Nancy
...a different kind of story54 total reviews
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Oh yes, this is definitely a different kind of story but it is a good story, sad but a reality to many in this gigantic world we live in. You described it all so well too. This is what happens when we give up on ourselves and everyone around us gives up on us too. Of course, in Nancy's case she didn't really have anyone anyway, her husband had abandoned her, it seems, with his job and possibly some affair. It was eventual for her.
I wished that Nancy had gotten dressed up really nice, that evening, and when her husband said that he was not coming home until next week, and went out to meet him where ever he was. Me...I would have went out there and waited for him at his hotel or office. (lol) Yes I am really crazy like that.
Good write, Patty...Very real.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Oh yes, this is definitely a different kind of story but it is a good story, sad but a reality to many in this gigantic world we live in. You described it all so well too. This is what happens when we give up on ourselves and everyone around us gives up on us too. Of course, in Nancy's case she didn't really have anyone anyway, her husband had abandoned her, it seems, with his job and possibly some affair. It was eventual for her.
I wished that Nancy had gotten dressed up really nice, that evening, and when her husband said that he was not coming home until next week, and went out to meet him where ever he was. Me...I would have went out there and waited for him at his hotel or office. (lol) Yes I am really crazy like that.
Good write, Patty...Very real.
Comment Written 26-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Hi Tier; thank you so much for reading this 'different kind' of piece from me. It was so much fun to take my writing in a totally different direction. I was inspired to write this after watching a documentary about alcoholism among housewives in the United States,
~patty~
Comment from Elizabeth Daniels
Very dark indeed. At least the story had dogs and cats mentioned in it. lol A sad existence. I am sure there are many real people in those situations. I would hope they would find a better way out than the woman in your story. I thought you painted a very vivid picture of her hopelessness.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Very dark indeed. At least the story had dogs and cats mentioned in it. lol A sad existence. I am sure there are many real people in those situations. I would hope they would find a better way out than the woman in your story. I thought you painted a very vivid picture of her hopelessness.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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thank you so much for reading and reviewing this 'different kind of story' from me. I like that you caught the part about the dogs and cats - I couldn't resist.
I was inspired to write this story after watching a documentary about the growing problem of alcoholism in housewives. Hopefully, not all stories will end this bleakly.
~patty~
Comment from scongrove
Your story was dark, but it definitely sparked my attention. I usually don't have time to read here on FanStory, due to work and my own writing, but today I found some free time. After reading your post, I'm glad I did.
I do enjoy a happy ending story, but I also find myself captivated by some darker writing as well.
I found myself feeling sorry for your character Nancy. You did a fantastic job setting the story and pulling the reader into her world. I could even visually imagine every detail you described. That's definitely important to me. If I cannot visualize what the author is writing, I usually cannot read on. I hope I find more time to stop in and read more of your stories. I found this very captivating. Great job!
Shana :)
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Your story was dark, but it definitely sparked my attention. I usually don't have time to read here on FanStory, due to work and my own writing, but today I found some free time. After reading your post, I'm glad I did.
I do enjoy a happy ending story, but I also find myself captivated by some darker writing as well.
I found myself feeling sorry for your character Nancy. You did a fantastic job setting the story and pulling the reader into her world. I could even visually imagine every detail you described. That's definitely important to me. If I cannot visualize what the author is writing, I usually cannot read on. I hope I find more time to stop in and read more of your stories. I found this very captivating. Great job!
Shana :)
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Hi Shana; thank you so much for such a glowing review! I'm glad you stopped by and read this particular piece. I usually write stories from a dog's perspective and while they are very entertaining and I have a following, and now a few sales, I was happy to spread my wings a bit.
I do appreciate your time and warm words of encouragement,
~patty~
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It was my pleasure, patty. :)
Comment from Mai Mai
This was an interesting piece. While I would have like you to have done a little less telling and a little more showing, I still enjoyed the piece very much. It was very well written and there are no spags. Good job and good luck.
Mai Mai
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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This was an interesting piece. While I would have like you to have done a little less telling and a little more showing, I still enjoyed the piece very much. It was very well written and there are no spags. Good job and good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Hi Mai Mai; I appreciate your time to read and review. I am glad you found the piece enjoyable. I will continue to work on 'showing' and not 'telling.' I do it well in my pet stories, but stumble with other tales.
~patty~
Comment from Mabaker
We all prove we can write a different way when we step outside our usual style.
Really quite a good piece of writing, it kept me reading and though most of it I thought I saw, the end was unexpected. Regards Anne.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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We all prove we can write a different way when we step outside our usual style.
Really quite a good piece of writing, it kept me reading and though most of it I thought I saw, the end was unexpected. Regards Anne.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Hi Anne; I'm glad you found the story interesting and it caught you off guard. I was inspired to write this piece after watching a documentary about the growing problem of alcoholism in housewives.
~patty~
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
After reading this, I find it to be a good story.
Very interesting.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
I see NO need for improvement.
Great artwork: The image shown supports the story. The photo of the bottle of vodka is a perfect example of the topic discussed.
--When I first saw the image, it reminded me of my ex. That's the number one reason for our breakup. I could NOT and refused to compete with his addiction to alcohol.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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After reading this, I find it to be a good story.
Very interesting.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
I see NO need for improvement.
Great artwork: The image shown supports the story. The photo of the bottle of vodka is a perfect example of the topic discussed.
--When I first saw the image, it reminded me of my ex. That's the number one reason for our breakup. I could NOT and refused to compete with his addiction to alcohol.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi Nicole; thank you so much for your thorough and thoughtful review. I'm sorry to hear about your ex - living with an alcoholic is NOT any fun at all.
~patty~
Comment from planetjanet
This is really good, I wouldn't know it is not your particular type of story. It has perfect plot conflict; the intro, gradual build up, climax and drop to the end is flawless form.
The only suggestion for improvement is the tiny repetition in the beginning: "there wasn't a jazz station in their area. Sometimes she hated living in the rural area of New Jersey." It only caught my eye because I instantly wondered who the other part(s) of "their" was. You say "area" twice, so I don't think its necessary to identify rural New Jersey as an area.
Great topic, too, not many people recognize that loneliness can lead to that downfall, and that Captain Morgan is not a person, or replacement for one, but so often is the easiest vice and readily available poison to fill a void.
Thanks very much for stepping outside of your normal flow, it really showcases your talent.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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This is really good, I wouldn't know it is not your particular type of story. It has perfect plot conflict; the intro, gradual build up, climax and drop to the end is flawless form.
The only suggestion for improvement is the tiny repetition in the beginning: "there wasn't a jazz station in their area. Sometimes she hated living in the rural area of New Jersey." It only caught my eye because I instantly wondered who the other part(s) of "their" was. You say "area" twice, so I don't think its necessary to identify rural New Jersey as an area.
Great topic, too, not many people recognize that loneliness can lead to that downfall, and that Captain Morgan is not a person, or replacement for one, but so often is the easiest vice and readily available poison to fill a void.
Thanks very much for stepping outside of your normal flow, it really showcases your talent.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi; thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your thorough and concise remarks. I went back to look at the part at the beginning you spoke of. I made a few adjustments--thank you for pointing out that it could read better.
Your warm words of encouragement are a blessing to me,
~patty~
Comment from Pquack
And prove yourself you did! Wow, this was gripping on so many levels for me. My husband is from Jersey so I loved the location. This was intense and sad but I could not stop reading. I think that there are more husbands and wives that feel like this on a daily basis than we will ever truly know and it's sad. I just wish everyone knew that they are precious and worth something. Thank you for this it was a great read!
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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And prove yourself you did! Wow, this was gripping on so many levels for me. My husband is from Jersey so I loved the location. This was intense and sad but I could not stop reading. I think that there are more husbands and wives that feel like this on a daily basis than we will ever truly know and it's sad. I just wish everyone knew that they are precious and worth something. Thank you for this it was a great read!
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi; I'm so glad you were able to read the story in spite of the subject matter. I wrote this after watching a documentary on alcoholism among women. I was surprised by the statistics.
Where in Jersey is your husband from? I grew up in Old Bridge - Exit 9 off the Jersey Turnpike,
~patty~
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My husband was born in Newark where hi s father was police captain and then was moved to middletown where he was raised and my mother in law still lives there. I got to visit for the first time two years ago and I LOVED IT! He showed me around town and we ate chowder at the Keyport fishery and the best pizza I have ever had from a place called Romeo's! I am in love with Jersey and were it not so expensive to live there we would move :)
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I worked at the Dunkin Donuts in Middletown back in the 70s!
It is pretty up in that part of the state,
~p~
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LMBO you do not look old enough to have worked anywhere in the 70's :) just sayin. Have a great one!
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awww - thank you. On my next birthday, I will be 59. Thank goodness for great genes!
~patty~
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Holy cow, would NEVER have known :)
Comment from Ulla
Hi Patty, I hate to give you a four because now you'll think I do it because you gave me a four. But that is not the case. The storyline is very good and tragic. It's a sad story of a marriage falling apart, and the wife finding herself being an attachment until she embarrass him with her drinking.
However, you contradict yourself at various places. You write that she never drank before noon. Then you go on to say she stopped as soon as he called. What happened between noon and when he called? That needs expanding on.
Then you go on to say she doesn't drink before ten. A minute ago it was noon. It's a bit confusing. And then all of a sudden, John is not coming home before ten in the evening. It needs a transition here.
I'm sorry as I very rarely give a four. I think a five can be given with a few corrections, which is much more encouraging for the writer. But there are just too many contradictions in this otherwise well written piece. I will be happy to restore the star if you edit. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi Patty, I hate to give you a four because now you'll think I do it because you gave me a four. But that is not the case. The storyline is very good and tragic. It's a sad story of a marriage falling apart, and the wife finding herself being an attachment until she embarrass him with her drinking.
However, you contradict yourself at various places. You write that she never drank before noon. Then you go on to say she stopped as soon as he called. What happened between noon and when he called? That needs expanding on.
Then you go on to say she doesn't drink before ten. A minute ago it was noon. It's a bit confusing. And then all of a sudden, John is not coming home before ten in the evening. It needs a transition here.
I'm sorry as I very rarely give a four. I think a five can be given with a few corrections, which is much more encouraging for the writer. But there are just too many contradictions in this otherwise well written piece. I will be happy to restore the star if you edit. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi Ulla; it is okay if you give me a four star. It is your opinion and we all have them. The use of the times she started and stopped drinking has to do with her reactions to John's whims. She drinks during the day, and then stops when she knows he is on his way home.
The changes in his time of arriving home have to do with the passing of time and his continuing disregard for leaving her alone for so long.
I'm sorry you saw them as contradictions - everyone else saw I was describing the disenigration of her life and the marriage,
~patty~
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Okay, I understand that, but if you read it over one thing doesn't follow the other. Some words needed to make it flow better. Just my opinion, of course. :))
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Wow my friend this is well written you bring Nancy's feelings through so well she was lonely and depressed as all she wanted was to be loved her days were so mundane a little e4xitement and attention well done I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Wow my friend this is well written you bring Nancy's feelings through so well she was lonely and depressed as all she wanted was to be loved her days were so mundane a little e4xitement and attention well done I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi Jill; thank you so much for reading this piece about Nancy. I wrote this story after watching a documentary about how alcoholism is effecting so many women today. Its legal, and they are frustrated with their lives. I took this to the extreme to call attention to the problem,
~patty~
