haiku (dead bird nestles)
Awaiting street cleaning day or a hungry cat.61 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
A fun play on words by way of a satori line raises this above the ordinary. Good selection of words puts the syllable count well inside the maximum limit while creating the necessary grammatical construction.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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A fun play on words by way of a satori line raises this above the ordinary. Good selection of words puts the syllable count well inside the maximum limit while creating the necessary grammatical construction.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Jim, for your review of my haiku with its fun play on words. I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
Comment from MaggieF
Sad picture, beautiful bird. Your first line makes it seem cosy, as if the bird is nestling down, the word 'gutter' alerts us that nothing good is going to come of this, third line confirms it. Sad but necessary. MaggieF
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Sad picture, beautiful bird. Your first line makes it seem cosy, as if the bird is nestling down, the word 'gutter' alerts us that nothing good is going to come of this, third line confirms it. Sad but necessary. MaggieF
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Maggie, for your review. I love the stark contrast between "nestles" and "gutter." I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Clever and unusual Haiku, dark and of course in keeping with the writers usual style, fantastic and clever twist at the ending, superb kindest regards and good luck Meia :)
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Clever and unusual Haiku, dark and of course in keeping with the writers usual style, fantastic and clever twist at the ending, superb kindest regards and good luck Meia :)
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your review and wishing me success in the contest. I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi - well written haiku with lines one and two interconnecting perfectly and your line three is a good and clever satori. This shows a sadder side of nature which is ever present amongst us. Well done - good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Hi - well written haiku with lines one and two interconnecting perfectly and your line three is a good and clever satori. This shows a sadder side of nature which is ever present amongst us. Well done - good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Dorothy, for your review and for wishing me success in the contest. I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Rasmine
Good luck in the contest.
This reminds me of two pigeons I saw in Hartford. One was dead and the other probably was his or her mate. The live pigeon seemed so sad. So they have feelings and mourn, also.
TC
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Good luck in the contest.
This reminds me of two pigeons I saw in Hartford. One was dead and the other probably was his or her mate. The live pigeon seemed so sad. So they have feelings and mourn, also.
TC
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Yes, TC, pigeons mourn. It is amazing the things you see on the streets if you pay attention. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
dead bird nestles
in gutter at sunrise--
tweet sweeper
a clever use of words in this short piece, which works really well
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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dead bird nestles
in gutter at sunrise--
tweet sweeper
a clever use of words in this short piece, which works really well
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Margaret, for your review and contest well wishes. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Janet Foor
A creative and clever play on words in this haiku.
Not sure which way I want the end for this little bird to go.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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A creative and clever play on words in this haiku.
Not sure which way I want the end for this little bird to go.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Janet, for your review. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
Comment from mvbrooks
The image of not only a dead bird--but a dead bird already lying in a gutter--sets a dark tone that is complimented by the final line's reminder that the bird will be swept away and soon forgotten.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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The image of not only a dead bird--but a dead bird already lying in a gutter--sets a dark tone that is complimented by the final line's reminder that the bird will be swept away and soon forgotten.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, mvbrooks, for your review. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. The bird was swept away, but I did not forget it. Thanks.
Comment from Leena
The poetry is exactly in accordance with the writing prompt given. Commendable as it appears to be a perfectly done job. Kudos! Keep up the great job. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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The poetry is exactly in accordance with the writing prompt given. Commendable as it appears to be a perfectly done job. Kudos! Keep up the great job. Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Leena, for your review. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Caressa_08
Your nature haiku got my attention, and had to really think about the last line, tweet sweeper... realizing after being up all night...Yes, so very clever, though wouldn't it pertain to more to a cat as being such or the street cleaner being a tweet sweeper, and guess, what you meant, a call for either one to come.
Caressa_08
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Your nature haiku got my attention, and had to really think about the last line, tweet sweeper... realizing after being up all night...Yes, so very clever, though wouldn't it pertain to more to a cat as being such or the street cleaner being a tweet sweeper, and guess, what you meant, a call for either one to come.
Caressa_08
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Caressa, for your review. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
