Picture This
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "When Rain Obscures the Light"poems from Picture This Challenge
41 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A meloncholy and sad write about a lonely man walking in the rain with his memories, never seeing the sun or having a light hearted moment, fabulously rhymed with an easy flow throughout, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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A meloncholy and sad write about a lonely man walking in the rain with his memories, never seeing the sun or having a light hearted moment, fabulously rhymed with an easy flow throughout, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you, Dolly, for your lovely review.The man in the picture looked so sad, I just went with it. Perhaps he'll find her again!! LOL. :) Sandra xx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is great Sandra. Perfect rhyme and meter, but I expect nothing less from you my friend. So happy to see a post from you. It should do very well in the contest.Good Luck!
Nancy
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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This is great Sandra. Perfect rhyme and meter, but I expect nothing less from you my friend. So happy to see a post from you. It should do very well in the contest.Good Luck!
Nancy
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Aww, what a lovely thing to say, thank you, Nancy. I am going to make myself write now, it's been a long time since I was in the habit of writing every day. It's not a contest. Thank you so much for the 6 stars! You are a love. :) Sandra xxx
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Oh that's right. It was a picture this thingee! LOL Well it was great anyhow.
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LOL, Thingee!!! Love it! xx
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow! THIS is why I always save a six for late in the week. What a masterpiece. I started to pick out my favorite line and came up with these:
He wanders through the city streets when rain obscures the light
His eyes are lowered, collar up, his face is out of sight
The shadows of the people passing by are unaware
They do not know this enigmatic man is even there
His heart was taken long ago, she stole it with a kiss
He'd never known such happiness, his waking hours' bliss
She'd given him the joy of life, the laughter and the fun
And when the sky was overcast, her smile brought out the sun
Until that day when he woke up to grey clouds in the sky
His love had gone away, he knew not where, or even why
He's searched the whole world over, and he'll search for ever more
Until she's in his arms again, his heart's a shrivelled core.
He wanders through the city streets when rain obscures the light
A broken shell of who he was, he disappears from sight
It's perfect... almost. One teensy tiny glitch. You put a period at the end of line 12. LOL!
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Wow! THIS is why I always save a six for late in the week. What a masterpiece. I started to pick out my favorite line and came up with these:
He wanders through the city streets when rain obscures the light
His eyes are lowered, collar up, his face is out of sight
The shadows of the people passing by are unaware
They do not know this enigmatic man is even there
His heart was taken long ago, she stole it with a kiss
He'd never known such happiness, his waking hours' bliss
She'd given him the joy of life, the laughter and the fun
And when the sky was overcast, her smile brought out the sun
Until that day when he woke up to grey clouds in the sky
His love had gone away, he knew not where, or even why
He's searched the whole world over, and he'll search for ever more
Until she's in his arms again, his heart's a shrivelled core.
He wanders through the city streets when rain obscures the light
A broken shell of who he was, he disappears from sight
It's perfect... almost. One teensy tiny glitch. You put a period at the end of line 12. LOL!
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Bless your heart, my friend. I've corrected that error. LOL! I've been off writing for so long, I've had to pull my horns in and get cracking again. I've started another book which I'll start posting when I have a few chapters sorted. I still like to write my story/poems, so the Picture This challenges will keep that going now. I'm glad you liked this one a little bit, :) :) :) Big hugs, and sloppy cheek kisses! xxxxx
Comment from aryr
This was a piece of powerful writing Sandra. Such strong emotions are demonstrated. The reading flow is easy to read and understand. The rhyme pattern is great. There is such sadness and such determination. Great job, thank you so much.
PS I hope life is settling a bit, just know you are in everyone's thoughts.
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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This was a piece of powerful writing Sandra. Such strong emotions are demonstrated. The reading flow is easy to read and understand. The rhyme pattern is great. There is such sadness and such determination. Great job, thank you so much.
PS I hope life is settling a bit, just know you are in everyone's thoughts.
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Alie. The picture came across as so sad when I first looked at it, and I couldn't get that thought out of my mind so had to go with it. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it though, thanks, my friend. :) xxx
I am dealing with it a little better now. My dear daughter-in-law and my brother both have cancer and they are so positive they put me to shame. I've given myself a big kick and have made myself sit down and start writing. Thanks for asking, that was so sweet of you. :) xxx
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You are so welcome Sandra and I am glad you are pulling it together. Anytime you need to talk I am a good listener/ reader and there is no time frame on the offer. Take care my friend- Alie
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Thank you, so are such a lovely friend. xxx
Comment from RGstar
Yes, nicely done, Sandra. I like this dramatic image chosen by Jax. Its fun to read the different entries. I thought of joining but I received no info of the schedule, and I guess its once every two weeks when I usually submit my own.
Great write.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Yes, nicely done, Sandra. I like this dramatic image chosen by Jax. Its fun to read the different entries. I thought of joining but I received no info of the schedule, and I guess its once every two weeks when I usually submit my own.
Great write.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you so much, my friend. Yes, Jax has been away for a quite a while so that's probably why you didn't get a response. It's ever two weeks on the Monday after 2pm US time. I post mine normally at about 4pm UK time. But, as you can see, sometimes they don't come out on the right day! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this, I've been off site for ages, because I just haven't been able to write. There is too much sadness happening in my family due to cancer. Thanks again, RG. :) Sandra xx
Comment from pbomar1115
Certainly, this is a man who've experienced love. But the poem implies he yearns for one who loves him and leaves him, as they say, "high and dry." This guy wastes away to become a shell of a man, a not so manly type for the average woman and walks the street looking for the love or that woman who broke his heart. This is a sad man.
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Certainly, this is a man who've experienced love. But the poem implies he yearns for one who loves him and leaves him, as they say, "high and dry." This guy wastes away to become a shell of a man, a not so manly type for the average woman and walks the street looking for the love or that woman who broke his heart. This is a sad man.
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you for reading my Picture This poem, it is a sad one, but there are so many out there like this poor man. So sad. xxx Sandra
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You're welcome.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and interpretation of the 'picture this' challenge. A man appears on a rainy night seeking his love who left him without a word or reason. He is now just a broken shell that disappears from sight.
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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A very well-written poem and interpretation of the 'picture this' challenge. A man appears on a rainy night seeking his love who left him without a word or reason. He is now just a broken shell that disappears from sight.
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Sandra. I will have a look for yours, (I take it you've written one?) I am so late and haven't written one for ages, or anything else come to that. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Better late than never. This is a sonnet, right? I have lost track of what the forms are, I have seen so many different ones lately. Very well done in rhyme and flow and story content
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Better late than never. This is a sonnet, right? I have lost track of what the forms are, I have seen so many different ones lately. Very well done in rhyme and flow and story content
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Barb! I tried to find yours, what do you put yours in? I notice you have lots of separate files. I have no idea what this form is, although most of my 'Picture This Challenge' poems have been written with the 14 syllable heptameter form. I'm glad you enjoyed it, my friend. Now let me know where I can find yours! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Sandra. This is an excellent poem. It's written clearly with great word choices and flow. Sorry I don't have a sixer for you on this one. Favorite lines:
"He's searched the whole world over, and he'll search for ever more
Until she's in his arms again, his heart's a shriveled core."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Hi Sandra. This is an excellent poem. It's written clearly with great word choices and flow. Sorry I don't have a sixer for you on this one. Favorite lines:
"He's searched the whole world over, and he'll search for ever more
Until she's in his arms again, his heart's a shriveled core."
Marilyn
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you, Marilyn, your review is 6 enough for me. I'm hoping my lack of interest is over with now, and I'm not going to sink into that sorry state again. I'm glad you enjoyed it, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from mbroyles2
What terrific imagery you present here of a broken man that many do not notice.
The theme "when rain obscures the light " is perfect.
Wonderful writing!
Michael
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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What terrific imagery you present here of a broken man that many do not notice.
The theme "when rain obscures the light " is perfect.
Wonderful writing!
Michael
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thank you, Michael. I love these challenges and have missed doing them, but back now and going forward with my writing again. I'm really pleased you enjoyed it. Big hugs! :) Sandra xx
