The Cautious Woman
Questions for a prospective husband.29 total reviews
Comment from emptypage
Ah... the juxtaposition of her poetic vision with his crass every day point of view comes off beautifully, showing the intentions of each; her, loftier by far, his more of a bachelor's survivalist goal with no real emotional connection.
This is fresh, compared to every other dialogue challenge I've seen. Very creative and, as such, effective in a way other approaches cannot be.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Ah... the juxtaposition of her poetic vision with his crass every day point of view comes off beautifully, showing the intentions of each; her, loftier by far, his more of a bachelor's survivalist goal with no real emotional connection.
This is fresh, compared to every other dialogue challenge I've seen. Very creative and, as such, effective in a way other approaches cannot be.
Good luck.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I can see where most guys would think a woman was nuts for talking like she did. LOL
Comment from kathleenspalding
Haha - You go, girl! Excellent dialogue and story! Enjoyed the quotes from the poem and also the author's notes, which make it that much more interesting. I did not see anything that needed to be corrected.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Haha - You go, girl! Excellent dialogue and story! Enjoyed the quotes from the poem and also the author's notes, which make it that much more interesting. I did not see anything that needed to be corrected.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you for reading and commenting. This was a fun story to write. I think most guys would think a woman was nuts it she started talking like that. LOL
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You're welcome. I agree. :-D
Comment from MsPetra
I didn't get the humor. I do appreciate your effort though. I could see what you were trying to do. Edit it some and you can make it a little more comical.
You have a good beginning here, work on it some more and make it great!
Please keep writing. I am looking forward to your next offering.
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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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I didn't get the humor. I do appreciate your effort though. I could see what you were trying to do. Edit it some and you can make it a little more comical.
You have a good beginning here, work on it some more and make it great!
Please keep writing. I am looking forward to your next offering.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I am a hard worker and will promise to support you the best I can. I'm not a woman chaser, except for you, and am faithful to a tee. My dog will vouch for me 'on that last item. I'm kind to kids, animals, and old folks. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I'm not one of those fellas who miss the toilet when they pee, and I never leave the lid up. My mother pounded that into me at a young age. If you want, I will give you a list of my virtues and my flaws, so you know what you're getting. As for now, I'm getting tired of this nonsense, and want only a simple yes or no. What do you say, Honey?" '
I laughed and smiled at this wonderful dialogue piece. It is superb. Well done that proposal sounds A ok to me :) Love Meia x
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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I am a hard worker and will promise to support you the best I can. I'm not a woman chaser, except for you, and am faithful to a tee. My dog will vouch for me 'on that last item. I'm kind to kids, animals, and old folks. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I'm not one of those fellas who miss the toilet when they pee, and I never leave the lid up. My mother pounded that into me at a young age. If you want, I will give you a list of my virtues and my flaws, so you know what you're getting. As for now, I'm getting tired of this nonsense, and want only a simple yes or no. What do you say, Honey?" '
I laughed and smiled at this wonderful dialogue piece. It is superb. Well done that proposal sounds A ok to me :) Love Meia x
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm ever so glad that you liked the story. It was kind of fun to write.
Comment from light
I loved this. It's obvious that the man did not take marriage seriously, or at least the woman questioned his sincerity. I do not recall the book of poetry,but she used it beautifully.
Best wishes in the contest.
Elaine
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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I loved this. It's obvious that the man did not take marriage seriously, or at least the woman questioned his sincerity. I do not recall the book of poetry,but she used it beautifully.
Best wishes in the contest.
Elaine
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you. The book of poetry is very old. I doubt that to many folks have read it. I do remember learning the poem in grade school but that was a long time ago. LOL
Comment from janalma
Good one. I think it would not be so easy to write a story using quoted material for one of the characters. You did it well. Tho, I'm surprised the guy didn't turn and run away. Lol.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Good one. I think it would not be so easy to write a story using quoted material for one of the characters. You did it well. Tho, I'm surprised the guy didn't turn and run away. Lol.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thanks. Most guys would have cut and run it some gal talked like that. My husband would think I lost my marbles if I quoted stuff like that to him. LOL
Comment from LoannaLois
I know how hard this one was to write! The conversation, alone,is difficult when it is coming from one source...let alone two!! It's fun that your verbiage source was a poem you remembered from high school.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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I know how hard this one was to write! The conversation, alone,is difficult when it is coming from one source...let alone two!! It's fun that your verbiage source was a poem you remembered from high school.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I found this fun to write and actually easier with one set of speech written out for me.
Comment from apky
Thank you so much for this really humorous piece.
Smart girl, poetic with the right answers and suggestions.
But he? Here's the typical Mr Man:
"I am a hard worker and will promise to support you the best I can. I'm not a woman chaser, except for you, and am faithful to a tee. My dog will vouch for me on that last item. I'm kind to kids, animals, and old folks. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I'm not one of those fellas who miss the toilet when they pee, and I never leave the lid up. My mother pounded that into me at a young age. If you want, I will give you a list of my virtues and my flaws, so you know what you're getting. As for now, I'm getting tired of this nonsense, and want only a simple yes or no. What do you say, Honey?"
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for this really humorous piece.
Smart girl, poetic with the right answers and suggestions.
But he? Here's the typical Mr Man:
"I am a hard worker and will promise to support you the best I can. I'm not a woman chaser, except for you, and am faithful to a tee. My dog will vouch for me on that last item. I'm kind to kids, animals, and old folks. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I'm not one of those fellas who miss the toilet when they pee, and I never leave the lid up. My mother pounded that into me at a young age. If you want, I will give you a list of my virtues and my flaws, so you know what you're getting. As for now, I'm getting tired of this nonsense, and want only a simple yes or no. What do you say, Honey?"
Comment Written 24-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thanks for reading and commenting. This was a fun story to write. So glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Heidi M
I loved the way you worked in her responses to what he was saying. They were communicating on two very different levels.
'a seamstress (you're) wanting'
The 'I require all things' and 'If you cannot do this' paragraphs are being spoken by Jessica. The first paragraph should not have end quotation marks on it.
The last two paragraphs are being spoken by the same speaker (him), so the first of those should not have end quotation marks. That's a strange but true punctuation rule.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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I loved the way you worked in her responses to what he was saying. They were communicating on two very different levels.
'a seamstress (you're) wanting'
The 'I require all things' and 'If you cannot do this' paragraphs are being spoken by Jessica. The first paragraph should not have end quotation marks on it.
The last two paragraphs are being spoken by the same speaker (him), so the first of those should not have end quotation marks. That's a strange but true punctuation rule.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your comments and tips. Hmm, I never heard that quotation rule you just told me about. It would seem that, as separate paragraphs, they would each need the quotation marks. I guess one is never too old to learn something new. LOL
Comment from Tpa
I thought your work was flawless. Many factors were very true. Good idea that a man would tell his flaws before their marriage and not during.
A delightful text
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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I thought your work was flawless. Many factors were very true. Good idea that a man would tell his flaws before their marriage and not during.
A delightful text
Comment Written 23-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2017
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Thanks for reading and commenting. This was fun to write and I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
