Reviews from

haiku (dead bird nestles)

Awaiting street cleaning day or a hungry cat.

61 total reviews 
Comment from Realist101
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

OH wow! This is amazing. I'm not well versed in haiku, but the last line is perfect Sis. I would have pictured this scenario without the photo too, your words are so well placed. I'm not sending a six for a payback, this is really good. I hope it wins for you! Susan

 Comment Written 29-May-2017

reply by the author on 29-May-2017

    Thank you again, Susan, for your generous, six star review. No, my poem did not win, but placed near the bottom of the vote tallies with three, including my own vote. I am very grateful that you recognized the craft of my poem and that it resonated with you even though you are not versed in haiku. When my poem can touch someone who knows nothing about the form, I feel I have won.

    Thank you again for your generous review.
Comment from lalajovanoski
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I liked your nature haiku and think it has a good flow. I'm a little confused by the last sentence, however. I'm not sure the tweet sweeper fits the correct 5 syllabes.
Thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Oh, thank you, lalajovanoski, for your review. The contest rules allow for haiku of 17 syllables or less than the "correct" 5-7-5. I spent a recent vacation reading a thousand haiku that come in all syllable configuration from more than 17 syllables to one word "tundra" written across a blank page. Often on FanStory I see haiku weakened when the poet pad their poems with unnecessary words just to stretch it to the 5-7-5 form. I enjoy using as few words as possible to convey my idea. Thanks.
Comment from LIJ Red
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

That bird must have flinched too late in a game of chicken. But then bird plagues
fly over the world. My cats kill birds, play with the body, then head for the bowl
for some premium feed. I don't know Haiku from feathers, but the pun's neat.

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Yes, LIJ Red, I wondered, too, if the bird had been struck in flight by a car. I've seen it happen before and even once struck a bird in flight. The body of the woodpecker I found was intact. The bird looked like it was sleeping. It was not. I took two pictures and wrote this poem. The next day, the body vanished from the gutter. I believe a cat got it. Thank you for your review and for enjoying my neat pun.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I love the accurate expression of so few words. This is a story with all the necessities to be a good one in what, 17 syllables. Good luck in your contest. A great addition! xoxo Kiwi

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Thank you, Kiwi, for your review and your compliment. Two weeks ago when I saw and photographed this dead woodpecker in the gutter I adapted an accurate expression style for my haiku. Thanks for wishing me contest success, too.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello my friend

Sad haiku about a little bird dead in the beautiful sunrise. I don't understand the satori. Good form and syllable count. The presentation is nice.Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Thank you, Gypsy, for your review and contest well wishes. I arrived at my satori "tweet sweeper" in my seventh draft to play upon the words "street sweeper" and also to say something in a fresh way. Thanks.
reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 27-May-2017
    Ohhhhh.... now I get it. :)
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Yes, a lot of reviewers got a laugh out of that line. ; )
Comment from LaRosa
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Only 3 lines, but I wish I had a Six to give you.
Appears to me that you have met all the requirements of the contest.
The verbal/mental imagery of a dead bird nestled in the gutter at sunrise gave me pause to think of death just as the sun is coming up on a new day/life.
The thought is painted in my heart, not just my mind.
Nice.

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Oh, thank you, LaRosa, for your virtual six star review! I accept it. A keyword in your review is "pause." Two weeks ago when I jogged just before dawn, I not only paused but stopped when I discovered this dead woodpecker in the gutter just as the sun rose above the hills. I saw a poem in that bird and took two pictures to illustrate it. The body vanished from the gutter the next morning, but I am glad I have my poem and picture to remember and honor it. Thanks.
reply by LaRosa on 27-May-2017
    I'm sorry I didn't notice if you mentioned having taken the picture yourself. Poor thing, just looked like it was nested except for the pavement. You also have a talent for photography, it seems.
    Will be watching for more, Cat!
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
    Thanks. I took photography in college. I happened to be in the right place at the right time to take that picture. I provide my own pictures for a third of my posts. Thank you for your compliment.
Comment from c_lucas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

An interesting subject matter. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 26-May-2017
    Thank you, c_lucas, for your generous review. It cheers me.
Comment from red6560
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You followed the directions. The poem is very visual, a bird in the gutter You found the perfect picture for it. Best luck to your contest.

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 26-May-2017
    Ah, I found the perfect dead woodpecker to inspire this poem. Two weeks ago I was jogging in the morning when I saw beautiful but dead woodpecker in the gutter. I took two pictures because I felt I could write a poem about that bird someday. You are reading that poem. Thank you for your review and for wishing me contest success.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Groan. That's so bad, it's good. Funny, punny haiku flows well and creates a strong mental picture. Excellent choice of artwork, and the poem is strong enough to stand without it. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 26-May-2017

reply by the author on 26-May-2017
    Yes, Kathleen, this is s bad-good pun. Two weeks ago while jogging in the morning I saw this dead woodpecker in the gutter and took two pictures of it because I felt it would inspire a poem. You are reading the poem I wrote and viewing the picture I took. Thank you for your review and for wishing me contest success.
reply by kathleenspalding on 26-May-2017
    You're welcome
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A little morbid but perfectly done none the less.
Two lines of perfect imagery and one satori that made me smile using the reverse spelling to make it work. Nicely done

 Comment Written 25-May-2017

reply by the author on 26-May-2017
    Oh, thank you, Barb, for your review. I knew two weeks ago when I saw and photographed this dead woodpecker in the gutter by my home that it gave me an idea for this morbid poem that made you smile at the end. Thanks again.