This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Powers That Be"Veronica is sent back again
40 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, so good to see you writing your story again sweet girl...
well...well...guess who's coming for dinner???...I think Miss Veronica needs to call ghostbusters...and Mildred will need a raise...LOL...OH Lord...lets see where it goes from here...a wonderful first coming back chapter my sweet friend...can't wait for the next one...very well written you...and I love this picture...precious children...love ya you...Linda xxoo
how is everyone doing???...is Ian still in the hospital???...I hope the swelling has gone down...and how is Sarah???...and are you taking care ???...you are in my prayers...may God Bless you all...love you so much...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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HI Sandra, so good to see you writing your story again sweet girl...
well...well...guess who's coming for dinner???...I think Miss Veronica needs to call ghostbusters...and Mildred will need a raise...LOL...OH Lord...lets see where it goes from here...a wonderful first coming back chapter my sweet friend...can't wait for the next one...very well written you...and I love this picture...precious children...love ya you...Linda xxoo
how is everyone doing???...is Ian still in the hospital???...I hope the swelling has gone down...and how is Sarah???...and are you taking care ???...you are in my prayers...may God Bless you all...love you so much...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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LOL, Linda, ghostbusters!!! Thank you so much, my dear friend, for this lovely review, it was so nice to see your name here. I hope you enjoy this one as much as you did the first book. I'm still a bit nervous. I loved the picture too, and it was perfect for showing Ann and Michael. Now to think of a good title for this. Love you, my sweet friend, thank you so much for the encouraging words, you made my day. Biggest hugs!! :) Sandra xxxx
ps. PMd you. xxx
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yes...ghostbusters...LOL...sounds like a great start...I know you will come up with a great title...something...FROM BEYOND...keep thinking...LOL...you are always soooo welcome. sweet lady...and I'm glad I could make your day...biggerest hugs back at ya...smiling...love ya you...Linda xxoo
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
First, you do need to retitle all in the series. Second, you're off to a fabulous start with this new story. I love that Ann has a friend from the past in their house, and the names you have chosen are strange, indicating much time has passed.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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First, you do need to retitle all in the series. Second, you're off to a fabulous start with this new story. I love that Ann has a friend from the past in their house, and the names you have chosen are strange, indicating much time has passed.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Thank you so very much, Phyllis, for the shiny 6 stars! I'm really pleased you like the first part, just hope you like the rest!!! I've been racking my brain for a title for this one. I thought of ... 'She's At It Again!' but then decided it might be taken the wrong way, LOL!! Hmm, It might bring me loads of sales! The names are Cornish that were popular over 150 years ago. Google is so useful. Big hugs, my friend. Are you posting today? xxxxx
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Yes, another chapter. Will be about two hours.
Comment from MelB
Hi Sandra, so glad to see a post from you! A great start to the story! Wonderful idea to pull her back into it again, now coming through the next generation.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Hi Sandra, so glad to see a post from you! A great start to the story! Wonderful idea to pull her back into it again, now coming through the next generation.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Melissa, It's lovely to see you reading the new adventure. I hope you enjoy this one too. Big hugs, my friend! :) Sandra. xxx
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You're welcome. I'm sure I will enjoy it!
Comment from mbroyles2
You've set the stage nicely and now it looks like Veronica might be off on another adventure. The time travelers have made a decision so now Veronica must worry about the children, and her husband
Nicely done!
Michael
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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You've set the stage nicely and now it looks like Veronica might be off on another adventure. The time travelers have made a decision so now Veronica must worry about the children, and her husband
Nicely done!
Michael
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Michael, for reading the first part of my sequel and the lovely comment. I really appreciate that liked the start, and hope I can keep you coming back. Did you find it nerve racking posting your first part? I don't think I'll ever stop that feeling each time I post, lol! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra x
Comment from Jay Squires
"I say we tell her." His eyes went from each of the three men sitting around the table. "So far it hasn't been a problem, but she has a family now." [You led into it like a pro. Four men, one of them a speaker. A decision has to be made concerning a woman. Whatever the missing information it must have an element of danger to it. And it's implied she already has some familiarity with it. And then the kicker: "but she has a family now." She might have the courage to tackle it ... but she has a family to think about now. You have your reader fully engaged.
"We are sending her to an era she is not familiar with, [To anyone not familiar with your previous novels, this might be an eye opener. What era. What is he talking about: time travel? That adds a couple hundred new readers to the tail of your comet. The familiar reader is rubbing his palms.
Who are these mean. My reading might have been a tad spotty in the past series, but I didn't think she was operating as a puppet to a committee. Interesting ...
Each bowed their heads respectfully. [EACH bowed HIS HEAD respectfully. I may be correcting what you've already caught. I'm a little late in reviewing, and it is from last night's offering.]
Tell mummy, so we can't sort it out," I murmured soothingly. [Tell mummy, (doubtful comma need) so we CAN (?) sort it out," I murmured.]
now it's too late...." she told me, [Unless UK rules are different, you don't use a speech tag after a four-dot ellipsis. Is there a way you can mention the hiccupping without the speech tag lead in?]
"That long," Mildred looked at me, [You can't use a character action as a dialogue tag. Either exchange the comma with a full stop after "long" or leave it the way it is and use a true dialogue tag, "Mildred said, LOOKING AT ME,..."]
Ann sniffed and wiped her nose with her hand. "Okay." She gave me a wobbly smile then picked up her spoon and continued to eat her breakfast. [OMG, you're description of a child is spot on. It comes across so authentically.]
Ah, and you had a wrap-around ending that meshed with what Jowell was concerned about. Good solid writing, Sandra.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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"I say we tell her." His eyes went from each of the three men sitting around the table. "So far it hasn't been a problem, but she has a family now." [You led into it like a pro. Four men, one of them a speaker. A decision has to be made concerning a woman. Whatever the missing information it must have an element of danger to it. And it's implied she already has some familiarity with it. And then the kicker: "but she has a family now." She might have the courage to tackle it ... but she has a family to think about now. You have your reader fully engaged.
"We are sending her to an era she is not familiar with, [To anyone not familiar with your previous novels, this might be an eye opener. What era. What is he talking about: time travel? That adds a couple hundred new readers to the tail of your comet. The familiar reader is rubbing his palms.
Who are these mean. My reading might have been a tad spotty in the past series, but I didn't think she was operating as a puppet to a committee. Interesting ...
Each bowed their heads respectfully. [EACH bowed HIS HEAD respectfully. I may be correcting what you've already caught. I'm a little late in reviewing, and it is from last night's offering.]
Tell mummy, so we can't sort it out," I murmured soothingly. [Tell mummy, (doubtful comma need) so we CAN (?) sort it out," I murmured.]
now it's too late...." she told me, [Unless UK rules are different, you don't use a speech tag after a four-dot ellipsis. Is there a way you can mention the hiccupping without the speech tag lead in?]
"That long," Mildred looked at me, [You can't use a character action as a dialogue tag. Either exchange the comma with a full stop after "long" or leave it the way it is and use a true dialogue tag, "Mildred said, LOOKING AT ME,..."]
Ann sniffed and wiped her nose with her hand. "Okay." She gave me a wobbly smile then picked up her spoon and continued to eat her breakfast. [OMG, you're description of a child is spot on. It comes across so authentically.]
Ah, and you had a wrap-around ending that meshed with what Jowell was concerned about. Good solid writing, Sandra.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Thank you so very much, Jay, for this amazingly helpful review, and the compliment! I've made all the corrections and made notes of some of them so they don't crop up again. The four dot ellipsis is one example. I'm discovering that the more I write, the more I learn, and the more I have to learn! Thank you again, you are a gem of a friend, and I really appreciate you. Biggest hugs. :) Sandra xx
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You are, simply put, a joy to read and review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, so you have decided to continue the story. That's great. I'm looking forward to reading on. As you know I'm fascinated with the concept.
"What were that?" = "What was that?"
I also suggest: "What did she say?"
I was in the kitchen with Mildred when Ann came bounding down the stairs with her three-year old brother, Michael, at her heels. She ran straight over to me ...
I watched her.
What I've done is to use active verbs. Makes the writing crispier.
I love the story and am so looking forward to reading on. A hug. Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi Sandra, so you have decided to continue the story. That's great. I'm looking forward to reading on. As you know I'm fascinated with the concept.
"What were that?" = "What was that?"
I also suggest: "What did she say?"
I was in the kitchen with Mildred when Ann came bounding down the stairs with her three-year old brother, Michael, at her heels. She ran straight over to me ...
I watched her.
What I've done is to use active verbs. Makes the writing crispier.
I love the story and am so looking forward to reading on. A hug. Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you so very much, dear Ulla, for your lovely review and for the amazing 6 stars! I'm afraid you will have to get used to the bad grammar with Mildred, that is the way she speaks and a lot of the west country folk. It's hard sometimes to write that way, but I have to in order to get her personality and dialect right. LOL! She would be devastated if I made her 'posh'!! I love your review, dear friend. Thank you so very much. :) Sandra xxx
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I understand. Mildred does speak like that. I'd almost forgotten.
It's great you're continuing the story.
A hug. xxx
Comment from Curly Girly
Hi, Sandra. I enjoyed reading this story, although paranormal is creeping and I won't be rushing off to talk to the dead. However, sometimes 'ghosts / spirits' do appear and some people see them.
You wrote:
"What were that?"
Maybe WERE should be WAS?
You decide.
Nicole
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi, Sandra. I enjoyed reading this story, although paranormal is creeping and I won't be rushing off to talk to the dead. However, sometimes 'ghosts / spirits' do appear and some people see them.
You wrote:
"What were that?"
Maybe WERE should be WAS?
You decide.
Nicole
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you so much for the 6 stars, Nicole!! That is so kind of you. The word, 'were' instead of 'was' is part of Mildred's unique dialect. When she's upset, her west country accent gets stronger. This is the sequel to book one and will be part of a trilogy... or more. It was the Fanstorians that made me turn the four part short story into an 80,000 word novel! Love these people to bits!! It's lovely to see you back, my friend, I've seen you on Facebook a few times. I haven't been on much this year but I'm back now. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra x
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
Just call it Next Time and be done with it...lol
His eyes went from each of the three men sitting around the table. - this feels a tad awkward to me. Perhaps something like 'His gaze drifted between the three men sitting around the table.'
"I say we tell her." / we can help her without her knowing it, or learning anything about us." - this confused me a little. The same person is speaking here so why would he want to tell her if they could help and be undiscovered? You probably have a rational explanation but this made me pause right at the start.
"I agree," Lief seconded the vote. - I think seconded the motion may be a better fit here.
"It's a bright, sunny day, too good to be sittin' around indoors. Shall we take young Michael for a walk in the woods? - need closing speech marks here.
"Daveth didn't tell me," She looked back down at her porrige and sighed. - I think the dialogue needs a full stop rather than a comma.
"How old is Daveth? I'm sure his mummy with him," - same here.
Interesting start to this with a wider picture at play and then narrowing into the mother/daughter dilemma.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi Sandra,
Just call it Next Time and be done with it...lol
His eyes went from each of the three men sitting around the table. - this feels a tad awkward to me. Perhaps something like 'His gaze drifted between the three men sitting around the table.'
"I say we tell her." / we can help her without her knowing it, or learning anything about us." - this confused me a little. The same person is speaking here so why would he want to tell her if they could help and be undiscovered? You probably have a rational explanation but this made me pause right at the start.
"I agree," Lief seconded the vote. - I think seconded the motion may be a better fit here.
"It's a bright, sunny day, too good to be sittin' around indoors. Shall we take young Michael for a walk in the woods? - need closing speech marks here.
"Daveth didn't tell me," She looked back down at her porrige and sighed. - I think the dialogue needs a full stop rather than a comma.
"How old is Daveth? I'm sure his mummy with him," - same here.
Interesting start to this with a wider picture at play and then narrowing into the mother/daughter dilemma.
All the best
G
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Bless you, G! That full stop, I will have to watch that, I've got a new laptop, and the keyboard is slightly different. I've made all the suggestions you put to me, wonderful ones too!! Thank you for that. I've also changed the confusing sentence at the beginning. I agree with what you said, and wondered why I hadn't thought so before. This is going to be rather different to the first one, but with the same basic background. (Does that make sense?) Thanks my friend, for the lovely, helpful review! :) Sandra xx
Comment from aryr
Definitely a dilemma for Veronica and Mildred. I like the idea that you are continuing the story, especially if it now involves another generation. Ann is still young and has time to grow into the adventure of time travel if it is meant to be. But Veronica now has to face reality and be honest with James, especially if the gentlemen at the meeting at the beginning of the chapter intend another 'mission'. You created suspense and mystery in regards to David and his mother. This then inspired the reader to want to know more; you caught them well in the web. Great job, thanks Sandra.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Definitely a dilemma for Veronica and Mildred. I like the idea that you are continuing the story, especially if it now involves another generation. Ann is still young and has time to grow into the adventure of time travel if it is meant to be. But Veronica now has to face reality and be honest with James, especially if the gentlemen at the meeting at the beginning of the chapter intend another 'mission'. You created suspense and mystery in regards to David and his mother. This then inspired the reader to want to know more; you caught them well in the web. Great job, thanks Sandra.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I couldn't let them go, Alie, or was it they wouldn't let me go? LOL. I found myself dreaming about them, for heavens sake! Sad, aren't I! Thank you so much, my friend, for coming along with me again, I really appreciate you and your lovely reviews. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
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You are so welcome my friend, I do think it was a combination of both them and you lol. I would endeavor to think they were interesting dreams. Some of the best writing ever comes from dreams or even the other sidhe. Hugs in return, blessings.
Comment from damommy
Oh, mercy me. Now there's two of them with this time travel dilemma.
I never gave it a thought that her children might inherit this phenomenon. I suppose she'll have to James, and soon.
I didn't expect this when I started reading. Good twist.
I wonder where the council will be sending Veronica. Can't wait to find out.
I didn't see anything that needs changing.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Oh, mercy me. Now there's two of them with this time travel dilemma.
I never gave it a thought that her children might inherit this phenomenon. I suppose she'll have to James, and soon.
I didn't expect this when I started reading. Good twist.
I wonder where the council will be sending Veronica. Can't wait to find out.
I didn't see anything that needs changing.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Well, Ann has, not sure about Michael yet. LOL, I thought it would add a bit to the flavour. Thank you, dear Yvonne, for your lovely review. The council will be keeping a close eye on her and be having some input when they deem it to be necessary. Thanks again, my friend. Big hugs. :) Sandra xxx
