Comment from JanetRussek

Exceptional

A sad eye opener. What ever happened to the good old days? This piece is genius. As for me, I remember a more simple life. I enjoyed the read, friend. Looking forward to your next work.
Warm Regards,
Janet

 Comment Written 10-May-2017

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reply by the author on 11-May-2017

I am very thankful for the six star review and I am glad you enjoyed the poem. I tried to strip out the emotion by creating this mechanical, computerized kind of meter, like a computer spitting out a print out. Today we turn our backs on the natural in favor of the convenience of the machine and the computer, but the downside is the hollow world they create. We are what we eat: synthetic junk. estory

reply by JanetRussek on 11-May-2017

You did a wonderful job.

Comment from Asem.inspirations

Excellent

Wow estory, this is a very interesting poem. You have a very unique style I must say. Sometimes I even have to get the dictionary to look up some of the words you use. This is a good thing though because this is a learning experience for me. Thank you for what I am learning from your poetry. The Author notes are very helpful and thorough.

Oh and I had to ask my brainiac (genius) son to explain your poem and so he did. He really loves it and connected with it right away.

 Comment Written 07-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for the five star review and for your comments supporting the piece. Glad you enjoyed it and found it so interesting. I like to try new forms and new ways of making music with language. In this piece, I tried for a mechanical, computerized kind of flow to the language, hollowing out the emotions, eliminating emotional genuflections to the words, in order to highlight the theme: mankind turning away from the natural and turning to the convenient, the constructed, the artificial. estory

Comment from lalajovanoski

Excellent

I know I can relate with this! Great rhythm throughout and it really flows smoothly. I really enjoyed this read, as it is cleverly written. thank you very much for sharing this.

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for the excellent review and your comments supporting this poem. I tried to create a language without emotion, an artificial pronunciation, to highlight the theme of mankind turning his back on the natural, and embracing the convenience of machines. estory

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello estory
Artificial Flavors
Good title for your no emotional poem
Sounds like one existence lives alone by just modern technology.

Gert

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for your great review and for your interesting comments. This is exactly the effect I wanted to create to highlight the theme of mankind turning away from the natural, and embracing the mechanized. the result is the loss of emotion. estory

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Poem depicts how a new morning full of exciting promises most often leads to another dull, bland, day when all is said and done.

Sort of like the "mechanical" images you are attempting to display in this poem.

Keep up the good work!

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for the great review and for your comments supporting the experiment I under took in creating this poem. I wanted to strip out the emotion, and I did it by eliminating the emotional cadences and using a mechanized computerized pattern to the language. estory

Comment from loismddavis

Excellent

you have accomplished what you set out to do--and well but I hope one can live more than a hollow life in this cybernetic, chemical environment--as we Brits say keep your pecker up.

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for the great review and for your comments supporting this experimental piece. The more we embrace the convenience of machines, the convenience of computers, the harder it gets to hold onto our emotions. This is the danger of our modern world, maybe its why we have so much intolerance, so much disrespect, today. People are spoiled, they are used to getting their way, they live in a lonely shell communicating via machine, insulated from emotion. estory

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

This reminds me of when I was in college. A health fanatic was telling me about the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. I told him I found an inexpensive drink that my children loved. Red dye number four and cyclamates.

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for your excellent review and for your interesting comments supporting the poem. I had to laugh at the memory you brought up. It is interesting to me how many people keep turning to science today to solve the world's problems, without realizing that science created most of these problems in the first place. The real danger in our world, I think, is the hollowing out of our emotions, as we embrace this mechanized, computerized world where even our relationships are filtered and conducted by machines. We are we eat. Synthetic junk. estory

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Yes, there isn't room for much emotion or thought in today's world. We are motivated by screens, screeches and beeps. The pace is fast, and things are cruel - no wonder people are so mean!
~patty~

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for your excellent review and for your interesting comments supporting the poem. I think you got exactly what I was trying to say, and that makes me glad that the poem was successful. It is experimental I suppose in that I tried to eliminate emotion by stripping out the natural, emotional cadences to the language and replacing it with a mechanized, computerized flow of language to highlight the theme, mankind turning his back on the natural in favor of the convenience of machines. and a hollow, emotionless world is the sad result. we are what we eat. Synthetic junk. estory

Comment from robyn corum

Good

Estory,

I have to disagree. I saw very few alliterations, though I did notice some assonance. I don't get this poem at all. Is it supposed to be about the mundane aspects of human life? Sorry. I hope you won't be offended!

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for your review. In this poem, I stripped out the natural, emotional cadences and replaced them with a mechanized, computerized flow to the language, in order to highlight the theme: mankind turning his back on the natural world in favor of embracing the convenience of the mechanized, computerized world. The result is a hollowing out of emotion. We are what we eat: synthetic junk. estory

Comment from Poetic Friend

Excellent

I think you succeeded with the message you wanted to convey with this poem. The human component was absent, commencing with your morning breakfast and all of its ingredients (artificial flavor).

The poem progresses with technology (which could well be the cell phone that has been enhanced to play video games, serves as a computer, storing data, serve as an answering machine, serves as a remote control and, lastly serves as a mean to communicate with others).
What's left? Lack of human emotions ( or should I say, artificial communication).

This is a thought-provoking poem. Thank you for sharing it.

 Comment Written 06-May-2017

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reply by the author on 09-May-2017

Thanks for your excellent review and for your interesting comments supporting the poem. I think you got exactly what I was trying to say in this piece. I stripped out the emotional cadences of the language and replaced them with a mechanized, computerized flow, in order to highlight this theme of mankind turning his back on the natural world an embracing the convenience of machines and computers, the slick, sweet tasting flavors and glitz of this hollow, metal shell of existence today. We are what we eat: synthetic junk. estory