Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Chapter Acht part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
40 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Wonderful, and fascinating reading as always. I think I get Jeff and Jeremy mixed up. Maybe because the names are similar. Oh, well, we have to deal with similar names in real life, too. Shana certainly isn't at ease with what's happening. Great touch that she mentions the talk about serving finger sandwiches when so much is going on. Shana doesn't seem aware of Anderson's attraction, but she is wrapped up in her problems with the Russians following her. judi
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
  |
Wonderful, and fascinating reading as always. I think I get Jeff and Jeremy mixed up. Maybe because the names are similar. Oh, well, we have to deal with similar names in real life, too. Shana certainly isn't at ease with what's happening. Great touch that she mentions the talk about serving finger sandwiches when so much is going on. Shana doesn't seem aware of Anderson's attraction, but she is wrapped up in her problems with the Russians following her. judi
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
Yes, Shana isn't aware. Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're very welcome. judi
Comment from Gert sherwood
Barb I have many reason for you to continue your novel why Anderson is so concerned of what is upsetting Shana.
How Shana is worried what Jeff said about Anderson--
that the bull tatt means 'one who makes ordered physical executions happen'. Does that mean Morozov wants me dead?
Leave me wondering if it's true
I hope this will not take place
Gert
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
Barb I have many reason for you to continue your novel why Anderson is so concerned of what is upsetting Shana.
How Shana is worried what Jeff said about Anderson--
that the bull tatt means 'one who makes ordered physical executions happen'. Does that mean Morozov wants me dead?
Leave me wondering if it's true
I hope this will not take place
Gert
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Poor Shana, finger sandwiches or her likely murder does seem a bit extreme. I'd be rather concerned too. But, we must eat, and do all the casual things one does in life to stay on top of situations. This was another excellent part, Barbara. The story is unfolding beautifully. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
 |
Poor Shana, finger sandwiches or her likely murder does seem a bit extreme. I'd be rather concerned too. But, we must eat, and do all the casual things one does in life to stay on top of situations. This was another excellent part, Barbara. The story is unfolding beautifully. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from royowen
So while everybody discussing what there ext next meal should consist, it appears that Shana is worried about what Jeff has said about the possibility that Shana could be gun bait, What is Morozov and his cronies up to? Well done, Barbara blessings. Roy
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
So while everybody discussing what there ext next meal should consist, it appears that Shana is worried about what Jeff has said about the possibility that Shana could be gun bait, What is Morozov and his cronies up to? Well done, Barbara blessings. Roy
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
I am wondering what Morozov and his group are up to myself. I hope they tell me soon. Thank you for the kind review.
-
Heh heh, very funny, good answer Barbara
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Not much happened. They're just waiting. I think you could have cut this chapter in half and added it on to the next part to come.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
Not much happened. They're just waiting. I think you could have cut this chapter in half and added it on to the next part to come.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
Could be. I will see how it comes out in the end when I put the entire chapter together. I thought about it and figured it would all come too close and not seem reasonable. I will see. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
I found it comforting to know that Anderson is human and able to stick his foot in his mouth. I understand Shana's concerns and know I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing the Russian mob might be after me. I anxiously wait for the next chapter and hope they can get some answers to their questions. Nice work with this chapter. I didn't find any mistakes or things than needed changing.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
I found it comforting to know that Anderson is human and able to stick his foot in his mouth. I understand Shana's concerns and know I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing the Russian mob might be after me. I anxiously wait for the next chapter and hope they can get some answers to their questions. Nice work with this chapter. I didn't find any mistakes or things than needed changing.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
I'm trying to make a list for Shana to ask Jeremy. Oh my!! The messes I write myself into. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
-
Good luck, I am sure you will come up with something.
Comment from Apostle Janos
The writing is not bad and the dialogue feels natural, but I think the chapter is lacking in a sense, plot-wise. Nothing seems to happen. Is the plot forwarded in some way in your view? I haven't read the previous chapters and its hard to follow because of many name-drops. Also it is quite short, so this small scene may be all that is needed, to show Jane's doubts and worries and to bridge a gap between meetings, that's why I didn't subtract any stars.
I also have a minor correction to propose:
"Helen started clearing dishes." -cleaning?
Also this particular chapter seems to need no adult warnings, it's pretty clean.
Cheers,
Apo
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
The writing is not bad and the dialogue feels natural, but I think the chapter is lacking in a sense, plot-wise. Nothing seems to happen. Is the plot forwarded in some way in your view? I haven't read the previous chapters and its hard to follow because of many name-drops. Also it is quite short, so this small scene may be all that is needed, to show Jane's doubts and worries and to bridge a gap between meetings, that's why I didn't subtract any stars.
I also have a minor correction to propose:
"Helen started clearing dishes." -cleaning?
Also this particular chapter seems to need no adult warnings, it's pretty clean.
Cheers,
Apo
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
This is part 3 of a much longer chapter and I did mean clearing the dishes from the table. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mbroyles2
I truly enjoy all the complex characters that surround Drew. They all have their unique duties and input. They share a common goal and go out of their way to make Shana feel comfortable. Hopefully Jeremy can provide answers.
Very well written!
Michael
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
I truly enjoy all the complex characters that surround Drew. They all have their unique duties and input. They share a common goal and go out of their way to make Shana feel comfortable. Hopefully Jeremy can provide answers.
Very well written!
Michael
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
I hope Jeremy can too. Jeff is telling me he'll have some excitement. I wonder if he's going to write it for me too. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
A wonderful continuation of your fascinating story Barbara, you keep every detail so real, the story pacy and I always enjoy the read. Kindest regards and very well done Meia x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
A wonderful continuation of your fascinating story Barbara, you keep every detail so real, the story pacy and I always enjoy the read. Kindest regards and very well done Meia x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Janilou
A little difficult to figure out what's going on in the story at this advanced chapter, but I will say you have some great descriptions, the coffee, the finger sandwiches. Great!
Notes:
"While you walked Jeff to the elevator, he did. He can't meet at 2:00. His unit has a softball game scheduled, and he's the catcher. He wants to know if he can come at 10:30."
"That's even better." Anderson took a bite of biscuits smothered with sausage gravy. "Jeff was right. This is good."
After Jane spoke with Jeremy, she said, "He'll be here at 10:30."
I was told by other reviewers that we should always write out numbers in dialogue. For example:
"While you walked Jeff to the elevator, he did. He can't meet at two. His unit has a softball game scheduled, and he's the catcher. He wants to know if he can come at ten-thirty."
"That's even better." Anderson took a bite of biscuits smothered with sausage gravy. "Jeff was right. This is good."
After Jane spoke with Jeremy, she said, "He'll be here at ten-thirty."
I could be wrong, but I do believe that is the correct way to write numbers in dialogue.
Hope this helps.
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
|
A little difficult to figure out what's going on in the story at this advanced chapter, but I will say you have some great descriptions, the coffee, the finger sandwiches. Great!
Notes:
"While you walked Jeff to the elevator, he did. He can't meet at 2:00. His unit has a softball game scheduled, and he's the catcher. He wants to know if he can come at 10:30."
"That's even better." Anderson took a bite of biscuits smothered with sausage gravy. "Jeff was right. This is good."
After Jane spoke with Jeremy, she said, "He'll be here at 10:30."
I was told by other reviewers that we should always write out numbers in dialogue. For example:
"While you walked Jeff to the elevator, he did. He can't meet at two. His unit has a softball game scheduled, and he's the catcher. He wants to know if he can come at ten-thirty."
"That's even better." Anderson took a bite of biscuits smothered with sausage gravy. "Jeff was right. This is good."
After Jane spoke with Jeremy, she said, "He'll be here at ten-thirty."
I could be wrong, but I do believe that is the correct way to write numbers in dialogue.
Hope this helps.
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
-
You are correct. I thought time was an exception and I just checked my books. If I use AM and PM, I can get by with the numbers. I have changed it. Thank you.
