The River
A Shakespearean Sonnet for the contest32 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Very well written sonnet, Tony. "The light of this half-whispered dawn" What a wonderful image this provokes, my friend. I like your closing two lines also:
"All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along." (Yes it does)
Blessings, my friend. great writing. Bob
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Very well written sonnet, Tony. "The light of this half-whispered dawn" What a wonderful image this provokes, my friend. I like your closing two lines also:
"All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along." (Yes it does)
Blessings, my friend. great writing. Bob
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Bob, and for pointing out your favorite parts. All the best, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I became a huge fan of Shakespearean sonnets since joining FS and your contest entry is a perfect example as to why. Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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I became a huge fan of Shakespearean sonnets since joining FS and your contest entry is a perfect example as to why. Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Barbara, and for your comment about Shakespearean sonnets. All the best, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
The final line of the couplet could well become a quotable quote. I think it is magnificent and the prime reason for the six I am awarding. The whole think is like a Constable painting dragged into the here and now. The rat jarred a bit and of course you might have intended that, though I didn't thinks so -- not at that point. Might water vole be a softer and less loaded term. It is after all the same animal.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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The final line of the couplet could well become a quotable quote. I think it is magnificent and the prime reason for the six I am awarding. The whole think is like a Constable painting dragged into the here and now. The rat jarred a bit and of course you might have intended that, though I didn't thinks so -- not at that point. Might water vole be a softer and less loaded term. It is after all the same animal.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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You are absolutely right, Jim. I have made the change. Many thanks both for your suggestion and for the six stars. Tony
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
For now the mists have cleared, new day's begun,
and river craft chug by with raucous hoots.
A noisy crowd of yahoos bless the sun
with clumsy splashing. Carefree young galoots!
All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along.'
A fabulous poem with a strong message to it. Particularly enjoyed the above stanza, well done.Kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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For now the mists have cleared, new day's begun,
and river craft chug by with raucous hoots.
A noisy crowd of yahoos bless the sun
with clumsy splashing. Carefree young galoots!
All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along.'
A fabulous poem with a strong message to it. Particularly enjoyed the above stanza, well done.Kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Meia, and for pointing out your favorite part. All the best, Tony
Comment from artemis53
What a lovely piece for my morning with such beautiful artwork. I ejoyed the visualization of your first, two lines of "Diffuse the light of this half-whispered dawn,
as river mists reveal a hidden pool," I've often seen the coming of Dawn and this is a beautiful rendering. Thank you.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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What a lovely piece for my morning with such beautiful artwork. I ejoyed the visualization of your first, two lines of "Diffuse the light of this half-whispered dawn,
as river mists reveal a hidden pool," I've often seen the coming of Dawn and this is a beautiful rendering. Thank you.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Artemis, and for pointing out your favorite bits. All the best, Tony
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Tony,
Greek mythology/the River Styx make for a fine sonnet topic. I'm glad to see you've added this selection to your portfolio. This piece has gone one better and is quite original, rather than regaling a classical myth.
Your sonnet structure is sound with perfect rhyme and meter. It is beautiful work. Thanks for the author's notes, too. My favorite lines are the ending couplet:
All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along.
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Hi Tony,
Greek mythology/the River Styx make for a fine sonnet topic. I'm glad to see you've added this selection to your portfolio. This piece has gone one better and is quite original, rather than regaling a classical myth.
Your sonnet structure is sound with perfect rhyme and meter. It is beautiful work. Thanks for the author's notes, too. My favorite lines are the ending couplet:
All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along.
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thanks, Kim. I always enjoy your reviews, and this one is no exception. Appreciated! Tony
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
River now moves along again and life enjoys the river's endless song, no mistier morn, the sun shines clear; I enjoyed this octave and sestet causes and resolution at the end.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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River now moves along again and life enjoys the river's endless song, no mistier morn, the sun shines clear; I enjoyed this octave and sestet causes and resolution at the end.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thanks, Alcreator. I always enjoy your reviews, and this one is no exception. Appreciated! Tony
Comment from kahpot
Remarkable as a fellow Aussie you have described my youth well as being a yahoo on the Murray was my past time, skiing or knee boarding while being young a great read and thanks for the memories****kahpot
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Remarkable as a fellow Aussie you have described my youth well as being a yahoo on the Murray was my past time, skiing or knee boarding while being young a great read and thanks for the memories****kahpot
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed reading your comments about The River, Kahpot. Thanks for reviewing. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from LIJ Red
A galoot is something like a Good Ol' Boy, I think. You described most of the rivers in the US south in this excellent sonnet. And no, most of them do not have cottonmouth moccasins or gators.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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A galoot is something like a Good Ol' Boy, I think. You described most of the rivers in the US south in this excellent sonnet. And no, most of them do not have cottonmouth moccasins or gators.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed reading your comments about The River, Red. Thanks for reviewing. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from CD Richards
Another excellent sonnet from you Tony. Nice to see you've brought a touch of Aussie to the mythological - or are "yahoo" and "galoot" inherited from England?
Excellent stuff, quite possibly another contest win under your belt, well done! Craig
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Another excellent sonnet from you Tony. Nice to see you've brought a touch of Aussie to the mythological - or are "yahoo" and "galoot" inherited from England?
Excellent stuff, quite possibly another contest win under your belt, well done! Craig
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed reading your comments about The River, Craig. I'm not sure about the origin of 'galoot', but 'yahoo' comes from Swift's 'Gulliver's Travels' originally. Thanks for reviewing. Best wishes, Tony
