This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Powers That Be"Veronica is sent back again
40 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm excited, and about to follow Veronica along into another place in time, and if it's anything like the past, all of us readers are in for a fabulous adventure. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I'm excited, and about to follow Veronica along into another place in time, and if it's anything like the past, all of us readers are in for a fabulous adventure. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I hope so, Ric! Thank you so much, your review is so encouraging. I'm delighted to know you'll be following Veronica again. Thank you, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Tell mummy, so we can['t] sort it out,"[] remove
That is the only thing I noticed. I am glad to see you starting a new book Sandra. The title is clever. Veronica
is back with another adventure in the paranormal. I'm sure it will be as exciting as the last time. Well done Sandra. Hugs Nancy
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Tell mummy, so we can['t] sort it out,"[] remove
That is the only thing I noticed. I am glad to see you starting a new book Sandra. The title is clever. Veronica
is back with another adventure in the paranormal. I'm sure it will be as exciting as the last time. Well done Sandra. Hugs Nancy
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I changed that line but somehow that word was forgotten, thank you so much for spotting it, Nancy. I'm still a bit nervous, I hope it goes as well as the last one seemed to. Thank you, dear friend for this lovely, most encouraging review , you are such a love. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from RGstar
I thought this would take longer to immerse oneself in because of the time lapse and remembering a little of the first book...or part., but you came straight in with much suspense.
Bravo.
A couple of bits I might mention just to clear up, but great writing.
''Tell mummy, so we can't sort it out,"
Just a slip...I think you mean ''can'' there.
''I looked up at Mildred, "Daveth? Who's Daveth?" I whispered. Mildred shrugged and shook her head.''
Never like to see two question marks in close proximity unless imperative. Even though I know you are chasing the emotion of the stop start as well the aura that surrounds that scene, it will work to run the sentence on with a comma...yet, in this situation, you could even use an exclamation mark if want to, in giving that element os surprise within the question;
"I looked up at Mildred, "Daveth! Who's Daveth?" I whispered. Mildred shrugged and shook her head."
There, you would have the emotion required without two question marks for the same sentence.
A couple of times more through the chapter, but, I know some authors naturally do this for it is not wrong, depending on the urgency needed, but where there is no urgency, I always favor using one question mark.
Having said that, it is definitely not wrong' to put a question mark after each question of a sentence, even if three, for the rule is both are correct, if at the end or after each question in the same sentence, but, I would definitely not put 3 question marks in a sentence, where I could use ways of finding the emotion needed.
So, Just something to keep an eye on.
Another point, purely narrative, not grammar.
Where do they live, Darling? Perhaps I can go and see their mummy." The scowl Ann gave me broke my heart. It was almost as though I'd let her down.
"He lived here, Mummy, I 'ready told you that," she replied as her scowl deepened.
Mildred gasped, her hand going to her mouth. "When did 'e live here, Poppet?"
"I don't know ... a long time ago, 'praps three weeks ... or even ten!"
There above, Mother asks the question of where they live, but the answer came back of where he lived or once lived, and Ann still does not give the answer of where they live, so it is actually be played out for the reader or narrative rather than staying true to the question, which should. So, something should be changed there, one way or the other.
Lastly, I might put a little comma after ''on our own" for there would be a definite shift in direction as well a little pause and change of something added in the below.
"What was that all about?" Mildred asked me once we were on our own and Ann had run into the garden with her brother to play.
Now...your write and why this is still a six star write.
Great direction, instantly plunging the reader into the outcome thick of things instead of mildly easing in...that would have been boring, and a killer for the chapter, as it cannot live on the back of the other, now new excitement must be created...and you did just that...exactly what a beginning needs.
Loved the shortening of some words , as well instantly developing that child like aura, creating a personality around both characters in relation to each other.
You concluded with a beginning but yet a summing up, cleverly done, of past happenings and insight to the coming ...even with Ann growing up, so plenty of thoughts for sequels if this one goes well, which I am in no doubt will, for I remember being one of those who voiced that the first should have a sequel, once you had distanced and took a little fresh air.
I think you started brilliantly, because, believe it or not, this start is mighty important, more important than the first would have been.
Good luck.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I thought this would take longer to immerse oneself in because of the time lapse and remembering a little of the first book...or part., but you came straight in with much suspense.
Bravo.
A couple of bits I might mention just to clear up, but great writing.
''Tell mummy, so we can't sort it out,"
Just a slip...I think you mean ''can'' there.
''I looked up at Mildred, "Daveth? Who's Daveth?" I whispered. Mildred shrugged and shook her head.''
Never like to see two question marks in close proximity unless imperative. Even though I know you are chasing the emotion of the stop start as well the aura that surrounds that scene, it will work to run the sentence on with a comma...yet, in this situation, you could even use an exclamation mark if want to, in giving that element os surprise within the question;
"I looked up at Mildred, "Daveth! Who's Daveth?" I whispered. Mildred shrugged and shook her head."
There, you would have the emotion required without two question marks for the same sentence.
A couple of times more through the chapter, but, I know some authors naturally do this for it is not wrong, depending on the urgency needed, but where there is no urgency, I always favor using one question mark.
Having said that, it is definitely not wrong' to put a question mark after each question of a sentence, even if three, for the rule is both are correct, if at the end or after each question in the same sentence, but, I would definitely not put 3 question marks in a sentence, where I could use ways of finding the emotion needed.
So, Just something to keep an eye on.
Another point, purely narrative, not grammar.
Where do they live, Darling? Perhaps I can go and see their mummy." The scowl Ann gave me broke my heart. It was almost as though I'd let her down.
"He lived here, Mummy, I 'ready told you that," she replied as her scowl deepened.
Mildred gasped, her hand going to her mouth. "When did 'e live here, Poppet?"
"I don't know ... a long time ago, 'praps three weeks ... or even ten!"
There above, Mother asks the question of where they live, but the answer came back of where he lived or once lived, and Ann still does not give the answer of where they live, so it is actually be played out for the reader or narrative rather than staying true to the question, which should. So, something should be changed there, one way or the other.
Lastly, I might put a little comma after ''on our own" for there would be a definite shift in direction as well a little pause and change of something added in the below.
"What was that all about?" Mildred asked me once we were on our own and Ann had run into the garden with her brother to play.
Now...your write and why this is still a six star write.
Great direction, instantly plunging the reader into the outcome thick of things instead of mildly easing in...that would have been boring, and a killer for the chapter, as it cannot live on the back of the other, now new excitement must be created...and you did just that...exactly what a beginning needs.
Loved the shortening of some words , as well instantly developing that child like aura, creating a personality around both characters in relation to each other.
You concluded with a beginning but yet a summing up, cleverly done, of past happenings and insight to the coming ...even with Ann growing up, so plenty of thoughts for sequels if this one goes well, which I am in no doubt will, for I remember being one of those who voiced that the first should have a sequel, once you had distanced and took a little fresh air.
I think you started brilliantly, because, believe it or not, this start is mighty important, more important than the first would have been.
Good luck.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Wow, RG, thank you so very much! That is an amazing review, and I have learnt such a lot from it. After reading this I went back and made some changes regarding all the question marks, changing one to an exclamation mark. Then for the sentence with three question marks, I have made them into two separate sentences and changed one question into a statement. Your review and the time you spent on it, mean such a lot to me, my friend, I can't thank you enough. To then give me 6 stars, was more than generous, it was very kind. You have quite made my day. Thank you! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from pbomar1115
As I work on my grammar and all, I can't help there; however, I do like a good story, and I like this one. At first, I could not decide what I was reading about: time traveling or paranormal. Now, don't misunderstand me. You write clearly. I thought only one type of story, but I was rewarded with two in one. Great concept.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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As I work on my grammar and all, I can't help there; however, I do like a good story, and I like this one. At first, I could not decide what I was reading about: time traveling or paranormal. Now, don't misunderstand me. You write clearly. I thought only one type of story, but I was rewarded with two in one. Great concept.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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The grammar goes right out the window with these characters, my friend, especially with Mildred, her country dialect is unique to her. Veronica was sent back in time in the first book to show her how hard she had become and the terrible mistakes she had made. She did well to put things right, so the council are sending her off again to help some other people. I hope you can come along with her. Thank you so very much for the lovely review, I was so pleased you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xxx
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You're welcome.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I had almost forgotten about this storyline. I am so glad you have posted again. You have caught my attention and I can't wait for more. I am sure Ann will keep things going. LOL
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I had almost forgotten about this storyline. I am so glad you have posted again. You have caught my attention and I can't wait for more. I am sure Ann will keep things going. LOL
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Yes, she is a feisty little love! Thank you, Barbara, for your lovely review. I'm so pleased you are coming along with me. I'll be looking for your next part, hope you've posted! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from heyjude
Sandra, I'm excited to read another adventure of Veronicas. I think
you've done a good job on the start. I'm sure you'll think of another
title that will be perfect. I'm excited to see how you'll get all the
characters together and how this is done.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Sandra, I'm excited to read another adventure of Veronicas. I think
you've done a good job on the start. I'm sure you'll think of another
title that will be perfect. I'm excited to see how you'll get all the
characters together and how this is done.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Judy! What a lovely review, it's so nice to know you enjoyed the first book, I hope I don't disappoint you with this one; there will be lots going on. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend I have been waiting for this a follow on from your last book and it was well worth the wait I liked the way you gently ease the reader into the story and cannot wait to read more knowing I won't be disappointed well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Yes my friend I have been waiting for this a follow on from your last book and it was well worth the wait I liked the way you gently ease the reader into the story and cannot wait to read more knowing I won't be disappointed well done regards Jill
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you so very much, Jill! It's lovely to see you are going to join me again. I love your review, and a big hug coming your way for the lovely 6 stars!! Thank you! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh wow another generation and I am in at the ground floor this time. I like it so far so good. This shows an underlying current that is controlling the whole thing allowing for ,more and ,more adventures/. Well done
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Oh wow another generation and I am in at the ground floor this time. I like it so far so good. This shows an underlying current that is controlling the whole thing allowing for ,more and ,more adventures/. Well done
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Bless you, Barb! I'm so pleased you enjoyed the first part. It is going to be a fun run, with lots of twists and turns. I'm glad you are coming along with it, Mildred will be pleased! Thank you for the lovely review, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Mustang Patty
Oh dear. This could be tricky. If she is to start time traveling, then it will upset her life, but Ann needs her mother to help Daveth.
You have set the scene well and you have given us the sense of the story line. I am already empathetic to the main character, and I love the way you portrayed Ann. She is a lovely child.
Looking forward to the next part. I didn't see any nits or SPAG,
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Oh dear. This could be tricky. If she is to start time traveling, then it will upset her life, but Ann needs her mother to help Daveth.
You have set the scene well and you have given us the sense of the story line. I am already empathetic to the main character, and I love the way you portrayed Ann. She is a lovely child.
Looking forward to the next part. I didn't see any nits or SPAG,
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Patty. It's always nerve racking to post a new story, and this one really terrified me! LOL. Thank you! :) Sandra xx
Comment from papa55mike
Are you kidding me! This is beautifully written and I love the characters. This chapter poses many questions to be answered in the upcoming pages. I love the style you have this written in, it's so different from my southern Gothic craziness. Best of luck with the rest of the book!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Are you kidding me! This is beautifully written and I love the characters. This chapter poses many questions to be answered in the upcoming pages. I love the style you have this written in, it's so different from my southern Gothic craziness. Best of luck with the rest of the book!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you so very, very much, Mike, for the wonderful review and the shiny 6 stars!! To know you enjoyed it, and being my first review, has simply made my day. Thank you! :) Sandra xx
