 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
Mr. West,
I was very surprised at this piece. I have been admiring your expertise in your others and very impressed with your writing, but I kept thinking, this is not the same author. To me, it sounds like a man writing a woman's POV. "A dollop of Chanel"? You might say a "dollop" of mustard, or something, but not Chanel. And how do you "step radiantly"?
I"m sorry. I just felt there were several things you said that a woman writing about a woman wouldn't have. It didn't ring true. Again, I'm sorry.
pome lover
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Mr. West,
I was very surprised at this piece. I have been admiring your expertise in your others and very impressed with your writing, but I kept thinking, this is not the same author. To me, it sounds like a man writing a woman's POV. "A dollop of Chanel"? You might say a "dollop" of mustard, or something, but not Chanel. And how do you "step radiantly"?
I"m sorry. I just felt there were several things you said that a woman writing about a woman wouldn't have. It didn't ring true. Again, I'm sorry.
pome lover
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
In this Scene One, author speaks, a shivery night breeze waves along the street, Beth visits Astatula, she thinks of Sheriff, Cody and Brock Daniels about reconciliation; I liked.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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In this Scene One, author speaks, a shivery night breeze waves along the street, Beth visits Astatula, she thinks of Sheriff, Cody and Brock Daniels about reconciliation; I liked.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Sanku
This is the first time I am reading this .I liked the evocative style of your writing
ayou show a firm grip on the language and the writing poetically flows smoothly.
I will try to read the previous posting so that i can follow your story.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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This is the first time I am reading this .I liked the evocative style of your writing
ayou show a firm grip on the language and the writing poetically flows smoothly.
I will try to read the previous posting so that i can follow your story.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Cmelton
Great story here. You have a lot of tension and questions in this short chapter. There is so much movement with your main character that it really moves the story forward. Great job.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Great story here. You have a lot of tension and questions in this short chapter. There is so much movement with your main character that it really moves the story forward. Great job.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from planetjanet
Hi, Brett,
You have a highly detailed start to this chapter, and build a lot of suspense asking questions of the impending encounter.
You have a few misspellings: advant-garde s/b avant-garde, whoosed I think you mean whooshed.
You also have a case of redundancy, "exposed her bare left shoulder" -- if her left shoulder is exposed, doesn't that imply that her left shoulder is bared?
This is Chapter 7, and I have not read any other chapter, so a short backstory might be helpful so I know where I am in the book, or have some idea about what "Astatula" is in the chapter description - you don't mention it in the content. Given that, take my review with a grain of salt, as this chapter doesn't have much happening in it but a lady dressing and going to wait outside a restaurant, and the narrator asking questions. As a reader, I don't want to be told what to question or look forward to of the plot - "show, don't tell" comes to mind. It would make a great promotion for the book, if this is what the entire work focuses on.
(Some good ad content: Would they be able to reconcile? ...Could the fractured fetters be repaired? Would Brock Daniels restore her back to where she belonged? ...Would he even be there to meet her at all? ...Would Cody forgive her for deserting him? ...could Beth forgive herself for all the distress she'd caused the three of them in her moment of weakness?)
So, please forgive the Four Stars, you're a good writer, and it sounds like the next chapter will have something happen, but half of this chapter is just an advertisement for other content in the book.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Hi, Brett,
You have a highly detailed start to this chapter, and build a lot of suspense asking questions of the impending encounter.
You have a few misspellings: advant-garde s/b avant-garde, whoosed I think you mean whooshed.
You also have a case of redundancy, "exposed her bare left shoulder" -- if her left shoulder is exposed, doesn't that imply that her left shoulder is bared?
This is Chapter 7, and I have not read any other chapter, so a short backstory might be helpful so I know where I am in the book, or have some idea about what "Astatula" is in the chapter description - you don't mention it in the content. Given that, take my review with a grain of salt, as this chapter doesn't have much happening in it but a lady dressing and going to wait outside a restaurant, and the narrator asking questions. As a reader, I don't want to be told what to question or look forward to of the plot - "show, don't tell" comes to mind. It would make a great promotion for the book, if this is what the entire work focuses on.
(Some good ad content: Would they be able to reconcile? ...Could the fractured fetters be repaired? Would Brock Daniels restore her back to where she belonged? ...Would he even be there to meet her at all? ...Would Cody forgive her for deserting him? ...could Beth forgive herself for all the distress she'd caused the three of them in her moment of weakness?)
So, please forgive the Four Stars, you're a good writer, and it sounds like the next chapter will have something happen, but half of this chapter is just an advertisement for other content in the book.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow another adventure in the lives of these three people we have come to love and admire. their troubles and decisions maybe more than we make in a lifetime, but none the less they are family
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Wow another adventure in the lives of these three people we have come to love and admire. their troubles and decisions maybe more than we make in a lifetime, but none the less they are family
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
