Shame
A different school but still no change21 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
That must not have been easy on you with all that moving around. Going where the work is can be very important to caring for a family. Good visual imagery created. Nice work.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2017
  |
That must not have been easy on you with all that moving around. Going where the work is can be very important to caring for a family. Good visual imagery created. Nice work.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2017
-
Thank you very much for your time and review****kahpot
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
The life of a coppers son, was a treacherous journey with all the biased ills with it.
Well written and the point well made, it sounded a hard life.
Have a great day
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2017
|
The life of a coppers son, was a treacherous journey with all the biased ills with it.
Well written and the point well made, it sounded a hard life.
Have a great day
Comment Written 15-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2017
-
Thank you and happy easter to you****kahpot
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Run forest, run. A very good poem about a boy trying desperately to outrun his fears.
"and the shame I feel has grown too strong"
In the end, he gave up.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
Run forest, run. A very good poem about a boy trying desperately to outrun his fears.
"and the shame I feel has grown too strong"
In the end, he gave up.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you for your review, never thought of forest until now and yes he too had restrictions****kahpot
Comment from frogbook
A shame that it was awkward for the person on the "right side of the law." A very interesting perspective written with great skill and emotion.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
A shame that it was awkward for the person on the "right side of the law." A very interesting perspective written with great skill and emotion.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you for an excellent review, yes only on growing up did I think of my father's situation****kahpot
Comment from Oatmeal
kahpot,
Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. This is a beautiful poem. I liked it very much. It made for an enjoyable read. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out. Very interesting comments.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
kahpot,
Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. This is a beautiful poem. I liked it very much. It made for an enjoyable read. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out. Very interesting comments.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you, no SPAG must be a first for me good must mean I am taking in the well received advice****kahpot
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. Children are the cruelest creatures and can be the worst enemy one can have. Of course they are following the adults lead and that makes it that bad.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
A very well-written poem. Children are the cruelest creatures and can be the worst enemy one can have. Of course they are following the adults lead and that makes it that bad.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you and yes it does stem from the adults****kahpot
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your poem "Shame". You told your story very well and also rhymed it - without adding 's' (some try to tell me it can't be done). Life must have been hard for you growing up. I only hope that it has made you stronger.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
I enjoyed reading your poem "Shame". You told your story very well and also rhymed it - without adding 's' (some try to tell me it can't be done). Life must have been hard for you growing up. I only hope that it has made you stronger.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you yes stronger is a good word, myself I would like to say confident this site among other factors have made this possible thankyou for reading****kahpot
-
You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
This is a wonderful poem.
It rhymes.
It tells a story.
The image of the man hiding his face, as if he's counting during a game of Hide-and-Seek, is a perfect fit for this poem.
My favorite lines: 'would change the time I knew was wrong
the fear I'll take but not for long
as the shame I feel is growing strong
to change the time I knew was wrong
the fear I've taken has been too long
and the shame I feel has grown too strong'
I like how you change up the ending of the repeating lines.
This poem sends a message and gives advice.
The author's notes are appreciated.- Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your poem.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
This is a wonderful poem.
It rhymes.
It tells a story.
The image of the man hiding his face, as if he's counting during a game of Hide-and-Seek, is a perfect fit for this poem.
My favorite lines: 'would change the time I knew was wrong
the fear I'll take but not for long
as the shame I feel is growing strong
to change the time I knew was wrong
the fear I've taken has been too long
and the shame I feel has grown too strong'
I like how you change up the ending of the repeating lines.
This poem sends a message and gives advice.
The author's notes are appreciated.- Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your poem.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Comment Written 12-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you and your reviews of my writing are inspiring, to say the least WOW what a review****kahpot
Comment from Sis Cat
A sad, traumatic poem reminded me of my childhood in which changing schools did not improve things. Poem is about the tumultuous teen years:
black looks from the students I nearly cried
I ran for my life with fear on my side
with every step, I wished I could stay
but nothing I said or wanted to say
The boy attempts to wash away his shame by running:
for the run that I loved would stop right, now
as the school and its boys would not allow
the son of a copper to be their best
they chased thru breaks and taunt the rest
the faster I'd run their anger would build
again I stopped but would not yield
that made it clear which made me see
my shame was growing so violently
so in that moment it was up to me
to change the time I knew was wrong
the fear I've taken has been too long
and the shame I feel has grown too strong
This is a excellent, well rhymed poem with a deep story to tell.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
|
A sad, traumatic poem reminded me of my childhood in which changing schools did not improve things. Poem is about the tumultuous teen years:
black looks from the students I nearly cried
I ran for my life with fear on my side
with every step, I wished I could stay
but nothing I said or wanted to say
The boy attempts to wash away his shame by running:
for the run that I loved would stop right, now
as the school and its boys would not allow
the son of a copper to be their best
they chased thru breaks and taunt the rest
the faster I'd run their anger would build
again I stopped but would not yield
that made it clear which made me see
my shame was growing so violently
so in that moment it was up to me
to change the time I knew was wrong
the fear I've taken has been too long
and the shame I feel has grown too strong
This is a excellent, well rhymed poem with a deep story to tell.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
-
Thank you, Sis Cat for understanding and the story is true will post the ending soon (PAIN) thanks for reading****kahpot
Comment from BeasPeas
It seems to me the problem you faced here in your poem was bullying while in school. Regardless of the reason (or even no reason) kids have to endure bullying (as my daughter did) from those who band together to torment another kid. I'm sorry for your trouble. Today, bullying hopefully is less, although some just won't quit. Your poem has important content. I see you're new to FanStory--welcome. Marilyn
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2017
|
It seems to me the problem you faced here in your poem was bullying while in school. Regardless of the reason (or even no reason) kids have to endure bullying (as my daughter did) from those who band together to torment another kid. I'm sorry for your trouble. Today, bullying hopefully is less, although some just won't quit. Your poem has important content. I see you're new to FanStory--welcome. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2017
-
Thank you for an excellent review and welcome****kahpot
