haiku (dead bird nestles)
Awaiting street cleaning day or a hungry cat.61 total reviews
Comment from estory
I wasn't ready for the ending of this, it was kind of humorous, and I was expecting a more philosophical look at death. I thought this could be more, given the interesting opening image. Life after death or something like that. the first two lines were in my opinion the strongest, you actually a few syllables left that you could have used to fill this in more. estory
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
  |
I wasn't ready for the ending of this, it was kind of humorous, and I was expecting a more philosophical look at death. I thought this could be more, given the interesting opening image. Life after death or something like that. the first two lines were in my opinion the strongest, you actually a few syllables left that you could have used to fill this in more. estory
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
-
when I found the bird in the gutter by my home, its serenity and beauty struck me--checkered black and white feathers and red neck. The bird looked like it was sleeping. I photographed it twice because I knew it would inspire a poem someday. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity, using both my words and picture to file a report from the gutter. Thank you for your review
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your haiku. Although it is sad, it is nature's way.
Good job on the style. Your words + the image are a great pairing. Best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
|
You did a great job with your haiku. Although it is sad, it is nature's way.
Good job on the style. Your words + the image are a great pairing. Best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
-
Thank you, Jan, for your review. When I found the bird in the gutter by my home, its serenity and beauty struck me--checkered black and white feathers and red neck. The bird looked like it was sleeping. I photographed it twice because I knew it would inspire a poem someday. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity, using both my words and picture to file a report from the gutter. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, Dead Bird Nestles, uses its thirteen syllables to begin a somber thought about this bird's passage then ends with a satori that lends us to a humorous choice of word play. Interesting.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
|
This haiku, Dead Bird Nestles, uses its thirteen syllables to begin a somber thought about this bird's passage then ends with a satori that lends us to a humorous choice of word play. Interesting.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
-
Thank you, Bill, for your review of my somber haiku. I appreciate it.
Comment from Hitcher
It might have been a not so hungry cat who struck and deposited the poor little tweet in the gutter in the first place friend. Domestic cats are good at kill and leave. Your haiku captures an unfortunate moment in nature, unfortunate for the bird at least : ) Good luck!!
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
|
It might have been a not so hungry cat who struck and deposited the poor little tweet in the gutter in the first place friend. Domestic cats are good at kill and leave. Your haiku captures an unfortunate moment in nature, unfortunate for the bird at least : ) Good luck!!
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
-
Thank you, Hitcher, for your review and for wishing me contest success. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. On my walk the next morning, I found the bird gone, so a cat may have eaten it. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A clever Haiku and nature thrown into the mix too! A enjoyable read and I wish you luck with the contest, when the president tweets, we all must follow!, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
|
A clever Haiku and nature thrown into the mix too! A enjoyable read and I wish you luck with the contest, when the president tweets, we all must follow!, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Dolly, for your review of my clever nature haiku and for wishing me success in the contest. I appreciate it.
Comment from JW
I have to admit, the name of the poem caught my eye. After all, how can a dead bird nestle?
It's sad to see a dead bird. They bring such a cheerful song into this world.
Thanks for sharing this poem. JW
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
|
I have to admit, the name of the poem caught my eye. After all, how can a dead bird nestle?
It's sad to see a dead bird. They bring such a cheerful song into this world.
Thanks for sharing this poem. JW
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
-
Oh, thank you, JW, for your review. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
Comment from Thal1959
A very interesting Haiku, with that touch of death that is reminiscent of a Dean Kuch Haiku. "Nestles in gutter" is particularly effective, since the poor bird nested in a lovely tree - now dead in the dirty gutter.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
|
A very interesting Haiku, with that touch of death that is reminiscent of a Dean Kuch Haiku. "Nestles in gutter" is particularly effective, since the poor bird nested in a lovely tree - now dead in the dirty gutter.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
-
Yes, Thal1959, Dean and I tend to be two sides of the same coin. I am reminded of his winning haiku about Basho's dead frog. I prefer to take me inspiration directly from nature rather than from other poets. When I found the bird in the gutter by my home, its serenity and beauty struck me--checkered black and white feathers and red neck. The bird looked like it was sleeping. I photographed it twice because I knew it would inspire a poem someday. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity, using both my words and picture to file a report from the gutter. Thank you for your review.
-
You're welcome - it was my pleasure.
Comment from rama devi
Interesting and unique. Morbid, a bit, but clever. Excellent medley of S sounds and EE as well. Fine presentation. Outstanding near-pun on nestles (nest). Ironic. Brilliant.
Effect satori.
Bravo and good luck.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
|
Interesting and unique. Morbid, a bit, but clever. Excellent medley of S sounds and EE as well. Fine presentation. Outstanding near-pun on nestles (nest). Ironic. Brilliant.
Effect satori.
Bravo and good luck.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
-
Thank you, Rama, for your review and contest best wishes. I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
-
Yes..great photo.
Warmly, rd
-
PS...wow, eleven drafts!
-
Yes, eleven draft. I keep a notebook at all times. I counted how many drafts this haiku went through--eleven. It fun to look at my drafts to see how my poem evolved. Thank you for your review.
-
Great practice to keep a notebook always. How fun! I love seeing poems evolve. :)
Warmly, rd
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very clever poem. I like clever writing. It's so much better than the lazy style I find so often. It makes me think there's a brain behind the poem.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
|
This is a very clever poem. I like clever writing. It's so much better than the lazy style I find so often. It makes me think there's a brain behind the poem.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Thomas, for your review. Yes, there is a brain behind this poem. I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
Comment from alvina224224
An unusual haiku, author. Love the picture you've chosen, too. Very apt. Haiku is not easily written, I know, but I think yours is a very good entry for this contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
|
An unusual haiku, author. Love the picture you've chosen, too. Very apt. Haiku is not easily written, I know, but I think yours is a very good entry for this contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
-
Thank you, Alvina, for your review and your contest best wishes. I spotted this dead bird in the gutter during my walk two weeks ago and photographed it as a potential idea for a poem. Yesterday when the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts before I nested on this one. Thanks.
