At Work
Heat changes nothing15 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I loved the twist at the end, it took me completely by surprise, the sheer passionate narrative, gave off a different aroma to the conclusion. An excellent entry in this 100 word dash contest, good luck, wel done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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I loved the twist at the end, it took me completely by surprise, the sheer passionate narrative, gave off a different aroma to the conclusion. An excellent entry in this 100 word dash contest, good luck, wel done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. Much appreciated : )
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Most welcome
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A romantic and erotic interlude here in an improtu kiss between strangers who are both consenting, a perfect 100 word dash entry! I wish you luck, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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A romantic and erotic interlude here in an improtu kiss between strangers who are both consenting, a perfect 100 word dash entry! I wish you luck, love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. It is much appreciated : )
Comment from hvysmker
Brings back fond memories, Kazzawin.
I have problems with Flash fiction. Guess I'm too verbal. Just now, I tried to put down a 100 word one to match yours and ended up with almost 300 words. I just can't do it, he-he. Anyway, here it is:
After paying the taxi driver, I turned to visually scan a dreary dark street. Although the only businesses open were a McD's and porno outlets, the merchandise stood out under harsh halogen streetlights. So, this was the local "stroll"?
Honolulu by night did, on first look, resemble Paris. Maybe it was the warm heavy atmosphere, or the heat of anticipation hardly broken by a uniformed patrolman sneaking a smoke in a recessed doorway? Safety for the girls were a priority.
Available ladies were a necessity for a convention city, drawing in vacationing men such as myself. After dark, sin sells better than bibles, tastier than burgers.
Lighting my own Marlboro, I moved against a picture window to let a clot of older men wearing Aloha shirts and white shoes squeeze by, rough, randy, and ready. Sober, myself, I was randy and ready, though feeling sentimental rather than rough. Sampling well-used wares seemed preferable to sitting alone in a hotel room watching a boob tube. The relative warmth of real boobs sure as hell beat electronic substitutes.
Directly across the street, a small black girl talked to a large white man, him three times her weight. He seemed insistent while she shook her head. I could image what went through both their heads. He'd feel safe with such a tiny paramour, much different than a chubby middle-aged wife, while she'd think of her vulnerability, not to mention his huge weight on lying on her chest.
Finally, several things happened, almost simultaneously. A dark hand drifted over to grab her crotch, he bent down to kiss her on the lips, and another cop came out of nowhere to chastise them both. No touching was allowed on the street. In private was their business, and face-kissing cost extra.
Charlie
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Brings back fond memories, Kazzawin.
I have problems with Flash fiction. Guess I'm too verbal. Just now, I tried to put down a 100 word one to match yours and ended up with almost 300 words. I just can't do it, he-he. Anyway, here it is:
After paying the taxi driver, I turned to visually scan a dreary dark street. Although the only businesses open were a McD's and porno outlets, the merchandise stood out under harsh halogen streetlights. So, this was the local "stroll"?
Honolulu by night did, on first look, resemble Paris. Maybe it was the warm heavy atmosphere, or the heat of anticipation hardly broken by a uniformed patrolman sneaking a smoke in a recessed doorway? Safety for the girls were a priority.
Available ladies were a necessity for a convention city, drawing in vacationing men such as myself. After dark, sin sells better than bibles, tastier than burgers.
Lighting my own Marlboro, I moved against a picture window to let a clot of older men wearing Aloha shirts and white shoes squeeze by, rough, randy, and ready. Sober, myself, I was randy and ready, though feeling sentimental rather than rough. Sampling well-used wares seemed preferable to sitting alone in a hotel room watching a boob tube. The relative warmth of real boobs sure as hell beat electronic substitutes.
Directly across the street, a small black girl talked to a large white man, him three times her weight. He seemed insistent while she shook her head. I could image what went through both their heads. He'd feel safe with such a tiny paramour, much different than a chubby middle-aged wife, while she'd think of her vulnerability, not to mention his huge weight on lying on her chest.
Finally, several things happened, almost simultaneously. A dark hand drifted over to grab her crotch, he bent down to kiss her on the lips, and another cop came out of nowhere to chastise them both. No touching was allowed on the street. In private was their business, and face-kissing cost extra.
Charlie
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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You see, you have set the scene with detail.....flash fiction doesn't allow you that luxury.
Good story anyway, and of course you've relayed the whole point about the 'kissing'.
Thank you so very much for the 6 twinkly stars.......it was generous and kind and I truly appreciate them : )
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think this is one of the best entries for this competition I've read so far. On point, no flabbiness and you manage to set a good scene and get the story told in the allotted word span.
nicely done
GMG
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Hi there,
I think this is one of the best entries for this competition I've read so far. On point, no flabbiness and you manage to set a good scene and get the story told in the allotted word span.
nicely done
GMG
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Always appreciated : )
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
This is an interesting story.
It makes me wonder if the character is a prostitute or if a couple is role playing.
Nice artwork: The image shown supports the story.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your 100 Word Dash.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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This is an interesting story.
It makes me wonder if the character is a prostitute or if a couple is role playing.
Nice artwork: The image shown supports the story.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your 100 Word Dash.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Many thanks for your kind review. Always appreciated : )
Comment from papa55mike
This is the sexiest one of these entries I've read today. This is wonderfully written with a great twist at the end. Fun will be had by all! I love these 100 word dashes, very interesting.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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This is the sexiest one of these entries I've read today. This is wonderfully written with a great twist at the end. Fun will be had by all! I love these 100 word dashes, very interesting.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Haha...thank you for such a great review. It is very much appreciated : )
Comment from Bill Schott
This one-hundred-word story about a first kiss, At Work, starts out with an indefinite gender for our narrator and leads us to what seems like a pole or lap dancer. Funny and hot.
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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This one-hundred-word story about a first kiss, At Work, starts out with an indefinite gender for our narrator and leads us to what seems like a pole or lap dancer. Funny and hot.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. Very much appreciated : )
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written dash fiction about a kiss. After a longhot and sweaty day. A stranger with good looks and blue eyes appears from nowhere and kiss the author and claims for an extra 20.
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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A very well-written dash fiction about a kiss. After a longhot and sweaty day. A stranger with good looks and blue eyes appears from nowhere and kiss the author and claims for an extra 20.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. Very much appreciated : )
Comment from BeasPeas
You've done a great job with this short write. Amazing that kissing (the least part of the encounter) costs an extra 20. The incongruity brought a smile. Marilyn
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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You've done a great job with this short write. Amazing that kissing (the least part of the encounter) costs an extra 20. The incongruity brought a smile. Marilyn
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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During my many journeys through literature I've picked up that those who work the streets rarely allow kissing. Because of its personal nature it is usually reserved for their 'personal' relationships. That's what I've read anyway!!!
Thank you for reading and your kind words, they are very much appreciated : )
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I've heard that, too.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hello, Kazzawin.
Nice photo art to get the ball rollin' here so to speak.
Is there something wrong with hazel or green eyes?
The only reason I ask is because almost every story I've read involved in this contest, the "mysterious other" has had 'piercing blue eyes.'
Not green, nor hazel (although one was chocolate brown)...just blue.
As for me, I prefer red heads with gorgeous green eyes myself.
Just sayin'...
Ah, so she was a lady of the night.
I gotta admit, I didn't see that comin'.
I'd hoped he was some modern-day version of jack the Ripper.
Oh well, you can't have everything.
Good story, in all seriousness, with a nice twist at the climax.
No pun intended...
Good luck in the contest, Kazzawin.
~Dean
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Hello, Kazzawin.
Nice photo art to get the ball rollin' here so to speak.
Is there something wrong with hazel or green eyes?
The only reason I ask is because almost every story I've read involved in this contest, the "mysterious other" has had 'piercing blue eyes.'
Not green, nor hazel (although one was chocolate brown)...just blue.
As for me, I prefer red heads with gorgeous green eyes myself.
Just sayin'...
Ah, so she was a lady of the night.
I gotta admit, I didn't see that comin'.
I'd hoped he was some modern-day version of jack the Ripper.
Oh well, you can't have everything.
Good story, in all seriousness, with a nice twist at the climax.
No pun intended...
Good luck in the contest, Kazzawin.
~Dean
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Haha.......yes, the wicked in me couldn't resist making it a little less slushy!
Not that there is anything wrong with that but it's good to ring the changes.
Thank you Sir for a great review.....and there is nothing wrong with green, brown or yellow eyes!! Just thought blue would be more striking in the dusk : )
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You...and everyone else, lol.
And, please, don't call me "sir".
Dean is fine.
It makes me feel rather...antediluvian, heh-heh...
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Oh, by the way, I hope my vote helps.
You're tied for third with 3 votes as of now...
Good luck!
~Dean
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Bless you.....you are most kind. Getting one vote is great, I'm glad I'm doing better than the last contest I entered.
Many thanks : )
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You bet.
I read all of the entries--every one.
I felt yours was the best by far.
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Thanks so much.....I am greatly encouraged : )
