haiku (dead bird nestles)
Awaiting street cleaning day or a hungry cat.61 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend this is well written a very creative haiku for the contest which is also well presented it shows how much we can write about using this form using our imagination to come up with something original well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Yes my friend this is well written a very creative haiku for the contest which is also well presented it shows how much we can write about using this form using our imagination to come up with something original well done regards Jill
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Jill, for your review. I do not know how much imagination I used in this haiku.. Two weeks ago during my morning jog I spotted this dead woodpecker in the gutter by my home. It looked beautiful and serene as if it was sleeping, but I knew it was not. I took two pictures of it because I saw it as a potential poem idea. The results are the haiku and picture you just viewed. Thanks again.
Comment from Xavier Terrisch
I really enjoyed your haiku, especially your last line. I always appreciate a good play on words. I was not expecting that change in mood after the more somber first two lines. Well done!
XT
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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I really enjoyed your haiku, especially your last line. I always appreciate a good play on words. I was not expecting that change in mood after the more somber first two lines. Well done!
XT
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, XT, for your cheerful review. Arriving at those closing lines took me seven drafts. Thanks again.
Comment from ronnie k
I must admit I was at first stumped by this post but upon placing all the well defining, total picture, the suspense ended in seeing the recycling in the death of the bird,by man and beast.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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I must admit I was at first stumped by this post but upon placing all the well defining, total picture, the suspense ended in seeing the recycling in the death of the bird,by man and beast.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Ronnie, for your review. In nature, little goes to waste. On the next morning I took a walk around my neighborhood, I no longer saw the woodpecker's body in the gutter. A cat or coyote probably ate it during the night.
Comment from Dan-C
For a sad subject, "tweet sweeper" made me laugh. I truly enjoyed reading your poem. You are a wonderfully clever poet.
Thank you for sharing,
Daniel
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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For a sad subject, "tweet sweeper" made me laugh. I truly enjoyed reading your poem. You are a wonderfully clever poet.
Thank you for sharing,
Daniel
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Yes, Dan, I had a lot of reviewers laugh at my "tweet sweeper" line. Thank you for reviewing my poem on a sad subject that made you laugh.
Comment from royowen
What a marvellous entry in this nature haiku poetry contest. Very witty and cerebrally driven satori, this is a darn good one, it would have to be a serious contender in this contest, well done, good luck, blessings. Roy
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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What a marvellous entry in this nature haiku poetry contest. Very witty and cerebrally driven satori, this is a darn good one, it would have to be a serious contender in this contest, well done, good luck, blessings. Roy
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Roy for your review and contest well wishes. Two weeks ago during my morning jog I spotted this dead woodpecker in the gutter by my home. It looked beautiful and serene as if it was sleeping, but I knew it was not. I took two pictures of it because I saw it as a potential poem idea. The results are the haiku and picture you just viewed. Thanks again.
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Well done, good luck
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww,that is so sad. What a pretty bird he was too. I like the way these haiku's get right to the point in a clear and forthright manner. No messing around with flowery words, just tell it as it is as best you can and that is just what you did. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Aww,that is so sad. What a pretty bird he was too. I like the way these haiku's get right to the point in a clear and forthright manner. No messing around with flowery words, just tell it as it is as best you can and that is just what you did. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, for your glowing review. Yes, when I found the bird in the gutter by my home, its serenity and beauty struck me--checkered black and white feathers and red neck. The bird looked like it was sleeping. I photographed it twice because I knew it would inspire a poem someday. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity, using both my words and picture to file a report from the gutter. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Mai Mai
This is an interesting piece. I always love haikus, the pack so much thought into so few words. Good job and good luck.
Mai Mai
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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This is an interesting piece. I always love haikus, the pack so much thought into so few words. Good job and good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you, Mai Mai, for your review of my haiku packed with so much thought. Thank you also for wishing me contest success.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
This is a very poignant poem because the bird is dead, yet to write about the even shows deep compassion. The last two lines, to me, do not relate to the subject. I don't think you were trying to be funny, maybe just ironic.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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This is a very poignant poem because the bird is dead, yet to write about the even shows deep compassion. The last two lines, to me, do not relate to the subject. I don't think you were trying to be funny, maybe just ironic.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Nancy, for your review and comments. When I found the bird in the gutter by my home, its serenity and beauty struck me--checkered black and white feathers and red neck. The bird looked like it was sleeping. I photographed it twice because I knew it would inspire a poem someday. When the nature haiku contest came up, I seized the opportunity, using both my words and picture to file a report from the gutter. Thank you for your review
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
haiku (dead bird nestles) is an extremely well-written piece. Short,succinct and very much to the point. Are the last words penned tongue-in-cheek? It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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haiku (dead bird nestles) is an extremely well-written piece. Short,succinct and very much to the point. Are the last words penned tongue-in-cheek? It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you very much, duchessofdrumborg, for giving my humble haiku its first and only six star review so far. I much appreciate it.
I keep a notebook detailing eleven drafts of this poem before I arrived at the last one, so I can explain how I arrived at the "tweet sweeper" line. My original closing line from drafts one through five was "life swept away." But then I remembered that it was similar to the closing line of my haiku from January:
listen?
flood chews muddy lily pads
frog songs swept away
In draft six I decided to play with the frog song idea and wrote "tweets swept away," but this was too similar to the frog haiku. I needed to get rid of that pesky "swept away" while still echoing it.
In draft seven, I made a mental leap and came up with the phrase "tweet sweeper," satisfying my desire to create something fresh with a play on the words "street sweeper."
Thank you again for your review and question.
Dear Anon, you're more than welcome, and definitely deserved the six star rating.
Comment from An Awakened Heart
Very succinct and thought provoking prose.
Such beauty to loose, then be swept away.
Like your poem, life is short...
So many feeling in so short a poem.
Blessings upon you.
Thank you for posting.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Very succinct and thought provoking prose.
Such beauty to loose, then be swept away.
Like your poem, life is short...
So many feeling in so short a poem.
Blessings upon you.
Thank you for posting.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you, An Awakened Heart, for your generous review. I knew that when I discovered this dead bird in the gutter that it presented an idea for a poem. I photographed the bird and waited two weeks before the words of this poem came to me. Thanks.
