My Extremely B-O-R-I-N-G Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Snookered!"A look inside my existence
20 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
My Dear Friend Brett,
No Matthison I see or perhaps Tyson
My mom and my Dad...(A Naval Chief of 26years) found an enjoyment from annibreations.
Do I drink?
Let's just say yes and no.
Haven't been drunk since twenty when I was responsible taking my young date home.
God protected us that night...
As for your piece?
Read one of mine....
Ricky1024
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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My Dear Friend Brett,
No Matthison I see or perhaps Tyson
My mom and my Dad...(A Naval Chief of 26years) found an enjoyment from annibreations.
Do I drink?
Let's just say yes and no.
Haven't been drunk since twenty when I was responsible taking my young date home.
God protected us that night...
As for your piece?
Read one of mine....
Ricky1024
Comment Written 26-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Why don't I become a fan?
You want frankness?
Okay, here goes--because despite all of the encouragement and support I gave you early on here at FanStory, you (like so many others) turned your back on me and stopped reading my work and supporting my efforts...for whatever reason.
That's why.
I'm a firm believer in loyalty. It goes a long, l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g way with me.
You claimed you wanted frankness, well that's about as frank as I can get, Brett.
Now that I have that off my chest, let's discuss your flash fiction story.
"The reprobate sneered at me. I swung a hard right jab, one I knew would knock the fire out of that stalker! ... Okay, first of all, the exclamation mark is unnecessary. At least in my opinion. Any editor will shit-can your manuscript faster than your head can swim if it contains too many exclamation points.
Secondly..."reprobate"...really? Who talks that way, Brett, much less thinks to themselves in such a manner?
Okay, perhaps Pantygynt, I'll give you that. But who else?
How about something simple, like jacked-up degenerate, or good-for-nothin' rascal?
Merely an observation...
"Do you know what the shadow was?" ...I guessing the shadow in question was your own reflection.
Ya know, Brett, although short, a flash fiction story requires a beginning, a conflict (both of which your story has), and a resolution (which yours does not).
FF relies heavily on a twist at the end to be effective.
This ending left me feeling a little...flat.
Nice effort.
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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Why don't I become a fan?
You want frankness?
Okay, here goes--because despite all of the encouragement and support I gave you early on here at FanStory, you (like so many others) turned your back on me and stopped reading my work and supporting my efforts...for whatever reason.
That's why.
I'm a firm believer in loyalty. It goes a long, l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g way with me.
You claimed you wanted frankness, well that's about as frank as I can get, Brett.
Now that I have that off my chest, let's discuss your flash fiction story.
"The reprobate sneered at me. I swung a hard right jab, one I knew would knock the fire out of that stalker! ... Okay, first of all, the exclamation mark is unnecessary. At least in my opinion. Any editor will shit-can your manuscript faster than your head can swim if it contains too many exclamation points.
Secondly..."reprobate"...really? Who talks that way, Brett, much less thinks to themselves in such a manner?
Okay, perhaps Pantygynt, I'll give you that. But who else?
How about something simple, like jacked-up degenerate, or good-for-nothin' rascal?
Merely an observation...
"Do you know what the shadow was?" ...I guessing the shadow in question was your own reflection.
Ya know, Brett, although short, a flash fiction story requires a beginning, a conflict (both of which your story has), and a resolution (which yours does not).
FF relies heavily on a twist at the end to be effective.
This ending left me feeling a little...flat.
Nice effort.
Comment Written 26-May-2017
reply by the author on 26-May-2017
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I appreciate your frankness, Dean.
Why did I chose "reprobate?" Because I wanted a stronger word there, something more than just a common "good-for-nothin' rascal."
The resolution was I was thrown out of the bar.
Now, I have a question for you if I may be bold enough to ask it. If you honestly felt my work was not up to par, why did you give it five stars?
An excellent rating for, as you yourself state, work that you believe "left you flat"?
Had I written this review I would have felt more than justified in not giving it five stars, probably four, maybe even three.
On a side note, you say I stopped supporting you. Although I may not read every single thing you post, are you aware of the number of times I have referenced the quality of your work in my writings?
Appreciate you taking the time and effort to pen this review.
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I awarded five stars because there was nothing amiss with the mechanics--i.e; spelling, grammar, and sentence structure, etc.
Personal preferences are not a legitimate reason to downgrade ones' rating.
That's part of what is wrong here at FanStory today.
I shouldn't be given a four simply because you didn't like the artwork I've used, for example.
But it happens all the time.
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Unfortunately, it does.
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Yes, and it's wrong.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very short, and a very well written chapter. You provided an excellent cliffhanger at the end. It makes me want to come back to see what happens.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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This is a very short, and a very well written chapter. You provided an excellent cliffhanger at the end. It makes me want to come back to see what happens.
Comment Written 25-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
I was told by a woman in the UK that they do not use the period after Mr., so maybe that is why.
Okay, I liked your writing because of the way you described the shadow and made it sound spooky. Now I know the shadow was your shadow, right? It sounds like the hand that threw you was a bouncer.
It must have sucked to not be able to write.
TC
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Hello,
I was told by a woman in the UK that they do not use the period after Mr., so maybe that is why.
Okay, I liked your writing because of the way you described the shadow and made it sound spooky. Now I know the shadow was your shadow, right? It sounds like the hand that threw you was a bouncer.
It must have sucked to not be able to write.
TC
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Brett; I am not sure of what the shadow was, but I'm sure it was part of the imagery your alcohol-soaked brain thought about. I'm glad the experience got you to stop drinking. Writers are often prone to using other substances and alcohol to calm 'the voices' that ricochet through our mind.
This is a well written and concise write.
~patty~
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Hi Brett; I am not sure of what the shadow was, but I'm sure it was part of the imagery your alcohol-soaked brain thought about. I'm glad the experience got you to stop drinking. Writers are often prone to using other substances and alcohol to calm 'the voices' that ricochet through our mind.
This is a well written and concise write.
~patty~
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from country ranch writer
Great expression of ones fighting with ones self in a barroom. Bet that hurt like the devil and was a sobering experience for sure and one heck of a hangover to boot.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Great expression of ones fighting with ones self in a barroom. Bet that hurt like the devil and was a sobering experience for sure and one heck of a hangover to boot.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I'm thinking the shadow was yourself, 'The reprobate' sneering through bleary eyes. Very good drabble fiction, and true too. Enjoyed this one and the author notes that tell us more. I could chuckle 'cause I didn't end up with a broken hand.
Well written,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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I'm thinking the shadow was yourself, 'The reprobate' sneering through bleary eyes. Very good drabble fiction, and true too. Enjoyed this one and the author notes that tell us more. I could chuckle 'cause I didn't end up with a broken hand.
Well written,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from DR DIP
BRETT!! YOUR WRITING SUCKS! haha But I would be lying I enjoy your writes and opinions through your stories, your travelogues etc. Do not stop writing although they suck! lol
thanks for sucking up
Is the shadow the bouncer?
dipshit
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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BRETT!! YOUR WRITING SUCKS! haha But I would be lying I enjoy your writes and opinions through your stories, your travelogues etc. Do not stop writing although they suck! lol
thanks for sucking up
Is the shadow the bouncer?
dipshit
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from BeasPeas
I guess this may happen quite a lot in bars if a patron becomes unruly and starts to destroy the place. You didn't explain what the "shadow" was and have asked the reader to guess. I would say it's either the shadow of the approaching bouncer or a bit of a concoction by a tipsy brain. I like these short writes for myself and when others write them, too. Marilyn
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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I guess this may happen quite a lot in bars if a patron becomes unruly and starts to destroy the place. You didn't explain what the "shadow" was and have asked the reader to guess. I would say it's either the shadow of the approaching bouncer or a bit of a concoction by a tipsy brain. I like these short writes for myself and when others write them, too. Marilyn
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Justin Chopin
If I had to guess who the shadow was Brett I would say that it was some sort of bizarre demon who had made his presence felt for the sole purpose of murdering your character. I'm really just assuming he was some demonic ghost since every time your character attempts to hit him he mysteriously disappears into the mist. For all I know the shadow could be the internal struggle this man has to deal with his problems of alcohol or some stealthy bouncer who just got so aggravated with is drunken behavior that he decided to throw him out into the streets. Great job with this story can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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If I had to guess who the shadow was Brett I would say that it was some sort of bizarre demon who had made his presence felt for the sole purpose of murdering your character. I'm really just assuming he was some demonic ghost since every time your character attempts to hit him he mysteriously disappears into the mist. For all I know the shadow could be the internal struggle this man has to deal with his problems of alcohol or some stealthy bouncer who just got so aggravated with is drunken behavior that he decided to throw him out into the streets. Great job with this story can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2017
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Thanks.
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you're welcome.
