haiku (dead bird nestles)
Awaiting street cleaning day or a hungry cat.61 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
thank you for sharing your nature haiku. Thank you more for NOT sharing a picture of a dead bird! You seem to have met the requirements of this prompt and I wish you well in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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thank you for sharing your nature haiku. Thank you more for NOT sharing a picture of a dead bird! You seem to have met the requirements of this prompt and I wish you well in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Patty, for your review and contest well wishes. The picture is of a dead bird. I saw it in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a sad but true haiku about the death of a birds. Birds are still bright and colorful in death.
Hope you did well in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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This is a sad but true haiku about the death of a birds. Birds are still bright and colorful in death.
Hope you did well in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Yes, DP, when I saw this bird, probably a red-necked woodpecker, in the gutter two weeks ago, I was so stunned by its serenity and beauty that I took two pictures to use for a later poem. This is the results. Thank you for your review and for wishing me contest success.
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You're welcome on both accounts.
Joan
Comment from William Ross
tweet sweeper, hahaha,that's bad but well thought of. works out well. Thanks for the laugh and best of luck with this in the contest. have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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tweet sweeper, hahaha,that's bad but well thought of. works out well. Thanks for the laugh and best of luck with this in the contest. have a wonderful day
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, William, for your glowing review. It took me seven drafts to come up with that tweet sweeper line. I am glad it made you laugh.. Thank you also for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from sunao
Beautiful poem. I like the image that you used too. This made me think of the various birds that are chirping in their nests this Spring. Thank you so much for writing this. Please keep up the good work and have a lovely day.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Beautiful poem. I like the image that you used too. This made me think of the various birds that are chirping in their nests this Spring. Thank you so much for writing this. Please keep up the good work and have a lovely day.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Thank you, Sunao, for your review. Two weeks ago during my morning jog I spotted this dead woodpecker in the gutter by my home. It looked beautiful and serene as if it was sleeping, but I knew it was not. I took two pictures of it because I saw it as a potential poem idea. The results are the haiku and picture you just viewed. Thanks again. I'll keep up the good work.
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You are so welcome!
Comment from Elijah Davis
Very well done my friend! Wise choice of words to tell a story with the limited Haiku format. Makes me think that we all have to keep on keeping on! Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Very well done my friend! Wise choice of words to tell a story with the limited Haiku format. Makes me think that we all have to keep on keeping on! Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Yes, Elijah, we have to keep on keeping on. Two weeks ago during my morning jog I spotted this dead woodpecker in the gutter by my home. It looked beautiful and serene as if it was sleeping, but I knew it was not. I did not have time to stand over the dead bird to compose a haiku, so I took two pictures to use later, and resumed my walk. Thanks you for your review..
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. The dead bird was nestled in the gutter at sunrise, sweeps away all other tweets for the day. A great photo to accompany your poem, good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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A very well-written haiku. The dead bird was nestled in the gutter at sunrise, sweeps away all other tweets for the day. A great photo to accompany your poem, good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, for your review and contest well wishes. Two weeks ago during my morning jog I spotted this dead woodpecker in the gutter by my home. It looked beautiful and serene as if it was sleeping, but I knew it was not. I took two pictures of it because I saw it as a potential poem idea. The results are the haiku and picture you just viewed. Thanks again.
Comment from Ogden
I think dead birds don't nestle, and 'tweet sweepers' won't win votes. But - I love your 'explanation.'
Consider revising to 'Awaiting street cleaning or hungry cat'.
Don (aka Ogden)
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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I think dead birds don't nestle, and 'tweet sweepers' won't win votes. But - I love your 'explanation.'
Consider revising to 'Awaiting street cleaning or hungry cat'.
Don (aka Ogden)
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Don, for your review. While my "tweet sweepers" line may not win votes, it won a lot of laughs among reviewers. Laughs are fine with me. As for the dead woodpecker I found in the gutter, it was no longer there the next day when I took my walk. I speculate a hungry cat ate it during the night before the street sweeper can get it. Thanks again.
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No offense intended. I was trying to be helpful by offering that potential punchline satori.
Don
Comment from oliver818
I enjoyed your haiku, it short but powerful. The imagery is very touching and it has a deep sadness to it. Thanks for sharing and best of luck with the competition. Have a great day
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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I enjoyed your haiku, it short but powerful. The imagery is very touching and it has a deep sadness to it. Thanks for sharing and best of luck with the competition. Have a great day
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Thank you, Oliver, for your review and for wishing me the best in the contest. I am glad you enjoyed my haiku.
Comment from KL Williams
I thought a haiku had syllables of 5-7-5, but the instructions say "17 or less"... so I guess that will fly, unlike the bird (Ha!). I enjoyed your haiku, it was clever, and the imagery was there. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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I thought a haiku had syllables of 5-7-5, but the instructions say "17 or less"... so I guess that will fly, unlike the bird (Ha!). I enjoyed your haiku, it was clever, and the imagery was there. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Yes, KL Williams, unlike the bird in my poem, haiku of less than seventeen syllables flies. In the most minimalist haiku in the world, one poet wrote the word "tundra" on a white sheet of paper. That's it.
Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Some... er... 'nice' imagery in this one.
Interesting and amusing play on words in the final line.
I sort of feel you could connect the first and second line more as it feels a little disjointed. (maybe in to start the second line?)
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Hi there,
Some... er... 'nice' imagery in this one.
Interesting and amusing play on words in the final line.
I sort of feel you could connect the first and second line more as it feels a little disjointed. (maybe in to start the second line?)
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Yes, G., "in" connected the first line with the second better. Thank you for your review and suggestion.
