O Come Away
I need a longer vacation!72 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
A first rate modern sonnet that follows the shakespearean form perfectly in all the important areas, rhyme scheme, meter and development. the volta at line nine has no "but" yet it looks at the departure in a totally different light so is definitely a "turn".
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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A first rate modern sonnet that follows the shakespearean form perfectly in all the important areas, rhyme scheme, meter and development. the volta at line nine has no "but" yet it looks at the departure in a totally different light so is definitely a "turn".
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
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Yes, Jim, my original volta line began with "but," but I decided to focus on my tears before the plane's departure from paradise. As you said, this is definitely a "turn"--one I did not want to make. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Yes, I agree with you my friend, the breaks you take from work pay you back manifold when you return because you come back with a fresher mind and newer thinking. Some of your best ideas come when you're on vacation. Glad you're home safe and sound. Hello and kisses to Minta....
Bill~
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Yes, I agree with you my friend, the breaks you take from work pay you back manifold when you return because you come back with a fresher mind and newer thinking. Some of your best ideas come when you're on vacation. Glad you're home safe and sound. Hello and kisses to Minta....
Bill~
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Yes, Bill, my Mexican vacation inspired my first two sonnets and two haiku--poems I would not have written if I had remained in the States. Thank you for your review. I told Mina hello for you.
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem tells the sad end of any vacation. The rest does have to end sometime.
You give strong images of a tropical isle in the sonnet with good internal rhyme along with the standard end rhyme.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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This poem tells the sad end of any vacation. The rest does have to end sometime.
You give strong images of a tropical isle in the sonnet with good internal rhyme along with the standard end rhyme.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Thank you, Joan, for your review and for wishing me success in the contest. I appreciate it.
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My pleasure.
Joan
Comment from Sanku
A very good entry for the contest .You have the form right and the ending couplet functions just right .The internal rhymes enhances the poems flow.
I am not a very knowledgeable about the syllables and other constructions .but When I read aloud it flowed very smoothly except at one point,"each heart attaches" I stumbled at the 'attaches' may be my fault
It is a lovely sonnet
All the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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A very good entry for the contest .You have the form right and the ending couplet functions just right .The internal rhymes enhances the poems flow.
I am not a very knowledgeable about the syllables and other constructions .but When I read aloud it flowed very smoothly except at one point,"each heart attaches" I stumbled at the 'attaches' may be my fault
It is a lovely sonnet
All the best for the contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Sanku, for your review. I crafted my poem by reading it aloud and making recordings to ensure a smooth word flow. Thank you also for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from Cmelton
Thank you for the great poem. I like the rhyming scheme and the choice of words. You paint a wonderful picture. This poem has a wonderful flow as well. It was a great read. Thanks.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Thank you for the great poem. I like the rhyming scheme and the choice of words. You paint a wonderful picture. This poem has a wonderful flow as well. It was a great read. Thanks.
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Cmelton, for your review. I am glad you found my sonnet to be a great poem.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I have enjoyed your photos and
poems from Mexico, Sis Cat.
-You have a good sonnet.
-The imagery is good and there
is good progression of ideas.
-In the beginning, you want to
enjoy the waves and the shore.
-The volta is good, as the plane
will have to be taking off from this place.
-Good couplet that pulls the poem together.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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-I have enjoyed your photos and
poems from Mexico, Sis Cat.
-You have a good sonnet.
-The imagery is good and there
is good progression of ideas.
-In the beginning, you want to
enjoy the waves and the shore.
-The volta is good, as the plane
will have to be taking off from this place.
-Good couplet that pulls the poem together.
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Pam, for your review. I had a lot of fun writing this poem about my memories of Mexico.
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You are welcome, Sis Cat. That came through in you poem.
Comment from rspoet
A fine sonnet and entry for the contest
that meets all the requirements of a Shakespearean sonnet
in rhyme, meter, reflective couplet
I'm glad to see you changed the "ocean" line
it reads much better now.
A lot of internal rhyme, but I see no reason not to have it
I think it adds to the "feel" of the water
Excellent picture to match
Well done, good luck in the contest!
We all need a longer vacation,
it's called retirement.
RS
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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A fine sonnet and entry for the contest
that meets all the requirements of a Shakespearean sonnet
in rhyme, meter, reflective couplet
I'm glad to see you changed the "ocean" line
it reads much better now.
A lot of internal rhyme, but I see no reason not to have it
I think it adds to the "feel" of the water
Excellent picture to match
Well done, good luck in the contest!
We all need a longer vacation,
it's called retirement.
RS
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Yes, RS, two poets, Catch22 and Rama Devi, cited the ocean line as forced and problematic. I am glad I changed it. Yes, it does read much better now. Thank you for your encouraging review. Yes, I can't wait until retirement. Thank you for also wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Janet Foor
Another lovely sonnet Andre. A beautiful longing expressed or maybe it's just the need for the longer vacation. haha
I enjoyed reading and loved the imagery in each line.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Another lovely sonnet Andre. A beautiful longing expressed or maybe it's just the need for the longer vacation. haha
I enjoyed reading and loved the imagery in each line.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, Janet, for your review. It cheers me!
Comment from nancyrabbrose
So you are back from Mexico now. I have enjoyed your poetry that Mexico inspired. This sonnet especially touched me because as I read it I realized how much I wish I had gone to the ocean with my daughter who was visiting. Bitter sweet. But a poet knows how it feels to wish for one more chance to touch someone's heart and soul with a sunny day at the sea. I liked the part about the water filling footprints. That image brings the beach right up to me who is sitting here with my laptop. A wonderful sonnet. Thank you.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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So you are back from Mexico now. I have enjoyed your poetry that Mexico inspired. This sonnet especially touched me because as I read it I realized how much I wish I had gone to the ocean with my daughter who was visiting. Bitter sweet. But a poet knows how it feels to wish for one more chance to touch someone's heart and soul with a sunny day at the sea. I liked the part about the water filling footprints. That image brings the beach right up to me who is sitting here with my laptop. A wonderful sonnet. Thank you.
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Yes, Nancy, I made it a point to at least get my feet wet and feel the waves and sand. So often while on vacation, we watch the ocean from a distance without getting in it. Next time I'm putting on trunks and getting in the water. I ache when I read this poem. part of me is still in Mexico--my heart. Thank you for your generous, six star review of my sonnet.
Comment from lalajovanoski
I found this poem to be an excellent contest entry that has very good rhyming throughout. a lot of emotions are felt and full of depth . thanks for sharing this and good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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I found this poem to be an excellent contest entry that has very good rhyming throughout. a lot of emotions are felt and full of depth . thanks for sharing this and good luck in the contest
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Oh, thank you, lalajovanoski, for your review and for wishing me success in the sonnet contest. I appreciate it.
