Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Big Announcement"A Novel of the Breedline Series
7 total reviews
Comment from Natali Holden
"Jace glanced down at Tessa and gave her a look so filled with love she would never forget." This sentence stands out to me. It has something a lot of people can connect with, remembering the time when your lover looked at you full of love. I love that you have Alexander offer to walk Mia down the aisle. It meant so much to her and your characters are easy to care about. I didn't see anything I would change. Good job!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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"Jace glanced down at Tessa and gave her a look so filled with love she would never forget." This sentence stands out to me. It has something a lot of people can connect with, remembering the time when your lover looked at you full of love. I love that you have Alexander offer to walk Mia down the aisle. It meant so much to her and your characters are easy to care about. I didn't see anything I would change. Good job!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Wow... thank you, Natali :)
I love to write about my characters, Jace and Tessa. BTW, she is actually ten years older than him. His love for her is breathtaking. They are my favorite! I have found an image for Jace. His name is Justin Zabinski. If you Google him, you'll see he's a model and super hot. I contacted him and he posed for a photo of my character inside this book. He's actually a really nice guy. I'm going to have him on the cover of my next book. All the ladies enjoy looking at him. :)
So happy to hear you're getting into the storyline and characters. I appreciate that. Love to hear about it!
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Simply flawless, Shana. This was definitely a very romantic chapter. It seems love is in the air in the Breedline Covenant. You did a fantastic job illustrating the emotions between your characters. Looking forward to the wedding.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Simply flawless, Shana. This was definitely a very romantic chapter. It seems love is in the air in the Breedline Covenant. You did a fantastic job illustrating the emotions between your characters. Looking forward to the wedding.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Thank you, ngage! :)
Your kind words and review really encourages me more than you know. I appreciate your dedication to my story. I hope to keep you entertained and thrilled with new adventures of my Breedline.
Thanks again my friend,
Shana :)
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
This is a very good story.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Great dialogue.
The author's notes are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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This is a very good story.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Great dialogue.
The author's notes are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Comment Written 11-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Thank you, Nicole :)
So glad you enjoyed the chapter. I appreciate the awesome review. Your positive feedback is great to hear.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from valmay
I enjoyed your excellent writing although this is the first piece of your saga I have read. My only little suggestion is in P.9 you put an 'a' before love. (to change it to a noun). Hope to read the book soon.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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I enjoyed your excellent writing although this is the first piece of your saga I have read. My only little suggestion is in P.9 you put an 'a' before love. (to change it to a noun). Hope to read the book soon.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Thank you, Valmay :)
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. And thanks for catching my typo. It's great to have another pair of eyes on this. I can read it a hundred times, and miss something. Your great!
Shana :)
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I am so the same Shana. I see what I wanted to write, rather than what I DID write. Usually far more often than you do I'm sure.
Comment from chcbeck
Great story well thought out and great characters. As a new reader I feel there was ample extra information to help. Great read and I will look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Great story well thought out and great characters. As a new reader I feel there was ample extra information to help. Great read and I will look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Thank you :)
I appreciate the encouraging review and kind words. It's nice to hear from a new reader. I hope to keep you entertained with more adventures of my Breedline characters.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from robyn corum
Scongrove,
I thought this was an interesting chapter, though I noticed you do a lot of telling rather than showing...? It may be that this particular chapter called for more narrative, I don't know. But I would suggest that you allow your characters to describe things more and let the narrator recede into the background more.
More notes:
1.) they'd returned after the Breed(l)ine finally destroyed the Chiang-shih
2.) Jace briefly close(d) his eyes, merely absorbing the vibrations
Thanks!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Scongrove,
I thought this was an interesting chapter, though I noticed you do a lot of telling rather than showing...? It may be that this particular chapter called for more narrative, I don't know. But I would suggest that you allow your characters to describe things more and let the narrator recede into the background more.
More notes:
1.) they'd returned after the Breed(l)ine finally destroyed the Chiang-shih
2.) Jace briefly close(d) his eyes, merely absorbing the vibrations
Thanks!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Thank you, Robyn,
I appreciate the time you took to read my chapter and the positive review. It's great to have another pair of eyes on my story. I hope to hear from you again. Your advice was very helpful.
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
I loved this episode Shana, I am deeply involved emotionally in my family and this is beautifully written I particularly feel for people without a family and this episode hit the spot for me. You communicated the emotion, the individual thoughts were projected so well onto the page so well, I think you and I are hopeless romantics, beautifully transcribed and illuminated Shana my friend, most enjoyable read, as all your writing is. Well done, great work, blessings, Roy
Typo :!Jem was a miracle, almost too (got) to be true. Good?
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2017
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I loved this episode Shana, I am deeply involved emotionally in my family and this is beautifully written I particularly feel for people without a family and this episode hit the spot for me. You communicated the emotion, the individual thoughts were projected so well onto the page so well, I think you and I are hopeless romantics, beautifully transcribed and illuminated Shana my friend, most enjoyable read, as all your writing is. Well done, great work, blessings, Roy
Typo :!Jem was a miracle, almost too (got) to be true. Good?
Comment Written 10-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2017
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Wow... thank you, Roy! :)
Your feedback really moved me. I'm so glad you enjoyed this post. I definitely got teary eyed when I wrote this one. And yes, I am a hopeless romantic. :)
Thank you for all your encouraging words, compliments and inspiration. You're a blessing. Oh, and thank you for catching my typo. Missed that one. :)
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Always a blessing is your writing Shana, people will love it,
