Valley floor butcher
Begin this story contest entry9 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your appeal, in this brief beginning to your story, to our senses of sight, smell, sound and touch. I certainly wanted to learn how the tale continued and ended. I hope your post did well in the contest. Smiles- Joan
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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I admired your appeal, in this brief beginning to your story, to our senses of sight, smell, sound and touch. I certainly wanted to learn how the tale continued and ended. I hope your post did well in the contest. Smiles- Joan
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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Thank you Joan for the awesome review. I hope to get back into the groove of things after the first of the year.
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Here's to a productive 2018! -Joan
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Here! Here!
Comment from Louise Michelle
You did a fabulous job with this writing challenge. Strong beginning grabs the reader's attention. Definitely a lot here that could be expanded. Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2017
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You did a fabulous job with this writing challenge. Strong beginning grabs the reader's attention. Definitely a lot here that could be expanded. Well done!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2017
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Thank you Louise for the awesome review.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It's hard to review just an opening 100 words of any story but you've done a pretty good job here of introducing some interest and intrigue. Technically sound too.
her lips took on a opalescent hue - I think it should be an rather than a here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2017
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Hi there,
It's hard to review just an opening 100 words of any story but you've done a pretty good job here of introducing some interest and intrigue. Technically sound too.
her lips took on a opalescent hue - I think it should be an rather than a here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2017
Thank you GMG for the awesome review my friend! I have been absorbing all critique on my chapters and will have chapter 3 up by Sunday. I appreciate all the dedication that you, Dean and a couple of others have shown. To help a fellow author grow in their weak areas is a true testament of who you are.
God bless and thank you my friend.
Steve
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good start. I like the last line. You changed the tense from past to present.. not a good idea, as it throws off the reader.
One bit of spag:
the sting of multiple lacerations assault her mutilated body
Should say ASSAULTS, since the subject noun is STING (singular), not LACERATIONS. The sting assaults.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Good start. I like the last line. You changed the tense from past to present.. not a good idea, as it throws off the reader.
One bit of spag:
the sting of multiple lacerations assault her mutilated body
Should say ASSAULTS, since the subject noun is STING (singular), not LACERATIONS. The sting assaults.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Thank you Phyllis for the awesome review and absolute, necessary tips my friend. I have edited this piece and it should now be in the past tense with the exception of her speaking.
God bless!
Comment from Mustang Patty
thank you for sharing your entry for the Begin this Story Contest. You used the beginning lines and added to them your hook. Once I saw that the main character was a woman, I wondered what she was doing there. My question was quickly answered as you described her wounds. Well done and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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thank you for sharing your entry for the Begin this Story Contest. You used the beginning lines and added to them your hook. Once I saw that the main character was a woman, I wondered what she was doing there. My question was quickly answered as you described her wounds. Well done and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 19-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Thank you Patty as always my friend.
God bless!
Comment from SeanFox16
Excellent entry to the competition and a good benchmark for the rest of us to follow. I loved the determination, and never say die attitude of the main character. As always, my only gripe with this story, as with all 100 word stories, is that they leave me hungry for more. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Excellent entry to the competition and a good benchmark for the rest of us to follow. I loved the determination, and never say die attitude of the main character. As always, my only gripe with this story, as with all 100 word stories, is that they leave me hungry for more. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Thank you Sean for the awesome review my friend. This may find itself lengthening some in the near future. I enjoyed the prompt.
God bless!
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very intriguing beginning. Nice flow, great description. I definitely want to read more. That brings me to the one problem I see, it ended way too soon, darn limits lol. Good luck on your contest. Take care. If you decide to add to this, please let me know.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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This is a very intriguing beginning. Nice flow, great description. I definitely want to read more. That brings me to the one problem I see, it ended way too soon, darn limits lol. Good luck on your contest. Take care. If you decide to add to this, please let me know.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Thank you Misty for the awesome review my friend.
God bless.
Will let you know if this one lengthens. I enjoyed the prompt.
Comment from kahpot
An excellent read to be able to write like this, when given two sentences to start I think is quite remarkable very well done good luck in your competition****kahpot
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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An excellent read to be able to write like this, when given two sentences to start I think is quite remarkable very well done good luck in your competition****kahpot
Comment Written 19-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Thank you Kahpot for this excellent, inspiring review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from MsPetra
Well done for the prompt. I liked where you went with it. I didn't see anything that needs fixing. You did a great job.
I am looking forward to future offerings from you.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Well done for the prompt. I liked where you went with it. I didn't see anything that needs fixing. You did a great job.
I am looking forward to future offerings from you.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
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Thank you MsPetra for the awesome review.
God bless!
