The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Piper, part 15"Young Adult Fantasy
18 total reviews
Comment from May 1
Yes, I was thinking that calling their names wasn't the smartest idea. I am honestly surprised that they would give up but I guess it does make sense not to risk all of their lives for the two who might not be alive as far as they know. Yes, I was wondering about the fairy blood myself.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
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Yes, I was thinking that calling their names wasn't the smartest idea. I am honestly surprised that they would give up but I guess it does make sense not to risk all of their lives for the two who might not be alive as far as they know. Yes, I was wondering about the fairy blood myself.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
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Hi May 1,
Wow, three chapters two days in a row now. I am honored. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and for the excellent review.
Debi
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi dear friend, this is one of another closely knitted taletelling,.every word and every sentence count and related they create a great suspence, which made me go deeper.
Then there is that big question at the end...which one has the faerie blood. Looks like a bombshell s going to explode.
Well done.
Danny Jock
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Hi dear friend, this is one of another closely knitted taletelling,.every word and every sentence count and related they create a great suspence, which made me go deeper.
Then there is that big question at the end...which one has the faerie blood. Looks like a bombshell s going to explode.
Well done.
Danny Jock
Comment Written 10-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Hi Danny Jock,
How nice of you to drop in to read and review. I appreciate your analysis. I am so pleased you are enjoying the story.
Debi
Comment from Mastery
Hi, debi Good to read another chapter in your book. You have come a long way with your prose writing in my 'umble opinion. You have a great story going here and due in large part to some fantastic imagery like:
"He ducked behind a boulder and crouched down low to stay as hidden as possible in case the creature looked in his direction. It was definitely gray fur."
And: "With one last look around, Braun heaved a deep sigh. "Come on men, we need to get on the road."
Suggestion: I think you should put any thoughts like this in italics. Just either add on "he thought and you won't have to. " Why had he let Braun get under his skin? Try, "why did I let Braun get under my skin" in italics. Change one way or the other though.
Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Hi, debi Good to read another chapter in your book. You have come a long way with your prose writing in my 'umble opinion. You have a great story going here and due in large part to some fantastic imagery like:
"He ducked behind a boulder and crouched down low to stay as hidden as possible in case the creature looked in his direction. It was definitely gray fur."
And: "With one last look around, Braun heaved a deep sigh. "Come on men, we need to get on the road."
Suggestion: I think you should put any thoughts like this in italics. Just either add on "he thought and you won't have to. " Why had he let Braun get under his skin? Try, "why did I let Braun get under my skin" in italics. Change one way or the other though.
Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 09-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
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Hi Bob,
I appreciate you pointing out both what is working and offering suggestions for improvement. I'll look at chaining the section to first person and expanding it a bit. Thank you,
Debi
Comment from Rasmine
I wrote a story called 'Piper' when I was younger--nice to see I'm not the only one. I really wasn't that confused when I started reading. Your explanation of what happened so far in the story was well written.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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I wrote a story called 'Piper' when I was younger--nice to see I'm not the only one. I really wasn't that confused when I started reading. Your explanation of what happened so far in the story was well written.
Good luck!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Hi Rasmine,
How nice to hear that you wrote about Piper, too. I appreciate you letting me know that the notes explaining what has happened so far help you join the story midway. Thank you for stopping in to read and review.
Debi
Comment from F. Wehr3
Good continuation of the story. I enjoyed Burkehart's growing apprehension and the knowledge that one or more people in the group is aligned with the Fae. Well done!
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Good continuation of the story. I enjoyed Burkehart's growing apprehension and the knowledge that one or more people in the group is aligned with the Fae. Well done!
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 09-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Hi Russell,
Thank you for the shiny six star rating! I appreciate the analysis of the story. I am delighted you are enjoying it. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement.
Debi
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good continuation here. Keeping close to the soldier's point of view gives a strong sense of tension.
It's a large wolf," Captain Burkehart - need opening speech marks here.
Just beyond the tree line - treeline.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Hi there,
A good continuation here. Keeping close to the soldier's point of view gives a strong sense of tension.
It's a large wolf," Captain Burkehart - need opening speech marks here.
Just beyond the tree line - treeline.
All the best
G
Comment Written 09-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Hi G,
Thank you for the support and for the SPAG alerts!.I appreciate the encouraging comments about the tension.
Debi
Comment from Spitfire
Quite a cliffhanger. Seems on one of the search party is a traitor.
The noise would help him locate the group. It would also lead the wolf straight to the search party.
Nice use of conflict as well as Burkehart torn between duty and care for the boys.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Quite a cliffhanger. Seems on one of the search party is a traitor.
The noise would help him locate the group. It would also lead the wolf straight to the search party.
Nice use of conflict as well as Burkehart torn between duty and care for the boys.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Hi Shari,
Thank you for the shiny six star rating! I appreciate your analysis of the situation and your comments regarding Burkehart's internal conflict.
Debi
Comment from Teresa Williams
I enjoyed your chapter; it was professionally-written and held my attention and was easily followed in its events. thank you for sharing, and God bless you in your further chapters! The story is engrossing.
--Teresa Williams
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017
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I enjoyed your chapter; it was professionally-written and held my attention and was easily followed in its events. thank you for sharing, and God bless you in your further chapters! The story is engrossing.
--Teresa Williams
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017
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Hi Teresa Williams,
I appreciate the kind comments about the writing. I am delighted you find the story engrossing.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
A little confusing at first about Burkehart and Braun separating into two groups.
It might need a little expansion.
Otherwise, another excellent chapter in the story of Piper.
Suspicion mounts on all sides.
Sheba has met with one of the musicians, presumable Braun
and now Burkehart has seen the meeting, but not the participant.
Still, Burkehart will not be fooled easily,
and he appears to have two conflicting promises to keep.
Redd-Leif and Sheba also have promises to keep
and all these promises are going to meet head on
as Piper and Rupert stand in the middle
of a circle of promises.
Another nice suspenseful ending.
Well done
RS
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017
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A little confusing at first about Burkehart and Braun separating into two groups.
It might need a little expansion.
Otherwise, another excellent chapter in the story of Piper.
Suspicion mounts on all sides.
Sheba has met with one of the musicians, presumable Braun
and now Burkehart has seen the meeting, but not the participant.
Still, Burkehart will not be fooled easily,
and he appears to have two conflicting promises to keep.
Redd-Leif and Sheba also have promises to keep
and all these promises are going to meet head on
as Piper and Rupert stand in the middle
of a circle of promises.
Another nice suspenseful ending.
Well done
RS
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017
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Hi RS,
Thank you for the shiny six stars. I appreciate you noting an area you thought could be improved to make the story stronger. As you have been following the story from the beginning, I value your perception and insights. I'll take a look at fleshing out the reason for the two groups separating so that is more apparent.
I appreciate your further analysis of the story. It helps to know what is working. Thank you for continuing to follow the story.
Debi
Comment from Pam (respa)
-An interesting chapter, Debi.
-I think the ending is the key to what
has been going on since the last couple of chapters.
-First, Burkehart is doubting his decisions.
-Then, he sees a wolf talking; things just seem
to be awry, the more he observes.
-Braun wants to move on, but without Rupert and Piper.
-Burkehart is left with a dilemma, but following the wolf
prints before the storm came was probably a better choice,
but it is all a mystery.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017
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-An interesting chapter, Debi.
-I think the ending is the key to what
has been going on since the last couple of chapters.
-First, Burkehart is doubting his decisions.
-Then, he sees a wolf talking; things just seem
to be awry, the more he observes.
-Braun wants to move on, but without Rupert and Piper.
-Burkehart is left with a dilemma, but following the wolf
prints before the storm came was probably a better choice,
but it is all a mystery.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2017
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for the generous six star rating and the analysis of the chapter. I appreciate your continued support and encouragement.
Debi
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You are welcome for the stars, review, and support, Debi. I guess if the Fair Folk are involved in this, it can get a little frustrating, esp. for Burkehart, it seems!
