haiku (dead bird nestles)
Awaiting street cleaning day or a hungry cat.61 total reviews
Comment from smerryman3
I am ashamed to say I laughed out loud at the death of poor tweety. Very original and unexpected. I saw the title and expected to hear either tragedy or soppy sentimentalism but instead it was funny. Could make a few more of ones like these?
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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I am ashamed to say I laughed out loud at the death of poor tweety. Very original and unexpected. I saw the title and expected to hear either tragedy or soppy sentimentalism but instead it was funny. Could make a few more of ones like these?
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you, smerryman3, for your humorous review. I am glad you laughed out loud. I knew that when I came across that dead bird in a gutter and took this picture of it that I had an idea for a poem. Could I write a few more like these? We'll see. Thanks again.
Comment from Cmelton
You have a wonderful little poem here. I like the play on words in the last sentence. I also like your choice of words. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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You have a wonderful little poem here. I like the play on words in the last sentence. I also like your choice of words. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you, Cmelton, for your review and for wishing me success in the contest. I am glad you like my play on words.
Comment from lyenochka
It's so sad to see a dead bird. That one looks like a woodpecker which doesn't usually stay on the ground. Good word play at the end with assonance of tweet/sweeper.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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It's so sad to see a dead bird. That one looks like a woodpecker which doesn't usually stay on the ground. Good word play at the end with assonance of tweet/sweeper.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Good eye, lyenochka. After I photographed this dead bird in the gutter, I tried to identify it so that I could use its name in my haiku. The bird comes closet to looking like a red-bellied woodpecker even though they are not supposed to exist in California. Unsure of the identity of the bird, I decided that it go by the name of "dead bird" in my poem. Thank you for your review.
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your poem "dead bird nestles". You chose a very appropriate photo, and you kept under the seventeen syllables.
Best of luck
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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I enjoyed reading your poem "dead bird nestles". You chose a very appropriate photo, and you kept under the seventeen syllables.
Best of luck
Marybell1.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Ah, Marybell1, the dead bird chose me. I was out jogging two weeks ago when I found this dead bird in the gutter. It was so beautiful and serene nestled there that I took this picture, hoping to use it to illustrate a later poem. When the nature haiku poetry contest came up yesterday, I wrote eleven drafts and downloaded my saved picture. Thank you for your review and for wishing me the best in the contest.
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You are most welcome. Sometimes others do not realise how hard we work to get things as we want them.
Marybell1.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Sis Cat, I was walking around the park last week and I asked myself, "Where do all the dead birds go to die?" One never seas any type bird littered about the place and there are thousands of various type birds that exist. Your poem reminded me of my question - your first line (which extends a sad thought for the reader). Thank you for allowing me to reflect again on such matters. ~DD
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Sis Cat, I was walking around the park last week and I asked myself, "Where do all the dead birds go to die?" One never seas any type bird littered about the place and there are thousands of various type birds that exist. Your poem reminded me of my question - your first line (which extends a sad thought for the reader). Thank you for allowing me to reflect again on such matters. ~DD
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Yes, DD, of all of the places to die, the gutter has to be the most ignominious resting place for a bird, but it did not stay there for long. Thank you for your review and your reflections.
Comment from Wabigoon
What's this, a contest? Looks like it.
No, I don't buy this. Don't buy the picture, that's not a gutter, that's the frigging desert, no wonder the bird's dead! Plus, that bird ain't dead!
I don't think, and maybe I'm way wrong, that the haiku form, much encourages broad humor, which you seem to be trying for here. Maybe a "satori" form of ha ha!, but not belly laughs.
Sorry, try again.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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What's this, a contest? Looks like it.
No, I don't buy this. Don't buy the picture, that's not a gutter, that's the frigging desert, no wonder the bird's dead! Plus, that bird ain't dead!
I don't think, and maybe I'm way wrong, that the haiku form, much encourages broad humor, which you seem to be trying for here. Maybe a "satori" form of ha ha!, but not belly laughs.
Sorry, try again.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Jeff, for your review and humourous comments. Two weeks ago during a morning jog, I saw this dead bird in the gutter of San Pablo Avenue in Hercules, California. It looked like it was sleeping but I knew it was dead. The beauty of its checked black and white feathers and red neck contrasting with its demise in the gutter astounded me, so I took out my iPhone and photographed it twice, intending to use the picture to illustrate a poem when I got around to writing one.
When I discovered yesterday that FanStory had a nature haiku contest, I wrote eleven drafts of a haiku about this dead bird and then downloaded from Dropbox the picture I took. I got a big laugh when one reviewer wrote, "It's a good thing you did not use a picture of a REAL dead bird!" I wrote her back and said, "The dead bird is real. I took the picture."
Thank you again, Jeff, for the broad humor of your review.
Comment from Irish Rain
Such a great, so sad haiku!!! I love it and hate it, ha ha. So clever though, and a great picture!!Good luck in this haiku contest, blessings....
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Such a great, so sad haiku!!! I love it and hate it, ha ha. So clever though, and a great picture!!Good luck in this haiku contest, blessings....
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you, Irish Rain, for your review and contest well-wishes. I knew that when I saw this stunning dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog that it presented a potential poem idea, so I took two pictures of it and saved them until the words came to me. Thanks again.
Comment from tfawcus
Finding a dead bird lying in the gutter of a city street always gives me a slight pang of regret. It seems so sad an end for one who has been able to fly. Your use of the verb 'nestles' captures something of this feeling and the sweeper gives a harsh burial, regarding all that lies in its path as dross.
The use of 'tweets' these days brushes away many sensibilities!
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Finding a dead bird lying in the gutter of a city street always gives me a slight pang of regret. It seems so sad an end for one who has been able to fly. Your use of the verb 'nestles' captures something of this feeling and the sweeper gives a harsh burial, regarding all that lies in its path as dross.
The use of 'tweets' these days brushes away many sensibilities!
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, tfawcus, for your generous review. I saw this potential for a poem when I saw and photographed this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago. Of all of the places to die, the gutter is among the harshest. Thanks again.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is a clever haiku, the form written to perfection, although the subject matter is hard to accept with such a satori, at least for me. (It saddens me when any life is lost.) Two grammatically connected, concrete images, and a good contrast between the gutter, a dead bird and sunrise.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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This is a clever haiku, the form written to perfection, although the subject matter is hard to accept with such a satori, at least for me. (It saddens me when any life is lost.) Two grammatically connected, concrete images, and a good contrast between the gutter, a dead bird and sunrise.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Ideasaregems-Dawn, for your sensitive review. I saw this dead bird in the gutter two weeks ago during my morning jog. I photographed it because I knew it would inspire a poem some day. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity and wrote eleven drafts until my poem nestled on this one. Thanks.
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You're very welcome.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Oatmeal
Thoughts are expressed and described well. Nicely effective and impressive. Very well reflected thoughts. Your feelings are well expressed. The theme was well thought out. Good job!!!
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
The words you chose worked well.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thoughts are expressed and described well. Nicely effective and impressive. Very well reflected thoughts. Your feelings are well expressed. The theme was well thought out. Good job!!!
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
The words you chose worked well.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you again, Oatmeal, for your review. I always appreciate your visits.
